Love in the Depths (Opinions?)


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BeckyL97

3:33pm Mar 29 2011

Normal User


Posts: 2,052

AuroraGirl, a magenta Ahea, was swimming in the ocean that spanned most of Atquati. She stuck her head above the surface and took a deep breath, inhaling the fresh sea air deep into her lungs. She dived back beneath the surface and spun around, creating a giant cloud of bubbles that rose towards the surface before disappearing. Sighing contently, AuroraGirl kept swimming. It was just another good day on Atquati.

But then, AuroraGirl heard something beneath her. She glanced downwards but saw nothing.

"How strange..." AuroraGirl muttered. She was about to continue when she heard the sound again. Was it...a voice? She decided to find out. AuroraGirl went up to the surface, took a breath and dived. She kept swimming downwards into the depths. The water began to turn black around her. Finally, she reached the seabed. Looking around, she could not see anything. But then she heard laughter and turned around to see that she was surrounded by a group of tough-looking Skaldyrs. One, a silver Skaldyr with vicious looking claws, laughed.

"You've fallen into our trap!" he said. A female natural Skaldyr swam forward and nudged him, before turning back to AuroraGirl with an evil grin.

"Can't we just cut to the chase?" she asked. "I'm STARVING!" AuroraGirl looked around frantically. The evil, grinning creatu were closing in. The large silver Skaldyr swiped at her with his claws and only just missed. AuroraGirl's heart quickened. She was about to die!

But at that moment, there came a tremendous cry and a black and red shape hurled itself at the Skaldyrs. Confused, they broke apart. The shape once again disappeared into the gloom. AuroraGirl seized her chance and shot up towards the surface. But a claw caught her tail and she cried out in pain. Looking down, she saw the silver Skaldyr was the one that had grabbed her and was pulling her back down. Struggling frantically, AuroraGirl could not escape his grip. But then the black shape appeared once again and tacked the silver Skaldyr. But AuroraGirl was too weak to swim any more. Helpless as the black creature swam towards her, her vision blacked out.

When AuroraGirl awoke, she was lying on the beach. Shakily getting to her feet, she jumped when she saw a tall black Ahea standing next to her. AuroraGirl gazed at him for a moment. She thought he was rather handsome.

"You alright now?" the black Ahea asked her.

"I am now." AuroraGirl said. "Are...are you the one who saved me from the Skaldyrs."

"Yeah, I saw you in trouble and I just had to help." The black Ahea seemed to blush slightly. "I've seen you quite a few times around here, but I never introduced myself. The name's Galzzra."

"I'm AuroraGirl." AuroraGirl said. But then Galzzra put a silver envelope down in front of her. AuroraGirl opened it. Inside was a beautiful card with an Iluvu on it that said 'Be Mine'. Inside the card was...a Pink Water Flower! AuroraGirl didn't know quite what to say.

"I love you..." Galzzra said, hesitantly. "I always have, though you never knew. I..." He was cut off when AuroraGirl through herself at him and hugged him. She kissed him on the cheek.

"I love you too, Galzzra!" she said. The black Ahea hugged her back.

"And I will love you forever." he said.

Please give me your opinions on my story! ^_^




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GoBooks

7:55pm Apr 4 2011

Normal User


Posts: 42
The ending seems rushed and the names.. blah(though I suppose you could make a case that they are accurate representaions of a creatu's though process's.) On the other hand the beginning and middle were very nicely done, and it's a sweet little story. Overall I have to say it was good, keep it up!



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