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Blood Rose


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Insane

8:38am May 15 2009 (last edited on 11:14pm May 20 2009)

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Posts: 2,422

Blood Rose

 New Beginning

 Shrill screams of pain echoed through a dense forest that lined the Arkansas River. Two dark figures were kneeled on each side of a seventeen year old girl, their pale hands clamped over her mouth to muffle the sound of another scream. A third pale figure lifted her head from its bent position, blood and venom dripped from her slightly elongated fangs."Please..." a faint voice pleaded. It soon occurred to me, that voice was mine."I am sincerely sorry my dear, it will be over soon" one of the leaner males answered my plea. His voice had little tints of spanish accent . “We are all sorry, and yes it will be over soon” the female reassured me. I closed my eyes tightly and clenched my teeth. I felt the blood running warm down the skin of my neck. The venom raced through my veins like a cheetah racing to catch its prey. The venom was the cheetah and my heart was the prey. How much more could I take? “Just a few more minutes” the bulkier male whispered.

 

 I could hear wolves sprinting after deer, the low kneeing sound of crickets, hikers climbing up a steep hill, and the low breathing of the creatures beside me. “What is your name?” the female asked. “Desire” I answered. “We will Rose” she declared . The pain faded from my veins as the fire grew in my throat. “Very well. Josh, Ben meet your new sister, Rose”. She said. “What is your name” I managed to choke out. “Roxy” she answered. “But everyone calls me Fox” Roxy continued. “It is done” Josh said lowly. I opened my eyes and sat up. Roxy leaned casually against a large red wood tree. Josh hung upside down on a branch above Roxy. Ben sat cross-legged a few feet away from me. Two sets of bare feet were running quickly towards us. Five seconds later two other females ran to Roxy and chatted with her before the bronze haired one turned and looked over me. A feral hiss rose from my throat and cut the silence of the night air. I felt Josh and Ben run behind me. The each put their left hand on each of my shoulders trying to restrain me. I felt a gentle breeze blew in my face, carrying three scents. The first was honey and lilac mixed together, the second was a cinnamon and rose with a hint of perfume, and the last was vanilla and apple cider combined with tropical flowers. I inhaled deeply then relaxed and sunk to the ground. Every one relaxed as well then the dark brown haired female looked at me. “I am Annabelle call me Anna.” The bronze haired girl said with a voice of velvet and silk twined together. The dark brown haired girl nodded, “I am Gabriella, call me Ella.” “Lucca, please come” Roxy called into the forest. A lean but muscled male stepped into the small clearing. His dirty blonde hair hung to his chin, his eyes were dull gold with black edges. He wore no shirt and deconstructed jeans.

 

 

 “Hello, Rose. I am Lucca, nice to meet you” His vioce was thick with Italian acent.I nodded shyly as he walked towards me slowly. Roxy, Ella and Anna flanked him. The three sat down in a line in front of me while Lucca sat on my right side. I turned to face him, working up low purr like growls even though I felt completely at ease. Three minutes passed as Lucca looked over me. My light honey brown hair fell to my shoulder, curling into tight ringlets as they reached my chin. My eyes were shocking crimson red with black edges. I wore a brown tank top under a short sleeved green shirt with a hood and dark wash deconstructed jeans. I gasped. The girl reflected in his eyes and the girl I knew to be me looked nothing alike. Lucca smiled “Rose” he whispered. “Is it really me?” I asked amazed. “The venom changes the appearance of the victim while it runs through the veins.” Roxy informed me. She had light gray hair that fell to her chin and golden amber eyes. She wore a long sleeve lilac purple shirt with dark wash jeans. Lucca jumped to his feet and growled deep in his throat. “Leave” he ordered everyone, but me. They all growled but ran into the forest then out the other side. Two large animals walked into the clearing in front of us. One was a large silver wolf the other was a large red falcon-like bird. I shifted into a low defensive crouch, letting loud growls. Lucca shifted into a lower crouch then mine almost letting his hands touch the ground. A few feral hisses rose in my throat and spat through my clenched teeth. The fire grew in my throat as I clenched my hands into fists.The wind blew the sweet scent of their blood into my face as I stepped forward lightly. Lucca grabbed my wrists and pulled them behind my back. I growled at him and tried to break free only to have my hands clenched tighter. “Let go!” I growled pulling more to fre my hands. “No” Lucca said sternly. I saw the two animals dissapear into the forest and sighed angerly. Lucca relaxed and released my wrists then stepped a few paces back, terror washed over his face. A fine drizzle of coldwinted rain fell upon the earth and filled the river.

 

 The rain picked up then into a strong downpour, making my hair stick to my neck. I sighed as I sank to the ground then lay out on my back, cringing lightly when the rain stuck my face. I closed my eyes and tensed as Lucca came to my left side and sat down cross-legged. “I’m a monster” I whispered, my voice breaking at the last word. “No, never say that. You just haven’t had the chance to hunt yet.” He growled at me then lay down beside me. I opened my eyes and turned my head to where I could look right into his dull gold eyes. Low cat-like purrs built up in my neck again. I felt the rain soften into just a fine mist then snow. Lucca stood up as Anna, Ella, and Roxy walked back into the clearing. “Yo, Lucca. How ‘bout we get some chow?” Josh called walking behind Roxy. Lucca nodded then stood up just after I did. I tore the brown wedges from my feet and sighed then bolted into the woods, going in the general direction of the small town Bryant. “Alexandra. Stop” Lucca snarled.

 

 I ignored him and found a tall apartment building made of different shades of red brick. I picked a window with the curtains pulled aside and the lights turned off. Stepping back a few paces then running and jumping onto the window seal, I pulled the window open and tore the bug screen off. A seventeen year old boy with brown hair slept peacefully unaware of my presence. “Awaken” I called softly. His deep green eyes flew open and he sat up, looking around panicked ‘till he saw me. “What is you name” I asked softly. “Dante” he answered. “Well Dante, come with me” I said then allowed myself to fall backwards and land with only a slight thud. Dante peeked out the window then jumped after me. He landed silently on an old mattress and ran to me. I lured him into the woods quietly. “Alexandra, what are you doing.” I heard Lucca growl. I lured Dante into a small clearing along to banks of the river. Lucca stood by himself just a few feet from the flowing water.

 

“Lucca, this is Dante.” I said gesturing to the dazed and confused Dante who gazed from me to Lucca then back again. “Nice to meet you Dante” Lucca said, taking interest as a strong wind blew the scent of his blood to us. I tore my sleeves form my shirt, making it look like a tank top. Lucca gasped, and I saw him stagger backwards. “Rose, your back.” He said, sounding out of breath. Dante took the interruption and ran back to his apartment. “It’s beautiful…” he whispered. “What?” I nearly growled. I heard the sharp sound of a photo being taken then turned to glare at him. He gave me the small camera phone and smiled as I gasped. “It’s a tattoo but I never got near a tattoo parlor.” I said scanning my eyes over the picture. Two sets of fangs sat on top and below a sapphire blue diamond with a blood red rose in the middle of it, dominated my right shoulder blade.

 

 “You truly are special” he whispered, grinning ear to ear. A light vibration in my front left jean pocket made me jump before my ringtone rang an unusual tone twice. I checked the caller ID then threw my phone into the river, growls raising deep in my throat. Disgusted, I ran my hand through my hair then sighed. “What a normal reaction to a phone call” Lucca said, sarcasm in his voice. I shot him a look that practically screamed ‘Don’t-mess-with-me’. He shook his head then walked over to the river. A sly smile spread across my face as I ran the pushed him into the river, falling in myself. I laughed and swam to help him back to the bank. “What was that for?!” he yelled, shocked and shivering. “The opportunity was just to good to pass up.” I laughed. As I spoke a burst of warm air blew against us and dried out clothes quickly. “Did you do that?” I asked Lucca, he just shook his head. I tried thinking back to my life before this. Surprisingly the memories were clear as a bell. The front door slammed against the side of the white house as I ran into the thick forest, ignoring the thorns that tugged at my already torn and bloody jeans. Deer gathered around me as I threw myself to the ground, sobs tearing through my clenched teeth. Whimpers came from a well muscled male grey wolf as he nudged my soaked face with his cold nose. “Oh Thunder, it was horrible. He was so drunk I couldn’t understand a word he said. Then he slapped me across the face for no reason.” I cried, hugging Thunder tightly.

 

 The calming song of finch birds flooded through the forest, I could feel the animals trying to soothe me as well as I could tell a fine mist-like rain would fall any second. The wolf I knew so well to be Thunder howled to the heavens, asking for help and guidance from his ancient Cherokee friends. I smiled weakly as the melodious song of other wolves howling with him, also asking for help. “Thank you Thunder, you truly are the best friend I could ever have” I said, hugging him again. I stood up and walked with him until the forest came to an end by the bank of the river. There he stopped and ran back to his wolf friends. Rose?” Lucca said worriedly. “Who is Thunder? What do you mean best friend? Who is he?” Lucca whispered. I blinked then looked at him. “Thunder” I called into the forest. Heavy paws pounded the ground as the vast grey wolf ran to me. He howled happily and I swear I could hear him yell ‘She is alive’. “Oh Thunder” I practically cried. Thunder glared up at Lucca with the ‘Did-you-do-this’ look I knew from a million movies where the dad found his daughter pregnant after a big party.

 

 I laughed and shook my head as I stroked his soft fur. “Thunder, you don’t know how comforting it is to see you know.” I said then looked up at Lucca. “You wanted to know who Thunder was, right?” I asked innocently when Thunder growled protectively the second Lucca made any move towards me. “Yeah, but, he’s a little over-protective don’t you think?” Lucca said, flinching back as Thunder snapped at him when he tried to trace the tattoo on my shoulder blade. I shrugged then stood up, letting him trace it lightly all the while Thunder growled annoyed. “So, Thunder, have you been looking after the rest of them” I asked and looked down at Thunder. Again, I swear he said ‘The forest is calm no that you have been found. It got hectic for the week you were gone.’ “Week?” I gasped then looked at my diamond watch. The last day I had seen Thunder was April thirteenth. Today was April Twentieth.

 

 “What about week” Lucca said curiously. “Take me to see them” I told Thunder then followed him into the forest and halfway back to my old house. Growls rose in my throat now, the stench of heavy beer drifted in the air mixed with fowl cigars and the sound of my fathers roaring drunken laughter. Thunder howled lightly then stepped to my side as the mighty council of elder wolves gathered in front of me. I kneeled on one knee and barked lightly in greeting. The eldest male looked to Lucca. ‘Has the other being not learned our ways?” the second eldest female asked me. “I am sorry for his knowledge. He has not learned the ways of you kind” I explained cowering down as the male barked furiously. “It is truly a large load off of the sane part of this forest to know you are safe.” The female known as Selena spoke. “Yes, ma’am. My leader, she knows not of the cruelty of the one she calls master in the changed state. Please, I beg of you do not make her face him again. It is from that man being that the mark of a true hybrid creature is bestowed upon her shoulder blade.” Thunder spoke, turning me to where the tattoo faced the elders. Gasps traveled through the elders and the other wolves that had gathered.

 

 “Desire?” a human male’s voice could be heard in the near clearing. I gasped and franticly searched around then ran into a large, thick thorn bush that would severely harm a human. “Desire. It’s Seth. Are you out there?” I then sighed as the voice got closer. My feet moved forward until I was standing erect and facing the quickly retreating wolves. Lucca came to stand in front of me and turned me to where my back was facing him. I shivered in pleasure as his index finger lightly traced the complex design of my so called ‘hybrid mark’. A tall, gangly male human stepped from the trees into the small clearing. Lucca didn’t pause to look instead he began to trace the mark all over again. I turned to face Seth, also trying to keep from breaking Lucca’s tracing. Then I gasped. He was far from human, very far. Two vast angel-like wings spread from somewhere on his back. Lucca looked up from his tracing then froze before growling protectively. “Seth?” I asked confused. He nodded and looked down in shame. “Leave.” I said sternly. “Desire, love. Please listen. I didn’t choose this. I want it to go back to the way it was before this new world came into our lives.” He said softly. “We are no more” I said simply then took a rose from my hair that I rembered from when I first meet Seth.

 

The stem and thorn crushed easily then the petals dropped to the ground one by one as I destroyed the blood red rose. Seth stepped closer to me, making Lucca and I automatically step back. “I’m sorry” I sobbed then turned and ran back to the river, not stopping I jumped in and let the current pull me away. Thunder and Lucca ran, racing the river as I was pulled under. Then everything went black. The next thing I knew Lucca was standing over me, hands over his eyes and tears streaming down his already soaked face. “Oh Rose. Wake up.” He pleaded. I smiled faintly and closed my eyes. I felt his sobs increase as I held my breath. “Lucca?” I asked innocently then sat up. He gasped and threw his arms around my neck like a child. “Don’t scare me like that ever again” Lucca nearly growled but again hugged me tightly around the neck. “Sorry” I said hugging him back. Roxy emerged from the edge of the forest with Josh and Ben anxiously following her. “Oh Rose” Roxy said pushing Lucca out of the way so she could hug me also. Josh and Ben hugged me after her. Lucca helped me up and froze slightly as I leaned against him for support.”I think I’m going insane” I murmured in Lucca’s ear. “Why” he asked, walking with me through a meadow full of wild blood red roses.

 

 I looked around confused then glanced up at his face. He smiled down at me. “I think Thunder talked with the Elders and I think I understood him.” I explained, silently laughing at how insane I sounded. “You have an affinity for nature. It’s not surprising” he whispered. Roxy cleared her throat loudly and walked past us, murmuring “Get a room.” I half stepped out of Lucca’s arms and bent down to pick up a rose with blood running down its stem. I then picked up a small humming bird who was bleeding badly from its wing. “Poor thing.” I whispered as I laid it on a bed of maple leaves. I turned to the rose. ‘Blood Rose’ I whispered, wincing as I noticed my name. Lucca picked a pure white rose and pricked his finger on the sharpest thorn then held his bleeding finger over the top of the rose, letting the blood stain the petals red. He then fixed the rose into my hair to where the blood dripped lightly onto my shoulder. “Rose. As long as you wear this, you wont ever be alone.” He whispered then started walking behind Roxy like a body guard.

 

 I took the rose in my hands and smelled the delicious floral scent mixed with the seductive scent of Lucca’s blood. I re-positioned it to where it sat above my ear and followed, lagging behind Lucca to admire the sounds and smells of nature. “Rose” Roxy called before falling in step next to me.”So, you and Lucca huh. It’s rare for him to take such a liking to a newborn. Hope it works out” she said then ran in front of us all. I followed her almost instantly, racing past Lucca then eventually her. Lucca ran up beside me, then fell back to let Josh take his place. Ben ran in front of all of us, leading the way to a large, white, mansion-like two story house. I froze in place and stared in awe at the amazing house




"An Insane is a small creature that zips from person to person at hyper speed, stealing wallets and hearts in equal measure..." -Dmann
Raru

1:18am May 17 2009

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Posts: 583
First, before I read it. You have to do one thing: make it appealing to the readers. It's difficult to read a huge chunk of text so mind breaking it up to paragraphs? xD It helps.




Insane

11:14pm May 20 2009

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Posts: 2,422
Ok,I fixed it ^_^



"An Insane is a small creature that zips from person to person at hyper speed, stealing wallets and hearts in equal measure..." -Dmann
Raru

3:46am May 21 2009

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Posts: 583

Yay :D

I won't comment much on the plot but as I read this I have to say that your grammer needs a little work ^^; I can't point out all the things because I fail miserably in grammer but stuff such as starting a new line for everytime a different person speaks.

Deion-wise, it be nicer if they were slightly longer and more detailed. I like (noticed it's 'I'. I can't vouch for others) deions that are more sensitive to the little details. I enjoyed some of the decription though like how you described the crickets having a 'kneeing sound' though, it was interesting to see you see it as that.

Pace was prett quick though so slow it down a bit xD But this is a usual thing in writing (either that or I like taking my time reading)

Aaand, that's it I think. I could give you a more detailed critique but otherwise this is just what I think o3o





cattuccino

7:11pm May 22 2009

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Posts: 10

You should probably work on your grammar. I've noticed a considerable lacking in your use of commas and other forms of punctuation.

Your biggest problem is your dialogue. You're not only incorrectly paragraphing it, but you're incorrectly punctuating it as well.

In example, if a dialogue between two characters goes like this:

Character One: "Hello, how has your day been?"
Character Two: "It's been fine."

It should be written in prose like this:

"Hello, how has your day been?" asked Character One.

"It's been fine," Character Two replied.

Notice how a new line-break, or paragraph, is started each time someone speaks. Just because a stream of dialogue is all on the same topic, that does not mean it's all meant to be within one paragraph.

Of course, the sentences I displayed are the simplest ones imaginable. There are all different ways to write speech well, and to keep the dialogue from becoming stale and repetitive. I suggest you look up writing tips on websites, or check out a narrative-writing book or grammar book from your library or bookstore.

Or, barring that, just pick up a book and take note of how an author writes his or her dialogue and try to duplicate that flow.






for the world is hollow and I have touched the sky

Insane

8:49pm May 23 2009

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Posts: 2,422
You should know that in the book it wont be in paragraph.I just fixed it 'cause it was hard to read.



"An Insane is a small creature that zips from person to person at hyper speed, stealing wallets and hearts in equal measure..." -Dmann
Insane

8:50pm May 23 2009

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Posts: 2,422
But thanks for the info.I will be sure to rember it.



"An Insane is a small creature that zips from person to person at hyper speed, stealing wallets and hearts in equal measure..." -Dmann
Raru

10:57pm May 23 2009

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Posts: 583
Erm, books always put them in paragraphs if you haven't noticed o3o




Insane

1:57am May 24 2009

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Posts: 2,422
Not the books Ive read



"An Insane is a small creature that zips from person to person at hyper speed, stealing wallets and hearts in equal measure..." -Dmann
Insane

1:58am May 24 2009

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Posts: 2,422
And Ive read over one hundred books



"An Insane is a small creature that zips from person to person at hyper speed, stealing wallets and hearts in equal measure..." -Dmann
Raru

3:05am May 24 2009

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Posts: 583

Alright, this is a story with paragraphs on the forums:

http://i246.photobucket.com/albums/gg100/HappyVeggies/fgvhbjn.jpg

See how it's broken up?

Next I went and took a random book off my shelf, grabbed an idiot and asked her to circle the paragraphs in one of the pages and this is what she got:

http://i246.photobucket.com/albums/gg100/HappyVeggies/05-24-2009035245PM.jpg

They're both the same alright. They both have paragraphs. And if you want, I can show you it in about fifty more books. :/





Ping

3:06am May 24 2009

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Posts: 1,775
I've read less than ten books, and I seem to know my punctuation better than you.



I (HATE)' YOU

Feel the love man D:<

cattuccino

10:05am May 24 2009

Normal User


Posts: 10
How young are you, that you've only read a hundred books?

I've probably read tens of thousands, and I'm telling you right now, every single one of them was in paragraph form.

I suggest you go take another look.





for the world is hollow and I have touched the sky

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