Critique my school paper please :/


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calgun96

5:25pm Dec 9 2009 (last edited on 5:26pm Dec 9 2009)

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Posts: 175
Art
     There is a land. Its name is Art. If you love drawing, painting, water color, or even sculpting, this is a land you would enjoy.
     
     Art is a curious land, full of talent and knowledge. It consists of deserts, jungles, and lakes, all full of magnificent sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and feelings. Art holds five major land marks. There is Ink Inn, Whispering Woods, Air’s Rock, Draw Pond, and Color Falls.
     
     There are many humans in Art, though they do not have dominion over the land, or its inhabitants. Leopards, Vultures, and Dragons roam Art as well as humans. Some of them docile, some feral.
     
     The Dragon’s and Vulture’s domain is Air’s Rock. They have made it their home and territory. The Dragons rest in giant caves on the sides of the m*censored*ive Volcano, and the Vultures nest on its peeks.
     
     The Leopards rule the ground. They hunt by day and sleep by night. They sleep in the dark, dank forest known as Whispering Woods, on trees. The big cats prey on weak Rabbits, most abundant around the Draw Pond where both species go to drink, and the people go to draw.
     
     Then there is the Ink Inn. This is where the best and most well known artists stay and/or live. It is also a supplies store where the people go to buy sketch books, pens, ink, pencils, paper, lead, paint, brushes, etc...
     
     The fifth landmark is Color Falls, and maybe the most important. It is almost like it puts ideas in your head of what to draw. Color Falls is where people go to get ideas, colors, from the waterfall’s monochrome water, and to travel to the land called Acirema, to which Art is linked.

I had to make up my own land for a school paper! xD And I love art so I chose the land's name to be Art!



If I had a dollar for every brain you don't have, I'd have one dollar!
Kira333

6:18pm Dec 9 2009

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Posts: 6,511

Duuuude. If I had an *censored*ignment like that, I'd get a freakin' A++. xDD

Psh. It's, like, perfect. It sounds like a real place, except for the fact that the dominant spieces are dragons, leopards, and vultures. xD ...And that it's called "Art." x3
Though, you could make it longer. o.o Teachers like long pages.




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Seasons are changing and waves are crashing and stars are falling, all for us.

calgun96

8:14pm Dec 9 2009

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Posts: 175
Thanks sooo much! :D I appreciate it a lot!



If I had a dollar for every brain you don't have, I'd have one dollar!
blackthunder18

4:09pm Dec 24 2009

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Posts: 229
Maybe instead of "Draw Pond" something like Draw Oasis or something...otherwise I lovez it! And yeah either make it longer or write a big acknowledgements section...cause big paperz and small words intimidate teachers into giving you an A



Chuck Norris not only 'Tasted The Rainbow,' he roundhouse kicked it so hard, skittles fell out!
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