I plan on getting published using poetry.

I knew from the beginning writing poetry wouldn't get much feedback.
But really? 2 or 3 comments. Something's wrong there.

Back to publishing. I've noticed many of the books of poetry have themes. So I'm going to be putting mine into themes: Night.
I realized the cliche of this, which is why I'm putting new spins on everything I can find.

So. Here's where you come in.
I need feedback on poetry that'll be coming up. Now, if you want, you can do the "It's good," but that's not feedback. When I say that, I mean say what you liked, disliked, if it was good or bad, your favorite stanza, what your favorite part was, etc. There's so much you can do that will change me on an infinite level. I know I'm no Shakespeare, and I never will be, but I'm really begging you here-- well, bribing, more like.

Because if you help me, you WILL get something. Anyone who helps, even in the slightest, will be given something from the bottom of my heart. So, please. I'm begging you. Just... bother to view my works at the least, comment if you have any time at all, give feedback and be immortalized in my mind forever.


I'm praying. My mum always said I'd be someone when I grew older. Don't prove her wrong.

Tell everyoner you can about this-- blog everywhere about it, tell your English teachers, do whatever you can do. There's a saying that says "It takes a village to raise a child." The same prospect goes into writing a book. Please.

First poem.

Drinking The Moon
_____



I drank up the moon,
drank it as if the heavens were
my cup, the Milky Way my fluid.

Sipping at my quicksilver contents,
Making me feel febrile,
But with a touch of wintry.

Soon there was nothing left, though,
Making the world seem so much..

Quieter.

Oh, On the first poem, I like the Making the world seem so much.. Quieter. It gives you a feel of that lonesome time of night, you know what I mean?

"I drank up the moon" I like it! I really think its a nice saying :3

I truthfully would buy a book if you published it. I will read more. [Usually never in writing threads]

-And no bribe me. I like to help!!

Ani, thanks so much. Changed it, it's now

"But with a touch of wintry."

No problem, seriously.  ;D 

Anyways.  Comments/Feedback.

Drinking the Moon

It sounds very creative and original in its tpoic..  I think that the second stanza is probably my favorite, simply because of the wording.  The first two were very creative in their wording, witht the last one being a little less so, at least from my perspective.  Other than that, I didn't really notice anything.

^ Sorry it's a bit short.  >_>  If I think of anything else, I'll post it.

I'll also try to help:)

 I think your poem flows really well and you have great word choice. However, the choice of "fluid" felt a little odd to me, it could be changed to "wine" or "water", but on the other hand it leaves a lot of room for interpretation, which good poems do. I also personally don't like ellipses in poetry, I prefer dashes or just space. Ellipses seem to me like you are searching for a word in the middle of thought, but then again that might be good if that's what you intend. Finally, you could play with the punctuation more, which might make it more "fluid in reading"as MysticalWonder" said. It's okay to leave out periods and commas, or add them in unexpected places.

With trippiness in mind comes the next poem:

Fishing for dreams.

I'm not altogether happy with this one, and probably will revise it.

I'm going to fish for dreams today
Before the night's hair turns grey
All you need to fish for dreams
Is a fishing pole while the moonlight gleams

But should nightmares sneak up on me
And tell me of my dreams to free
I'll do what they say before first light
For surely with them I'd lose a fight!

I love to last two stanzas, the 

 "All you need to fish for dreams

Is a fishing pole while the moonlight gleams"

Gleams, I like that.

"I'm going to fish for dreams today" I don't know why, but it sounds kind of odd. Then with the next stanza, its matching with "All you need" is funky. But I like it, a lot. It a creative poem, I love it.

I love your moonlight/night themes. They are so pretty, I truly want to see everything!

The way you right, it gives off what kind of feeling you are trying to give to it. It speaks up, and kind of lifts you off to where you think you would be, or the imagination paints a visual image I think of, when I read these.

Desert at Night

_______

I apologize for not updating for so long, everyone.

Here's one that I recently wrote that I think is the best.

___
Her Moon's Lullaby
___

Last night to the moon, I sang lullabies,

Sang about daylight and it’s own beauties,

And the moon sang back about owls so wise,

And I trill’d ‘bout fluttering honeybees.

Last night to the moon I sang a refrain,

And the moon heeded, with voices so sweet!

I sang about hummingbirds, oh so vain,

She croon’d ‘bout bats, her own aerial fleet.

Last night to the moon, I chanted at her,

O, last night I chanted about the sun.

O, her reply, it was simply a purr,

O, then drifted down a reply to stun.

O, then drifted by a sight for sore eyes,

Then drifted by a single firefly.

I love this lullaby one the best. A coversation with the moon about daytime. I've always loved the moon. And I admire your rhyming skills.

I think my favorite part of this would be 'She croon'd 'bout bats, her own aerial fleet'. There's just something about that sentence.

I might watch you on dA...