For Lack of Something Better


Go to page: 1 Bookmark Thread
cattuccino

12:00am May 29 2009

Normal User


Posts: 10
spinning, twirling, acrobatic
and that's not how it goes
tripping, tilting, systematic
quick erratic shows

falling, failing, faintly flailing
a little high and lots of low
wishing, wanting, forever daunting
ready, here we go!

it's not right, something's amiss
seal it with a single kiss
of death, of life, of steel resolve
of wrongs forgotten, sins absolved
and still suspicion looms so near
is that a break in flow i hear?
the rhythm's off its steady beat
it's different from its last retreat
this construction is lost again
this rhyme seems an awful strain
this line's too short
and this one is far, far too extensive
and is this one needed?
is this tone a little pensive?
but pensive, poems are
they're thinking, thoughtful things
like shoes and ships and sealing wax
like cabbages and kings!
oh, i'm sure those lines are copy-righted
and i've no intention to offend
dear, departed lewis carroll
which from whom those lines were penned
and was that last line proper?
i'm sure that's not the case
chalk it up to poetic license
as they're rather fitting in their place
and i know that you are thinking
this poem's gone on rather long
and i'm sure that your observations
are far from being wrong
but, with which to end this ranting ramble,
i can't find a fitting line --
oh, wait i think i've got it.

yes, this one will do just fine!





for the world is hollow and I have touched the sky

Raru

4:51am May 29 2009 (last edited on 4:52am May 29 2009)

Normal User


Posts: 583

name's actually dodgson, carroll was his pen name ;o

i think i love you. Haven't been amazed by a poem so much since reading some stuff by this student in a book. Beautifully written, love the pace, the tone, argh everything really.

not much of a poet but i love the last line especially, made me smile. And i enjoyed the alice reference (maybe because i'm a fan). I feels light, relaxing and a poem that i can just sit back and enjoy without frowning at the flaws of humanity. Really.

again, i applaud you.





cattuccino

4:47pm May 29 2009

Normal User


Posts: 10

thanks so much. :]

yeah, i know carroll's name is dodgson (i'm a fan as well) but technically speaking, he wrote it as lewis carroll. I mean, there was a reason he created a new name for himself as a writer rather than a mathematician. Charles dodgson was a mathematician - lewis carroll was a writer. So, alice in wonderland is a book by lewis carroll, not charles dodgson.

anyways, glad to make you smile. It's something i like to do on occasion. :']






for the world is hollow and I have touched the sky

Raru

7:50pm May 29 2009

Normal User


Posts: 583

h'okay ma'am. I understand o3o

an i look forward to more of your writing. These forums tend to lack in nice works sometimes xd





Go to page: 1