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9:31pm Jan 2 2010 (last edited on 9:33pm Jan 2 2010)
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Chapter one Nickie ran across the gra.ssy feild, to the big oak tree where he stood. Once she got there, he turned around and stared at her, then sat on the ground next to her. Nickie sat too, and they just stared off into space for a while,when... "Nickie, Nickie, NICKIE!!!" Nickie woke up with a start. Oh great, it's my annoying little sister. "Darynn, what do you want?" "Nickie, I want a gla.ss of milk!" "Why can't you get some yourself? You totally ruined my dream." "Oh great, you're having one of those lovey dreams again, aren't you?" "you'll understand when you grow older" I sighed, then rolled off my bed and walked to the kitchen. "Nickie, I want some corn!" "It's too early to earn corn, Darynn." "But I wanna eat corn!" Darynn stepped on my foot. Hard. I sighed and poured a gla.ss of milk, then handed it to her. "The only thing you're getting this morning is milk, and that's it." Darynn stomped away, so I drank her cup of milk. I had no Idea how thirsty I was. (petty, your turn! 8D)
Flashbacks, warm nights,
Almost left behind.
Suitcases of memories,
Time after time.
ლ(╹◡╹ლ)
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9:45pm Jan 2 2010
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Posts: 6,216
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((By the way, to anyone reading, we're not roleplaying. :P Just writing a story together.))
Chapter Two The cool liquid flowing down her throat soothed her with such a feeling she was surprised. After draining the glas-s, she clunked it lightly on the counter and reached for her food-of-thought; baby carrots. A slight twinge of annoyance pricked her mind when she realized they weren't refridgerated, but she quickly shooed the thought from her mind. Unzipping the bag, she plucked one and shoved it into her mouth, chewing loudly. "N-N-N-NICKIEEEEEE!" The shrill voice of her sister pierced her thoughts yet again, causing the elder to sigh, holding up her hands in defeat. Eyes casting downwards, she mumbled, "There's no way to receive any peace in this household, is there?" "NICKIE!"
Frustrated, she yanked the zip-lock bag shut and stormed up the stairs, her footsteps slamming into each step with an angry force. "What!?" "THERE'S A SPIDER." "You disturb me for a spider?" Nickie's eyes flashed as she wondered how- HOW in the world such an annoying, evil, brat such as Darynn would be transformed into a state of panic all because of a small, eight legged creature smaller than her hand.
Wat.
ಠ_ಠ
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11:36pm Jan 2 2010
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Posts: 583
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Not a bad start, I quite like how you two are collaborating with each other :3 Would you want me to critique it? Because I won't if you're not looking for it xD |
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1:57am Jan 3 2010
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Posts: 2,036
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This is great! I love the idea of you two doing a story together. Keep writing. 8D
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9:29am Jan 3 2010
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Posts: 4,914
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((Inna loves spiders. D: bwaaaa. Inna would like some critique, but she's not sure about petty...)) Chapter Three (Darynn's point of view) I stomped up the stairs, into the attic. How hard is it to make corn? you just put water in a pot and plop corn in it. no problem, but my mean big sitster won't give me any. She won't even let me cook any myself. I decided to take out the cot and have a little rest there, in peace. I dragged out the cot from inside this huge box, and unfolded it. On, it there was about ten thousand and one spiderwebs. I thought they looked cool, but my positive thoughts about the artwork of spiders over the years were soon shattered by a horrid sight. It was a spider. A big, black spider with it's furry body and beady eyes. I let go of the cot and it toppled over. "N-NICKIEEEEEEEE!" I heard my sister's harsh footsteps as she stomped up the stairs. "WHAT!?"She said angrily. " THERE'S A SPIIIDER!!!!" "You disturb me for a SPIDER?" what would she be doing anyways? Daydreaming again? My sister stomped up the last few steps, and quickly walked over to me. "Where IS it?" "O-O-On the cot." Big sissy stomped over to the cot and flipped it over. Once she saw the spider, she picked it up and threw it out the window. "NICKIEEEEE!" "WHAT?!?!" "WHY DID YOU KILL THE SPIDER?!" "WHAT?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE SCARED OF IT!" "I didn't tell you to kill it." Big sissy just sighed and stomped down the stairs. Wow. She was even mean to bugs. " You are SO overreactive about EVERYTHING!" She yelled in a loud, harsh voice.
Flashbacks, warm nights,
Almost left behind.
Suitcases of memories,
Time after time.
ლ(╹◡╹ლ)
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10:36am Jan 3 2010
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Posts: 6,216
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Not really looking to critique for my parts. xD Dunno about Inna wanting you to critique hers though. I'm not really checking my grammar and stuff as much as I usually do, so, lol. There's likely a bunch of typoes. @_@ Inna can get critiques for her parts. :3 Thank you both.
Chapter Four (Back to Nickie's POV) The disgusted look in Darynn's eyes was enough for me to turn my back to her. Huffing and feeling quite peeved, I slammed the door shut behind me as I exited her bedroom. Darynn always called for something, whether it be permission, a slave, someone to save her from a spider...everything...did the child ever feel satisfaction in her life? The answer; apparently not. "God," I breathed out, running my fingers through my slightly knotted hair, "So demanding..." All I demanded right now was a chance to run outside and out of the house in which I shared with my sister and parents. They, however, were out shopping, so it was up to me to tame the devil in her fiery tempers and desires. Joy. Being that the grocery store's location didn't help to conserve time, our parents would likely be out of the house for a long while. The thought of sneaking out and being able to do what I wanted for maybe just an hour allured me. Darynn, with her big mouth, would blabber it all off though, and I'd be thrown into my room, grounded, for leaving the house unattended and without permission. Really, the household was like a jailcell- you can't leave, you're stuck with annoying inmates, and there's almost no escape. --- Wow, these chapters are short compared to what I usually write. XD
Wat.
ಠ_ಠ
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8:37pm Jan 8 2010
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Wat.
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4:44pm Jan 9 2010
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Posts: 2,962
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I like it! :D It's nice that you two are doing a story together, but you might want to add a little more... flair? o3o Four chapters (Small, though) have p*censored*ed, and not much has happened. ^o^ That's just my two cents worth, though. Lol.
Actively inactive. Formerly lolalover6. |
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8:38pm Jan 9 2010
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Posts: 6,216
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Yea, lol. We do short chapters. xD Nothing to distinguish them apart, but meh. Inna had most of the plot in her head, so I was really just supposed to carry it along. Thanks for your input. c:
Wat.
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