5 Minutes to Live

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thaliaflame98	2:41pm Feb 21 2010 (last edited on 8:50pm Feb 27 2010)
Normal User Posts: 1,009	I thought of this story about....a year ago? Yea. I don't have alot of time on me now, so I will put a little, "To be continued..." thing. Please don't get mad because I cut off. For comments; I want NO fighting. Please comment on the story only. Thanks! Enjoy! Chapter 1 I opened my eyes for the first time since the accident�to a blinding light. Blurry figures of doctors swam in front of me. A woman flashed the light in my eyes agian. "James? Are you there James?" Groggily, I forced myself up into a sitting position. The thin paper underneath me crinkled. "Mom?" I asked. The pretty nurse who had called my name looked somber and depressed at my question. "James, honey," She always called my honey. But from the stupid hospital soap operas, I learned that when someone you don't know calls you honey- it never means that the sun is shining. "Honey, your parents have pcensoreded on. I'm terribly sorry." Then it all flooded back. The screaming. The sickening crash. The blackness. Both my parents were killed when the bus hit us on the parkway. "Why am I alive?" I asked, my voice trembling. The nurse shook her head. I lifted my hand to feel the deep gash on my forehead. Now, it was all stitched up. I counted. 52 stitches. Crap. A pang of sorrow filled me like a balloon with air.�I racked my brain to figure out why I couldn't have died. The projection of the spinning bus should have smushed me-not my loving, sweet parents. I grew angry, the�fury of the emotion bubbling up inside me. I had to do something.�What? I had no idea.� Without a plan, without thinking this all through like a sensible child, my stupid 13 year old self leaped up from the table/bed of torture. "James! Get back here!" screamed the 20 year old blonde nurse as I sprinted from the room. "Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside us and sometimes they win." ~Stephen King
luvsarahdessen97	3:19pm Feb 21 2010
Normal User Posts: 192	awww i love it!!! Literally, it's incredible. but as for criticism, sometimes its a bad idea to make 1st person person ask themself questions. Why? Why did they die? Why couldn't it have been me? It makes your writing sound not as good as it can be. Maybe try saying something like "I was trying desperately to figure out why it was my parents who died and not me. I was the one who deserved it, and they were the ones with everything ahead of them." Dont use this, its just an example. :) But other than that.... great!!
thaliaflame98	3:33pm Feb 21 2010 (last edited on 3:43pm Feb 21 2010)
Normal User Posts: 1,009	Ok! Thanks Sarah! Do you mind if I use your example? But twitch it a little bit? Lol. Just kidding. OKay, I fixed it. Just look a little after it says crap. THANKS!!! "Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside us and sometimes they win." ~Stephen King
thaliaflame98	3:46pm Feb 21 2010
Normal User Posts: 1,009	Lol. Wanna hear something funny? I didn't make up the set of the hospital tag. For like 3 mins, I sat there copying (Different info of course) MY hospital tag. Lol. If you want, Rmail me asking why I had to go to the hospital. (It wasn't for broken bones either) You don't have to though. If any stalkers are here in Res, they might want this info. :-) "Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside us and sometimes they win." ~Stephen King
luvsarahdessen97	3:47pm Feb 21 2010
Normal User Posts: 192	Much better :) Thank you!
luvsarahdessen97	3:47pm Feb 21 2010
Normal User Posts: 192	Much better :) Thank you!
MrsMasonMusso	6:46pm Feb 21 2010
Normal User Posts: 47	holy crap thats good!!! definately continue!!
Mythalian	7:06pm Feb 21 2010
Normal User Posts: 1,120	thal, nobodys gonna stalk u if u say how u got to the hospital. it was really funny lol
thaliaflame98	4:27pm Feb 22 2010
Normal User Posts: 1,009	Yea, yea. I had to put that. I'm weird. Ok! I swallowed a gripper. Why? IDK. So yea. To all you stalkers and hobos out there- HAHAHA YOU CAN'T STALK ME!!! I WILL NEVER TELL YOU ANYTHING ABOUT ME!!P.S.My name is not...oops. I almost told you.... "Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside us and sometimes they win." ~Stephen King
thaliaflame98	1:13pm Feb 23 2010
Normal User Posts: 1,009	Chapter 2 Panting, I skirted through the hospital lobby, ripping off my hospital tag reading: Porter, James DOB: 06/02/1996 Sex: Male Bursting through the glcensored doors of the hospital, I rounded the Emergency Driveway. Skidding to the side of the road, I waited impatiently for the light to turn green. Have you ever had the feeling that someone is watching you? Yea, well I was experiencing that now. The tingling feeling running up and down my spine warned my instincts to turn around. Spinning, I saw a man (?) in a black trench coat. He carried a black worn out brief case. He was staring intently at me, like he was expecting something. "Umm...Can I help you?" I asked, worry growing inside me. The strange dude didn't move- his cloaked face only showing his eyes. They were coal black. Staring into his eyes, an icy feeling engulfed me. Strange, because it was mid-July. The light turned green, and I spun around to leave. As I was doing so, a raspy, hollow, dead voice slithered out from behind me. "Yyou shhould nott bee allive." "Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside us and sometimes they win." ~Stephen King
thaliaflame98	1:44pm Feb 23 2010
Normal User Posts: 1,009	Chapter 3 "What?!?!" I was dumbfounded. Who the hell was this guy- telling me I wasn't supposed to be here? Agian, I spun around. The cold eyes still gawked at me, unmoving. I backed away, fear jabbing at me. "Yyou havve 24 hhours tto liive.." he rasped. My eyes widened. The light was still green- so I ran for it. Dashing away, I looked back. The freak was still there, staring intently after me. After madly killing four blocks, I reached my small ranch. 409 Ash Drive. Shakily, I unlocked the door. I flipped all the lights on and cautiously peered out of the front window. I sighed in relief. He wasn't outside. At least, he wasn't near my house. Around ten thirty, I lay in bed mourning my dead parents. Stifiling sobs, I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep. My dreams were intruded by the black cloaked figure stalking me while I slept. Outside, while James slept, Death stood on the sidewalk across the small house. "17 hoursss to liive." "Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside us and sometimes they win." ~Stephen King
thaliaflame98	1:45pm Feb 23 2010
Normal User Posts: 1,009	I hope you all like it! "Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside us and sometimes they win." ~Stephen King
ssather	2:09pm Feb 23 2010
Normal User Posts: 5,835	�Wow. I love it! It reminds me of a story my mom read about a guy seeing death at the market so he ran away to another town and told his boss where he was going and then the boss he worked for saw Death and asked why she had freaked his employee and thne Death said,"I didn't mean to freak him out. I was just surprised to see him there for I was supose to meet him at�� (Which ever town he went to). �Lol. Sorry that was kind of random but for soem reason it reminded me of it. I hope you keep on writing because this is very good!XD
thaliaflame98	2:30pm Feb 23 2010
Normal User Posts: 1,009	Thank you so much! I will keep writing!!! "Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside us and sometimes they win." ~Stephen King
thaliaflame98	5:38pm Feb 23 2010
Normal User Posts: 1,009	Chapter 4 I awoke in a cold sweat. The aftermath of the dream still burned in the back of my head. I sat up, sniffing the air. It was cold and dusty. I was confused. I expected to smell the rich aroma of chocolate chip pancakes fresh from stovetop. And then it all crashed back. They were dead. I sighed. I needed to work on my memory. I dragged my feet out of my room and down the drafty hall. Sleep dulled my senses. My bare feet were icy in the early summer morning. As I pcensoreded the huge front window, I quickly glanced out. Not really seeing, I kept walking. A black figure swept pcensoreded me. I froze. Dead on my feet. ------------------------------- will be continued "Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside us and sometimes they win." ~Stephen King
ssather	6:34pm Feb 23 2010
Normal User Posts: 5,835	�Wow. This story is getting exctiing! I can't wait for you continue it. I love the way you hae it in first person too. It helps me understand what the person is thinking and feeling.
thaliaflame98	6:57pm Feb 23 2010
Normal User Posts: 1,009	Thanks Ssather! You rock! I will continue soon! "Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside us and sometimes they win." ~Stephen King
ssather	10:16pm Feb 23 2010
Normal User Posts: 5,835	�I can't wait to read it!8D
thaliaflame98	2:02pm Feb 24 2010
Normal User Posts: 1,009	Thanks! "Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside us and sometimes they win." ~Stephen King
Mythalian	4:09pm Feb 24 2010
Normal User Posts: 1,120	goood

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5 Minutes to Live