I'm trying to push my imagination to my limits so here you go. :u I am still above the influence. ;c

Excuse tense changes. xD; I'm jotting down every random word that comes to mind and I find my tense has changed quite a bit. I'm too lazy to go back and edit.

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So I lick caramel off of a hobo's foot and the whole city starts shrieking like pansies in a bat cave. Fuming, I waltzed down the street in the arms of some ninety year old lady who had yin and yang tattooed on her butt, and she told me how she rode the ferris wheel every Sunday after going to church to hail the Spaghetti Monster.

We continued up second street until she fell into a drainage pipe. The water leaked down around me along with the ooze that came from her pearl necklace. With a sigh, I continued onward, trudging my way through the gelatin that had seeped from the towering basketballs that rolled around me.

A stubborn dragon made of lollipops and silk ice cream approached. He told me he had something stuck in his mouth so he opened his maw and told me he'd bite my arm off if I tried to tickle his taste buds. I didn't, but I did find the thing stuck behind his teeth.

Pulling it out, I grimaced at the sight of the jeep wrangler that had wedged its way in his jowls. He sang me a birthday song to congratulate me, departing with just a few words of sympathy for the adder that had curled around my leg. I tried to shake it off unsuccessfully, but it was insistent on using my leg hairs as a comb.

That freaking pizza man never showed up at my door and I find out why next. I pull myself out of the last of the gelatin and the snake gives me a My Little Pony doll to say it's sorry for breaking my comb. My leg hairs had all been scraped off from the thing's stupid scales. With a sigh, I turned around and saw the pizza man.

He was taunting a headless man by holding a pineapple in the air above it. "Give me my head back," the man shouted from the mouth hole on his belly button and the pizza man dropped the pineapple on his head. Satisfied, the now-not-headless-man walked away and ran into the nearest fruit-selling shop to get his new head cut off and turned into a smoothie.

I pushed the pizza guy over with a few rainbow sparkles that shot from my fingertips. He landed in a heap of popcorn that was on the ground, squishing a chicken on the way. He glanced up at me sourly and began to cuss me out. I was insistent on getting my pizza and when he told me it had been stolen, I ended his life by smothering him with a giant stuffed bear.

And so my search for the pizza began.

I laughed so hard. xD

And you forgot Loki. Shad doesn't need whatever it is to write this way. Just some brownies...alright. Dubious brownies. xD

This is love. <3 

You two...o_o
<3

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Those things, I swear on behalf of my armchair, I almost died because of them. The Gummy Bear warriors are a proud clan, raised in the dewdrops of unicorn poop and trained in the art of thumb wrestling since they were born on the year Pickles. Ruthless warriors who stop at nothing to pick the glue out from your nose, or worse, eat your soul.

Not only do they eat your soul, but they fill your head with stupid things like meatloaf and Jebidiah, that kid from American Idol that no one loved. You are left a mindless zombie wanting to feed on potato juice and rat poison for the rest of your life. A lonely life these warriors lead, but they are proud.

That is why when I first came across them, I remembered the lessons I learned as a young worm. You must always rub your butt on their heads, as it is a sign of respect. When I attempted to do it, they purred beneath me, little fuzzballs dropping from their armpits as they expressed their happiness.

One out of all the others did not trust me and would not let me rub the cheeks of my butt all over its head. Instead, I had to put coconuts over my chest and sing "My Milkshakes." These bears, they roared like the daffodils that fly over the moon. The Gummy Bear warriors beat their hooves on the ground and made silver smoke curl from the dead elephant carcass that lay beneath us.

Then I knew the mistake I had made. I did not rub the coconuts as I danced, I did not flounce about my milkshakes. They saw it as a threat and I ran like the tiddledy wink I was, I ran with the speed of a mountain snail. They were left in the dust, throwing their Gummy Bear curses into the air and hating what I had become. I had disgraced the sacred milkshake dance.

What I did find out while I was completing the butt-rubbing ceremony was the location of my pizza. When your bare buttcheeks touch a Gummy Bear Warrior's head, you learn all of the knowledge of the raccoons that fly in their leaf-huts in the sky. The raccoons see all there is to see and there is no questioning them unless you have a question for them.

My pizza was in a dastardly place. It was a place so evil, so misforgiving, so absolutely, undeniably filled of malice, that I near fainted on the spot. It was in the land of the lamp shades. With no hope, but a hungry stomach, I continued on my journey.

I would find that pizza.

And I would eat it.

I would.

It's a rambling from a madman. 83 //shot

O.O

...

XD

Moar plz. It is making me lolz.

I crossed my arms over my chest and gave the young sir before me a very very disappointed frown. His mouth widened into a large 'o' the size of a pancake and out popped a small elven creature. A forked tongue rolled out from the guy's mouth and the elf patted the tongue before leaping onto my shoulder.

"Ge'roff me," I said as I swatted at the being. It chittered at me angrily, shouting curses like 'potato salad spikes' and 'racecar flower petals'. I gasped at the words that rolled from this vile creature's tongue. At my gasp, its sickly green fur turned orange before bubbling up and popping. The purple goo sprayed onto my face and caused a few flowers to grow, but they were tiger lillies, so I threw them away.

Since the elven creature was dead and its maker was up in a tree busy placing a bee's nest on his head, I was able to walk freely on the pillow bridge before me. The dastardly things clung to my legs as I crossed the bridge and I had the oddest buzz in my system, as if someone had poured dozens of gallons of shoelace juice into my mouth.

My eyes rolled into the back of my head and I had a quick glimpse of something in the far-off land of the lampshades. A beast was guarding my pizza. When I came back to my senses, I realized I had made it to the other side of the bridge. Looking down, I lifted up my shirt and was surprised to see a very small Cheeri-o growing in my belly button. With a smug smile, I continued on my way.

LMAO. I. LOVE. THIS.