It's too short to critique properly, but I'll give it ago.
There are some spelling errors, but they're really obvious if you look over it. (i.e. btu should be but)
The next is the lack of transition. "Yukko backed away in fear from
Clow Reed. She heard stories about him btu she didn't know if these
stories were true." [insert legend here] "Yukko put
her hand next to Clow Reed and said, "I guess you're not a monster after
all. You're actually quite a majestic, friendly and quite charming
creature." There's nothing in between those two statements that could
indicate a changed opinion. How did Claw Reed change her mind?
On
a a slightly different note, is that legend itself. How could Clow Reed
not have done it, when there is physically proof, and many witness
accounts that he did? Another thing this is Clow Reed himself. He's a
sorcerer, supposedly, but acts like a beast (devouring people) and
Yukko's small bit of dialogue make him out to be some kind of animal.
Yukko's piece of dialogue: "I guess you're not a monster after
all. You're actually quite a majestic, friendly and quite charming
creature." A person wouldn't
give three deive words like that -- it sounds unrealistic and
fake. Something better would be "I suppose you're not a monster after
all... actually, you're rather friendly." And even that would be pushing
it
"When Yukko was young she heard stories about a
sorcerer that was so powerful that this particular sorcerer was known as "The Four Eyed Demon." If you analyze this sentence, it makes no sense.
Something better would be... When Yukko was young, she heard stories
about a sorcerer so powerful that he garnered his own ti
tle:
"The Four-Eyed Demon."
spark teeth and snake like tounge
--> Sharp teeth and a snake-like tongue. Claw like hand --> Claw-like hand.... ect.
"After it had left the village it was in the village looked like it was
hit by a storm." --> After he had left the village, the village looked liked it had been hit by a storm.
You
refer to Clow Reed as a sorcerer (I'm assuming in your story a sorcerer
is a human with magical abilities) but you use 'it' to describe him. It
would be wise to give Clow Reed a gender if he/she is human, but if
he's not, then keep the 'it', but I might not use the word sorcerer to
describe him.
"Yukko put
her hand next to Clow Reed and said..." Wat. Next to Clow Reed; Hovering mid-air? Placed on a rock? It's not very clear.
Eh, here's my two cents. I had more, but Res's formatting problems ate it. Keep up the good work, it has potential.
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