This is just a short poem I wrote a while back. I hate most poetry critique sites - lots of them can be quite snobby :( - so I thought I'd post it here.

 I'd just like to know whether my intended meaning and themes come across.

(Not got a name at the moment):

Can’t you drop it?

Those bones were buried long

Before, you swept aside

The clothes and shoes, stratified.

Closet Archaeologists

Like doors flung open, not costumes and song.

And there it is.

That bleached-out beauty lips

A secret – enchanted?

More or less a lie, granted

Like a wish. The White Witch of

The West is alive, and clutching green slips.

For ruby shoes. 

Is it weird that I read this whole thing whilst snapping?  XD

Seriously, though, it does have a beatnick-y vibe to it, but it's good.  I'm not completely sure I get the 'clutching green slips' part, or like the rhyming towards the end.  It seems almost more like it's two shorter poems, rather than two halves of the same one.  You know?  But I like 'The clothes and shoes, stratified.  Closet archaeologists'.  That bit did what I think you were aiming for, and was neat.

Haha I like that - it is meant to have a very defined rhythm, but more fluid between lines, and very defined pauses at the full stops. 

I was trying to get across themes of consumerism and capitalism. green slips means money. I know it's short, so hard to see the themes if you're not 'looking' for them - I guess thats what I wanted to know anyway :P Mission Failure!

I'm working on a more languid poem at present. 

Ohhhh.

Well now the green slips part makes sense.  XD

(Edit: Just had a thought - that particular misunderstanding might have more to do with my nationality than your symbolism.  Canadian money comes in blue, red, and purple, as well as green.)