As i lie in bed listening to the faint tapping of raindrops colliding with the window pane, mixed thoughts race through my mind.  I let out a longing sigh, rolling onto my right side, i fix my eyes on a small kitten that sleeps peacefully beside me. his chest rising and falling and the whisper of his breath against my pale skin.  I manage a small smile that withers away moments later when the somber silence is broken with a knock on my door.  Unwillingly i get up, pull a shirt over my head and continue groggily to my door.  With a quick turn of the knob i open the door to see my mother's concerned face. i retreat back to my bed awaiting the speech im about to recieve. she proceeds in and sits on the foot of my bed and looks at me with tear filled eyes. I suddenly feel curiosity rise from deep within me and i look at her, " mom whats wrong?" i say mildly concerned. " your father, he and i are getting a divorce" she replies, her voice cracking and depression in twining with the words. my heart beat seemed to stop as i hear the words divorce.  I try to force back the warm tears but they start to streak down my saddened face, new thoughts race through my mind which make my tears stream down faster. One thought stuck out the most, the memory of kindergarten, me and a friend were playing with small plastic trinkets talking about what is going on and my friend said " my parents are splitting up, i heard them arguing and daddy left" i looked up at him and said proudly " my parents are never gonna split up!" but what i didn't know is what was happening behind my back.

Cheating, Lying, Are only the majority of the problems that lingered around my parents. I found out that my father had met a girl, she wasn't very pretty. She had long greasy black hair, Dull brown eyes that seemed empty and cold as the tundra. She was a heavy smoker, and because of that her teeth were yellow and her breath smelled atrocious. Her skin was pale and dry. She always reeked of boo's and cigarettes. She always dressed like she was gonna stay inside all day with her pajama pants and messy t-shirt. Her job was undescribable and disgusting. She was a stripper. I couldent believe that my father would leave my mother for her. When i met her, she gave me games to win my fathers heart even more. It was pathetic, and a sick way to improve her chances of keeping my father wrapped around her little finger. I refused to talk to my father until one day when he texted me saying, " you have a new little baby brother". As soon as i read it, the stitches that peiced my heart together came loose and my heart shattered once again. I threw the phone at the wall and broke down. My legs collapsed from underneath me causing me to fall to the floor, tears streaming down my cheeks, i curled my hands into a fist so tight my knuckles turned white. At that time my mother had rushed in to see me on my knees whispering between sobs "no".

 Mother then picked my phone up and read the text, i saw her face turn red, she was furious and walked out of my room to her bedroom. suddenly i heard her yelling angrily and i could tell she had called him from my phone. But i stay there not moving a muscle, i wanted so bad to just escape from this world, from my mistakes, from my problems, and leave them behind. Soon i had cried myself to sleep. My dreams were haunted by the lingering presence of my father, i remembered his scent, his expensive cologne and aftershave, what he looked like, his bristley gotee, icey blue eyes, his sleek black hair, and nicely ironed shirts. All that had dissapeared, now i reconised a new scent, cigarettes,boo's,sweat. His eyes turned dull and i watched my father morph into someone ive never known. A shell of his former self. An achoholic. A drug addict. A heavy smoker. And a depressed man.

 I suddenly awoke to my cat pawing at my face. i realized i was crying in my sleep, my eyes burned and were blood shot. dry tear streaks temporarily stained my face. I cringed in pain as another heart broken pang struck my body. I occasionaly attempt to stand on my own but sore muscles and sadness pull me back down to my knees, so i used my bed to heave my numb body up. step by step i made my way into the kitchen to get a gl*censored* of water. i froze in place as i saw visions of me and my dad, bad ones. i remembered how mean he was, i cringed in pain as one memory showed itself. i was ten and i did something i knew i wasnt supposed to do, i had yelled at father, suddenly his face turned red and his eyes were filled with hate and anger, i ran into my room, locked my door and hid under my bed. I layed there listening to footsteps landing heavily on the wood flooring. A loud bang wentt off and my door flew off the hinges and hit my bed, he came in and grabbed my arm and hit me until parts of me were bruised, he threw me on the bed and stormed off, leaving me trembling, injured, and crying. At that time mother was at work, my brother was at work aswell, and my handicapped sister slept in her room unaware of what had just happened.

 She was justt as scared of him as i was, he punished us both brutally, i felt sorry for her, she never knew why he punished her or why she had gotten in trouble in the first place, she was mentally and physically disabled causing speech, learning, and walking problems. A fter the vision had disinigrated it took my ability to stand with it and i collasped onto the kitchen floor breathless.

dang double post ^^