I hope that the stories don't have to be Rescreatu related O.o

Well, I found this and thought that it would be nice to have some critique and input for this piece. I don't really have many ideas for how this should turn out, or if I should put more of the story before this piece or anything, so... if you have any comments/helpful critique/ideas, please feel free to post. I'd love it :)

If you like my writing I would be happy to write something for you, just a plot, some characters, a setting, and an idea of how you want the story to end or begin might be enough. I don't know, I've never done a comission before but I'd like to try. Okay, enough of this, here's the story:

 ~Hiding~

            My heart is pounding in my throat, almost as hard as my footsteps on the floor. Every breath I take feels like it’s too rough for my throat and there’s a sharp pain in my side from breathing so hard.           

Only one word echoes over and over in my mind, bouncing with each footstep, my mind barely able to form any other coherent thought. No.           

I clutch the one thing that is keeping me running close to me in my head. It is all that I can think of, along with a desperate desire for him to be safe. I doubt it highly, but so much thinking as this sends the pain deeper into my head, where it grows larger and feeds off of my thoughts. I stop thinking, focusing on the space in front of me, the sound of my feet smacking the linoleum.           

The pain shrinks, but lingers uncomfortably in the outer edges.           

I am closer to him. The anticipation is enough to kill me, if the effort to run so hard this far doesn’t kill me first.           

I can see a shred of light poking out from under the door, as if afraid of coming any farther into the gloom. I lean forward more and force myself to keep running for the last several yards. Being so close makes my body want to slow down, but my mind has become numb from so much of this. The habit is becoming comfortable to accept, but insufferable to endure.           

I slow down, my head begins to spin and my nose feels like it’s floating off of my face. I nearly double over, willing myself to remain upright so that I can reach the door.           

I can barely hear anything. My heart is still too loud in my throat, my breath too loud in my head.           

I stop breathing, but my heart is still thundering.           

Stop, stop, stop…           

I begin breathing heavily again as I give up trying to be silent enough to understand the voices I might be imagining.           

I creep over to the door and cup my hand around my mouth.           

I must not be heard. I must not be seen. They must not know I am here.           

I press my ear to the cold metal of the door. It feels good. There are definitely voices, and they are quiet. They are getting quieter. My heartbeat begins to speed up again, but not as violent as before. I can hear now.           

“…not here by tomorrow--” A shrilly, obnoxious, female voice whines.           

“No!” A male voice booms, startling me, “We wait. She speak. I know.” She...? The man has a strange accent. His tones incline at strange intervals, and there is an undertone to his voice that gives me sudden nostalgia for the home I have left behind to find Milo.           

The man kept talking, but I don’t hear the rest. A door is shut loudly behind them.           

I wait for a few moments, and then push open the door as silently as I can…

Oops, there's supposed to be a new paragraph in those big spaces. Sorry, I don't know how to fix that...

EDIT:

fixed it :)