No offense, but you're supposed to start a new paragraph when the person who's talking changes, use spaces in between dialog, commas, and periods, and use more detail to describe their feelings, the setting, how the character looks, and in between dialog. :/

It isn't interesting when people just write tons of dialog and not many details. D:  Sorry if i'm being mean, i'm just a little disappointed at how your story is. ^^;

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"Hello I am Yemar, you look extremely tired!  Here have a seat, dont be scared.  It was raining wasnt it?  Haha, I can tell by the way you're hair is dripping on my new carpet.  While you dry off would you like to hear a story?  I knew that you couldnt resist, just sit back and relax as this magical tale is told to you." The strange old man goes over to his dilapitated book shelf and picks up a huge, dusty book.  You dont mind hearing a story, its better than being out in the cold battering rain." Pay close attention young one.  This WILL change your life..."

See how much better it looks with spaces? ;D  And instead of 'the strange old man goes' It should be, 'The strange old man went' xD  There are a few other errors, but i'm not sure if you mind me correcting your story so i'm not going to tell more for now.

(( I have another idea *sneaky eyes* ))

It was dark out, though it was only 6:25 pm. It wasnt cold though, the trees stirred slightly as a light wind blew in them, the villagers all in their houses or closing the shops. At night the village was magical, the lights lit up the town and made it look beautiful. Kiye would often walk down the streets by himself but tonight he would rather watch the view from the window in his room. The wind blew in his face and he closed his eyes, relishing the coolness that it brought. The crickets were not yet audible, which was Kiye's favorite part of night time. He watched as Mr. Sazos pulled his wagon behind him, it was full of the things that he had bought for his family, Kiye waved to him. Mr. Sazos was their neighbor, he was a kind-hearted man who wanted to share the things that he had with the poor. He had a really good reputation with the rest of the villagers.

(( Herm... back xD ))

Mr. Sazos waved back and Kiye smiled. Weariness crept over him and he let out a loud yawn "Night, Mr. Sazos!" he called before closing his window and locking it shut. He pushed the curtains back to its original place, not wanting stalkers or something to look through his window. His walls were a very bright neon green, he had saved alot of money to get them done that way. Not many kids had their walls in color, it was very rare and expensive. He sat on his bed and sighed, not feeling tired anymore. "What is wrong with me?" he laughed and he lay down, thinking. There was a flash of bright light coming from his closet and he looked up. "Whats that?!" he asked himself as he jumped off of his bed and headed towards his closet door, opening it he stepped inside. Everything went black.

(( Oh. Almost forgot about this xD ))

There was this noise unlike any other, it was unbearable. It sounded like a shrill screech that didn't stop. Kiye couldn't see and he covered his ears, his head starting to ache, his eardrums experiencing severe pain. He fell to the floor and couldn't help but scream to block out the noise. Suddenly another blinding light was heading towards him and he blinked. In that second that he had blinked he was just in his regular closet, his shoes all over the floor. Rubbing his head he looked at a box that had seemed to have hit his head. "That was weird" he thought as he got up only to fall back down again at the excruciating pain. Letting out a gasp he looked at his legs, which seemed to have some kind of mark on them. He reached his hand towards the strange symbol to touch it and it burned his hand. "Ow" he screamed as he pulled his hand away.

Continued

Kiye panicked for a second, he tried to get up again but this time he didn't feel any pain. He sighed and walked over to his bed. There was a knock on his door, it was Siya. "Are you alright in there?" she asked before barging in anyway, defeating the whole purpose of knocking. "I'm fine" Kiye mumbled, still confused about what had just happened. "Well anyway, we're going into town together as a "family", that's what Disha calls it." Kiye smiled, talking with his sister was rare since she was always moody and stayed in her room most of the time. "That's cool" he replied. Siya's eyes opened wide "I guess, but not with Disha around. I'm sure she'll find SOMETHING to complain about..." Kiye laughed and Siya let out a smile. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight!" she called as she got up and left his room, closing the door behind her. Kiye took a deep breath and looked at the mark.... It was gone.