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6:31pm Jun 14 2010
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Normal User
Posts: 1,191
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A wild Inspiration attacks!
GO! PENCIL AND PAPER! Pencil and Paper attack with Lazyness!
It doesn't affect the wile Inspiration... Inspiration attacks with HURRY UP AND WRITE! IT WAS FREAKING SUPER EFFECTIVE, MAN!! :D Nerd aside. I'M BEGGING YOU TO COMMENT! Please? <8C Posts will follow.
my name's russ and i only care about uldavi and cute men |
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6:33pm Jun 14 2010 (last edited on 6:42pm Jun 14 2010)
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Normal User
Posts: 1,191
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Flint. I but met you at a glance,
And though you never noticed,
Our souls rubbed against each other,
A pair of flint; One igniting the other. So I decided to write
A poem for you
Even though I don't even know your name.
my name's russ and i only care about uldavi and cute men |
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6:36pm Jun 14 2010
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Normal User
Posts: 10
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o:... It's pretty. I like the use of Flint for the metaphor. Makes sense. ^.^ |
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6:47pm Jun 14 2010 (last edited on 9:26pm Jun 14 2010)
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Normal User
Posts: 1,191
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Diana, I know.
I didn't know your
Name,
So I'll call you Diana.
I know only a few things about you,
But do know that what I know about
You is all that will matter.
I know that your voice
Is sweet; a peach with no pit,
As if Nature had given me tastes
Of fresh air then condemned me to my city
Of smog.
You have hair that makes
Starlight jealous-- white and
Glorious as your
Wrinkled face that matches mine.
But what grabbed me were your eyes--
so soft and tender, and I think,
Where is her man?
So I lose myself in your eyes and hands,
Drown in those clear forest-green glades.
You had no wedding ring
'round your finger.
But I couldn't find the courage
To fix that.
my name's russ and i only care about uldavi and cute men |
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9:14pm Jun 14 2010
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Normal User
Posts: 55
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O_o that was amazing!
http://dragcave.net/user
/XDragonWolf13
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9:44pm Jun 14 2010
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Normal User
Posts: 1,864
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The second one is great. Flint is good too, but do you think the word "rubbed" could be replaced with "clicked"? No need to take it to heart :) Good job. I like the very last stanza of all the best, it shows the ending. However, if there is a followup, where finally he talks to her, finds out her name, and proposes? No marriage, thats too far in. Just proposing. Overall, I love it. :D Good job.
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9:47pm Jun 14 2010
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Normal User
Posts: 1,191
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Now now, Fizzy, you guys may get to read my book before I get it published, but that doesn't mean I'll give away all the book before I know where I'm going. ;) Just note that I never intended on getting them married. :0 All I'm saying.
my name's russ and i only care about uldavi and cute men |
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9:48pm Jun 14 2010
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Normal User
Posts: 1,191
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The Spanish Inquisition
Diana, I'd like to ask
you a question.
Why is it I'm so smitten for you?
I have no idea of your personality, yet
It's not but a mere crush.
I haven't felt this way for so
Long, you've awakened
A part of me I knew for a fact was gone,
And now that it's
Returned, you've
Thrown every
Unquestionable
Thing
Into
The Spanish
Inquisition.
my name's russ and i only care about uldavi and cute men |
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9:49pm Jun 14 2010
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Normal User
Posts: 1,191
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At 1:04 AM I lay awake, my only thoughts
Of you.
Or at least
Pertaining
To you.
To my lonely house,
Fridge neat and orderly with
Food stacked in rows.
There's angel food cake in my fridge.
Thinking of angels makes me
Envision you.
my name's russ and i only care about uldavi and cute men |
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11:30am Jun 15 2010
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Normal User
Posts: 1,191
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Glanced from Afar
There you are, Diana.
Sitting on the green park bench
Speckled white with bird droppings.
Your alabaster hair pulled back in a
Ponytail, green eyes kind and happy as
You watch the children play their games,
Drinking in their every move, Savoring it,
Savoring it like a cat would do
Cream.
Studies show excessive makeup
Shows a woman with low esteem.
You wore no makeup.
I plan to keep it that way.
my name's russ and i only care about uldavi and cute men |
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1:04pm Jun 15 2010
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Normal User
Posts: 1,864
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Love it. ;D Keep going.
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5:00pm Jun 15 2010
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Posts: 10
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My favorite is still "Diana, I Know", but I like the others too. Great job. ;]
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6:23pm Jun 16 2010
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Normal User
Posts: 1,191
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Here's a little revision to the first, tell me wehat you make of it: Flint. Our souls rubbed against
Each other like a pair of
Flint: yours igniting the other. So, I wrote a poem for you,
A cliche love poem for
Your wrinkled face that matches
My own; your alabaster
Hair tied up in a
Casual bun. So, I wrote a poem for you,
Even though I don't know your
Name.
my name's russ and i only care about uldavi and cute men |
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6:30pm Jun 16 2010
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Posts: 149
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I'm no professional critic, Russ, but I like it all. :3 Very much, in fact.
 I love you Omena. <3 "If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur." -- Doug Larson |
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8:13pm Jun 16 2010
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Posts: 3,265
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I love them, Russ!~ ^_^
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10:34pm Jun 16 2010
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Normal User
Posts: 1,864
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I like aspects of the new Flint, but not the last stanza. Its repetitive of Diana, I know once you read it. I like the sort of surprise from Diana, I know at first from that, so I'd leave it out of flint. But hey, I'm not the writer. ;D
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10:50am Jun 17 2010
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Normal User
Posts: 1,191
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You're right, with that it becomes repetitive. I'll fix it in a while ♥
my name's russ and i only care about uldavi and cute men |
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3:18am Jun 18 2010
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Normal User
Posts: 1,576
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Oh russ. I love your poems. Can I slap them. |
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10:33am Jun 18 2010
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Normal User
Posts: 1,191
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omg Twint slap them reely reely hard!11!!!111! Hur-hur-hur
my name's russ and i only care about uldavi and cute men |
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5:05pm Jun 18 2010
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Normal User
Posts: 572
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Very nice Russ, I hope you publish some for sure. :3
-and a new day will dawn, for those who stand long, and the forest will echo with laughter-
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