Well I entered a competition were you had to write a story about a wolf called Lupa and this is mine:

Hello I am Lupa, I am a kenya wolf. You may not of heard of our kind that is because humans thought they hunted us all down years ago, they didn't care about our race they just wanted our fur and our meat. I am one of the younger wolves I am only 17, our oldest is around 230. The humans thought we were pests mainly because we hunted on rabbits and farm animals. There are getting less wolves in our pack each day because they keep dying of loss of food or they die of a sickness. My life may seem hard now but it gets worse......

I want to know what you think of my story, please be honest.

Great beginning - I'm interested to see what happens next. I think you've got a nice story going. Now for what everyone hates - criticism. What mainly was lacking in this story is a voice. Lupa sounds like she has an interesting life, but I can't tell what her personality is like. Is she shy and sweet? Is she bold and funny? I really can't tell. Maybe add some fun vowls and adjectives by adding details. Have her make little remarks. Let her opinion loose.

For example;

Instead of

Hello I am Lupa, I am a kenya wolf. You may not of heard of our kind that is because humans thought they hunted us all down years ago, they didn't care about our race they just wanted our fur and our meat.

it could be:

I'm Lupa, one of the youngest Keyna wolves. You might not of heard of us, but everyone says it's the humans to blame Those humans hunted us down like prey, slaughtering us for our fur and meat like we were rabbits. I'm sort of a shy wolf - more of an omega than an alpha, so I'm not to eager to meet up with any blood-hungry humans.

or maybe;

The name's Lupa - I'm a Keyna wolf. Haven't heard of me? Huh, no surprise. Careless humans like you have been hunting us down for decades. But you aren't gonna get your filthy paws on my gorgeous black fur - so stop looking at me like I'm some prey animal. Anyway, Keyna wolves like me have been flirting with extinction for years now... etc.

See what I mean? Lupa could go many ways. I suggest brainstorming some character traits and writing down her characteristics.

S'more criticism. :P You have some run-on sentances in your paragraph. You need to add punctuation.

You may not have heard of our kind that is because humans thought they hunted us down all those years ago. They didn't care about our race they just wanted our fur and meat. See? You need to add a comma or semicolon in a few places.

You may not have heard of our kind; that is because humans thought they hunted us down all those years ago. They didn't care about our race, they just wanted our fur and meat. See how much better it sounds with those pauses? :3

"There are getting less wolves" doesn't sound right when you read it out loud. Maybe,
"Wolves are growing more scarce" or something like that. Which brings me to the fact that you've just got the raw material down. Throw in jucy adjectives to help reader visualize what Keyna wolves look like! Throw in juicy verbs describing what the humans did!

And to help you out with your detail, I'm going to give you something that you should do. You don't have to, of course. But if you really want to win that contest, try it after writing.

Hello I am Lupa, I am a kenya wolf. You may not of heard of our kind that is because humans thought they hunted us all down years ago, they didn't care about our race they just wanted our fur and our meat. I am one of the younger wolves I am only 17, our oldest is around 230. The humans thought we were pests mainly because we hunted on rabbits and farm animals. There are getting less wolves in our pack each day because they keep dying of loss of food or they die of a sickness. My life may seem hard now but it gets worse......

Good luck!

*****

Shep

"Hello I am Lupa, I am a kenya wolf. You may not of heard of our kind that is because humans thought they hunted us all down years ago, they didn't care about our race they just wanted our fur and our meat. I am one of the younger wolves I am only 17, our oldest is around 230. The humans thought we were pests mainly because we hunted on rabbits and farm animals. There are getting less wolves in our pack each day because they keep dying of loss of food or they die of a sickness. My life may seem hard now but it gets worse....."

I love editing, so I edited this for you. I would write it like this: 

"I am Lupa, a Kenya wolf. You may not have heard of our kind. At 17 years, I am one of the younger wolves; our oldest is around 230 years old. Humans thought they hunted us all down years ago - they considered us pests because we hunted on rabbits and farm animals. They didn't care about our race, they just wanted our fur and our meat. There are becoming fewer wolves in our pack each day, dying either from a loss of food or from sickness. My life may seem hard now, but it gets worse...."

Good luck!