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FoxCrazy	6:12pm Apr 22 2009
Normal User Posts: 3,469	I started a story....Here is an excerpt from chapter 1. Tell me if you like it, or need more to read. � Chapter 1 �~Tigress~�� She woke up, finding herself lying on the beach. She crawled over to a small puddle left by the receding tide that had brought her, and looked in. She found herself looking at a brown-red haired girl with blonde highlights and delicate features. There was something different about her though; she had a green eye and a blue eye, as well as cat ears poking from her hair, one slightly folded. Taking a closer look, she found out they were tiger-striped. � "You're off the edge of the map, mate. Here there be monsters."
Noopierrier	10:23am Apr 25 2009 (last edited on 10:40am Apr 25 2009)
Normal User Posts: 3	I like it, but who's the 'She' at the first part of the sentence. It's fine but there's too many 'she' s in the first part. Maybe there could be a name at the top instead of she?� There's already a find and found is the past, try to find a new word. Try explaining how the beach feels like, is the air cool? I don't get the second sentece, so ill leave it out... Try this: �Anna woke up, finding herself lying on the sandy beach. She saw a girl with muddy�brown and (what kind of?) fiery red hair and delicate features. She noticed that� girl she was looking at was herself. There was something different, she had (what kind of green, deep?) a deep green eye and a sea blue eye, as well as one pair of furry, silky�(what colour)brown cat ears poking out her her hair, one slightly folded. Taking a closer look, she found out that they were tiger-striped... idk, try using describing words. how it feels, smells, and other. :)
Noopierrier	10:30am Apr 25 2009
Normal User Posts: 3	I meant *with when I desrcibed the hair
Noopierrier	10:48am Apr 25 2009 (last edited on 10:52am Apr 25 2009)
Normal User Posts: 3	it needs to be longer. maybe she could be mistaken by another person and she was mistaken for a tigress princess. And her guards bring her back to the palace, but she doesn't know she isnt the tigress. :) something like... Anna looked at her ears one more time and touched one. 'If they are real, then what am I?' She wondered to herself as she bit her lip. Anna quickly covered her ears with her hood when a army of guards came rushing to her. 'Who are you?' One said. Suddenly, a tall man in front took of her hood when he gasped and bowed down. 'I'm so sorry, princess. We were looking all over for you!' Said the man. �'Tea, princess?' Asked a servant, pouring some tea for her. 'What's going on, I'm no princess!' Anna cried, flung the tiara on the ground, left angrily. She ran through the thick walls until she bumped into something, something hard. 'Is she okay, I hope she is!' Whispered a voice. 'After all, she is the tigress princess!' Whispered another. Anna rubbed her eye and woke up, there a man with huge armor sat on her bed. 'JULIA, what were you doing?' Said the man, outraged. 'He's proberly my father, then, I'm the tigress princess. I must be in another world...' Anna thought turning around so she didnt have to face the man. or something like that
FoxCrazy	1:52pm Apr 25 2009
Normal User Posts: 3,469	This is just a part of it.I have more that I am typing. See the top....EXCERPT... "You're off the edge of the map, mate. Here there be monsters."
FoxCrazy	7:15pm Apr 25 2009
Normal User Posts: 3,469	Next Part~ � Who am I? Better yet, what am I? I need to be called something, I guess………She thought of her ears, Tigress! That’s perfect!�� Tigress looked at her hands, but one was actually a paw. Weird…Her clothes were simple and tattered, but they held well, for now. � "You're off the edge of the map, mate. Here there be monsters."
Fox	10:52pm Apr 26 2009
Normal User Posts: 2,721	nice story keep writing I\'m back.

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