O_O Epic and awesomely weird beginning. :( Brother's dead. Or is he???

Lol, I actually have no clue what's gonna happen, I'm just guessing.

As for critiquing....I honestly don't see any problems. I love the deive language in it, especially 'A ragged sob bubbled up my itching throat and escaped through my lips'. It really gives you a feel of everything the character is feeling.

:) I'm keeping and eye on this, I wanna see where it goes.

The Present; Chapter 1

No, I did not wake up with my heart pounding and my breathing ragged from the nightmare. I had grown quite too used to the vivid images for that to happen anymore. I breathed out a soft sigh and refused to open my rain gray eyes, not wanting to see the ruined state of the building I was in. Though I had to admit, the lingering images of the dreams were probably more unpleasant. My eyelids fluttered open and I blinked a few times as sunlight filtered in through a gaping hole on the roof of the one-story building.

Groggily, I pushed myself up into a sitting position. The smoke-smelling blanket had caused a minor rash to spread onto my arms and legs where my clothing failed to cover. The plain white T-shirt I had gone to sleep in was now a light gray with ash and soot making it so. My nose burned from the dirtied air. I longed for my real home which was back in the lush forests on the farther side of the territory. The trip here was unpleasant, but I had a feeling the trip back would be easy. Coming was the hard part. Leaving would be a blissful moment.

My bare feet slid onto the ash-ridden ground and I grimaced in distaste. I slipped my feet into my black Converse shoes and gathered my few belongings. My travelware consisted of a leather belt which had a holster of some sort danging from it. My slender fingers trailed over the brass instrument on the far side of the bed. I picked it up and slipped it into the holster on my side. The familiar weight of it there calmed my nerves a little.

As I stepped foot outside the rubble of the house, I sucked in a tight breath. My eyes scrutinized near painfully as the ruined state of my old home hit me again. I shook my head and forced my emotions to grow numb; something I was getting better at as the days went on. Another conscious brushed mine and I welcomed it.

"Honestly, Taylor. Why you bothered to return to that city is beyond me. There is nothing left for you there, but pain and sufferable memories." an alien-like voice rasped to me. Clearly, my friend had just woken up. His thoughts were muddled and I could almost picture his maroon cat eyes blinking as he looked out into the forest. There, he waited for my return.

"Well, good morning to you, too." I thought irritably back to him.

"Just trying to make a point."

"Point taken, Fax. Any sign of them? Today's the day," I said. My gut twisted at the thought of the events that were supposably unfolding today. My steps faltered as I realized I might lose everything today. My own voice counter-acted those thoughts. I did not have anything left to lose except Shadowfax, but that did not mean I could give up. Today, I would change history. I was the survivor; the one with the knowledge that could change the fate of the ten planets.

"They're just departing Saturn right now. They won't be here for a while," he responded with a soft murmur.

"You at the observatory?" I asked.

"Mhm."

"Alright. I'll see you in a bit," I thought and he sent me a few calming threads of emotion before pulling himself from my mind. I shoved my hands into my pockets and kicked at some of the rubble beneath my feet. Anger welled up inside of me and my eyes stung. I held back the tears, refusing to bl
ink until my eyes dried again. As I walked away from the city, the charred streets were less prominent. The skeletal structures of once glorious buildings full of life now seemed to reach out into the air eerily, hoping to snare a passerby in nightmares and despair.

The broken streets and gloomy buildings grew less as I traveled out of the heart of the city. White tufts of grass broke out in various places on the street. I found my tense muscles relaxing already. A soft breeze blew across the area, making my brown hair swirl around my face. The sun touched the locks in front of me and my natural blonde highlights glinted with a copperish tint. I swept my hair out of my face and examined the area.

Yes, I was getting closer to my home. The breeze around me turned playful and I found my spirit lifting a bit. Without having to reach out, I felt Shadowfax's conscious touch mine. We did not delve into another silent exchange of thought. Instead, we reveled in the closeness of each other. We were all that we had.

{Thanks Nessie. ^^ I can already promise you that it won't be what you expect. x3 Logging off for tonight. Just wanted to get the Present started.}

The Present; Chapter 2

It moved sluggishly; the space bus. I closed my right eye and dipped my head down again to peer through the silver telescope. My mouth was set in a grim line, my gray eye cold as I peered through the magnified lens. By the time I had gotten to the observation post, my own little campsite, the space bus had made its way to Neptune. Now it was just departing Pluto and making its way toward here.

"How long before they're able to see us?" I asked out loud. A soft rustle of paper to my right and I knew Shadowfax had stood up. His delicate wings ruffled and I straightened my spine, giving up at looking at what could be impending doom. The corners of my lips pulled up into a smile and I opened my arms. Shadowfax leaped into them and I held him close.

Shadowfax is a seemingly fox-like creature. His pure black fur gives the essence of the darkened night sky. Protruding from just below his shoulder blades are maroon colored demonic wings. When spread to their full extent, their wingspan reaches five feet. Shadowfax himself, from head to spike-tipped tail, is about two and a half feet. The curved dagger on his tail makes him seem larger and adds another five inches to his length. When standing erect, Shadowfax is a good foot and a half tall.

His tail dangled just below my arms, the curved dagger kept at a safe distance away. I buried my face into his soft fur and he sighed. His maroon colored eyes blinked as I pulled my head back up. He wriggled out of my grasp and landed nimbly on the white grass below. I set myself to pushing the papers into a drawer, probably disorganizing the complcated papers I had been working to decipher.

{Not sure if it's finished yet for this chapter}

The Present; Chapter 2 Cont.

As I busied myself with clearing the notes and intricate math problems off of the table, I was acutely aware of the time ticking by. My hands began to shake and the paper I was holding bent as I tightened my grip onto it. I released one of my hands and steadied myself using the metal desk. Shadowfax was well aware of the panic attack, but he did not show it. His tail flicked as he waited for me to calm down.

I focused on slowing my breathing. My gray eyes scrutized and I smacked a fist down on the table. With the small burst of violence, my panic was gone. "We can do this," I murmured, more to myself than to Shadowfax. He stood and peered over at the paper in my hands. I smoothed out the creases of it and examined the parchment.

"It's just gibberish," I said and began to stuff it in a drawer with the rest, but Shadowfax's paw stopped me. He flexed his claws and the tips of the black nails drew my attention to a mark. I shook his paw off and peered closer to the small marking. It seemed to shimmer when caught in light. I tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear and sighed. It seemed to be made up of a wavy blue line running down the page. From there; two hues of green, two shades of blue, the colors; red, purple, black, and orange all connected to the blue line with their own strands of color.

"We should check the other documents and see if the same emblem is on them. It's odd," Shadowfax commented. I nodded and tucked the document into another drawer. With the table cleared off, I pulled out a small silver key from my pocket and locked the drawers. From then, I folded up my silver telescope and shoved it under the desk. I sat down heavily into a metal chair resting a few feet away from the desk. Shadowfax leaped onto my lap and curled up with his head against my arm.

"I could take them," he said quietly.

"No, I'll take them. You have to greet them, though. I can't let the driver of the bus see me," I said aloud. Shadowfax nodded in agreement and sighed.

"We have each other. Just remember that. I'll never leave you," he thought to me. I was thrust back into memories at his simple statement.

Dirt clouded my vision and trickles of dirt tumbled down my throat, choking me. I felt something wet on my cheeks and knew I was crying. My whines were muffled from the dirt. My bubble of energy was getting smaller as more weight was forced upon me. A noise hit me from above, then. The sound of claws scraping against rock and earth. I pushed my head back, my neck complaining from the effort. A trickle of light sparked through the darkness. I saw a flash of black paws and the hole grew bigger. A demonic winged creature grabbed the collar of my shirt and yanked me up. The next thing I knew, I was being carried out of the hole by the creature. I knew what it was; something only in fairy tales. My savior was a demon foxcat.

"Shadowfax," I whispered as I pulled him closer, once again pulled back into reality. He nuzzled my cheek before leaping out of my arms. He had watched the memories alongside me. I patted him on the head and he jumped off of my lap. I stood confidently, the soft white grass of my home planet tickled my ankles. I stepped out from under my canopy-covered observation post and fingered the brass instrument on my side.

I pulled out the pocket telescope and peered through the lens. "I'll be waiting in Ravine," I said, my body already relaxing at the thought of being in my permanent home in the treehouse settlement above our river. Ravine was what we had dubbed the place because home just reminded us of better days.

"All will be well," Shadowfax tried to assure me.

"You know what they say. All's well that ends well," I thought to him with a shake of my head.

The Present; Chapter 3

Shadowfax busied himself with pulling a tarp out from underneath the metal desk. When he freed the snag that had caught on the corner of the desk, he ran out from under the observation post. The white fabric of the tarp shimmered slightly as it attempted to blend in with the grass. He walked to the edge of the post and stretched the length of the tarp along the outer edge of the area. When he was satisfied, he unfurled him wings and leaped into the air. His slende form dipped down once, but strong downstrokes from his maroon wings made him rise.

He used only a few more wingbeats to clear the canopied roof of the observation area, the tarp hanging from his outstretched claws. He folded his wings in slightly and angled himself onto the ground; he was now on the other side of the post. When his paws touched the white grass, the tarp settled itself onto the roof. He brushed the tarp against the grass and released it from his claws.

The figure shimmered slightly before disappearing altogether. There, he thought with a nod of approval to himself. He cocked his head to the right, his ears swiveling as the sound of an engine neared. The foxcat turned on his paws and began to trot out into the field. His location consisted of flat grassland. Everything was out in the open which had proved quite dangerous to the observation post before. Patrolling space cars had been seen more often and scrambling to hide the post and themselves wasn't exactly a fun trip.

To his right lay the woods where, if he went deeper, he would find Ravine. The hidden structures built throughout the woods brought safety to him and Taylor in the dark hours of the night where the nocturnal carnivores hunted. To his left; crumbling houses could barely be seen on the dusty skyline. Another once glorious civilization led that way, but neither of them had been back there since Doomsday.

The sound of the engine was growing in volume now. Shadowfax craned his neck up, maroon eyes wide and unblinking. The metallic sheen of the space bus came into full view and the foxcat sat down on his haunches. The roar of the engine screeched and Shadowfax cringed, his ears lying flat down on his head to block out the sound. He flinched when the bus landed heavily on the ground. The engine cut off and then there was silence.

Nice writing :) The only thing that seemed off to me the shortness of the sentences (unless you meant it that way?)

There's also a lot of telling instead of showing. I don't get much of what the characters are thinking at all. Also... the "you", which shouldn't be included at all. 

Ex:  "To his right lay the woods where, if you went deeper, you would find Ravine. The hidden structures built throughout the woods brought safety to him and Taylor in the dark hours of the night where the nocturnal carnivores hunted."

Replace the "you" with he, and it should all be in the same context. :)

Looking forward to more, btw.

Thanks for the criticism, Prinxess. (:

I fixed what you said and I've also been contemplating on going back and including more detail; thoughts as you said. I'll probably add more in the new chapter, but that probably won't be coming for a while.

I need to make a LOT of character bios. x3

Thank you <3