Blood & Fire


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RootBeerLover

8:01pm Aug 3 2011

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Posts: 247
Blood & Fire

Flames engulfed my body. I was burning alive. Black smudges covered my face. My glassy eyes reflected the fire. I choked in agony. It was a nightmare come alive. Flashes of red and black blinded my vision as I struggled to stay conscious. The heat sweltered through my throat. My heart faltered for a few seconds. I breathed in rasps. Pain flooded me in every part of my body. Crushing weight seemed to push upon my chest. I couldn't move, but I felt like I was thrashing and twisting in torture. Hot, sticky, thick liquid trickled slowly down my face. Blood.


I wanted to die. To end this torture. Just kill me now, I pleaded silently as the pain drowned me.


No. I had to survive. I faintly remembered faces. Friends. Family. No. I was going to endure.


More darkness shadowed my sight. Heat grew worse inside of me. My skin, slowly peeling. My heart felt like a bomb, time ticking by before it exploded in fire. I shrieked, but had no voice. It was just the shape of my mouth, twisted with screams. Weight crushed me, sinking me down and gagging me. I felt as if someone was squeezing my throat, my air slowly fading away. Blistering fire, scorching my skin. Hell had reached its peak.








....I have no idea where this came from. I suddenly started thinking about it, and decided to write this. ...I was having a happy day, too. ?.? Comments? I don't usually write Horror, so criticism is welcome. :)



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ShortyLynn

12:59pm Aug 23 2011

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Posts: 11
write more, i love your deiveness! its amazing! whats going to happen to him?



Pokemon Lover and Anime Lover Warriorcat for life. Shorty Lynn
RootBeerLover

4:47pm Aug 28 2011

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Posts: 247
Haha, thank you. <3 I wasn't thinking of continuing this...I just wanted to write it and see what people would think. :)



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SpikedBunny

6:08am Aug 29 2011

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Posts: 21
This is quite creepy!!! But it's very good, well done!



:)
Clouding

1:19pm Aug 29 2011

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Posts: 1,651

Oooh, that gave me a shiver, but that could be because it's cold in my house. o-o
Very good. I like it, but I'll probably be fighting from nightmares tonight. ;-;
You can be surprised what my mind can make into a nightmare.





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RootBeerLover

2:11pm Sep 4 2011

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Posts: 247
Thanks for the comments, guys! :)



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diamondwing

7:48am Sep 5 2011

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I like it would make a good story :)



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Yoshi

11:38am Sep 5 2011

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Posts: 3,642

I really like the ending there. Kinda poetic. P:

Just one thing though. The first paragraph doesn't really seem to fit with the rest. It describes mostly images - things we might see from the view of someone standing over the narrator, just kind of.. observing. Seems a little too detached in places. Then the rest describes more feelings and thoughts. Things that happened inside the narrator's head.




RootBeerLover

6:26pm Sep 7 2011

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Posts: 247
Yoshi- Thank you about the ending. <3 

While I do understand what you're saying about the first paragraph, I must admit. I don't know how to fix this at the moment, If you have an idea on bettering it, please rmail me. I reallt appreciate that. <3



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