Rescreatu - Virtual Pet Game

Freeing Time(My Story In Progress)


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FoxCrazy

9:03pm Aug 5 2009 (last edited on 5:22pm Dec 16 2009)

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Due to horrid procrastination, I am no longer going to showcase this here.



"You're off the edge of the map, mate. Here there be monsters."
 _Ranvier

9:27pm Aug 5 2009 (last edited on 9:28pm Aug 5 2009)

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It's a good start. I'm curious to know what happened to Space and what is going to happen to the main character. (I don't think you said his name. Unless it is Time.)

Something that bothers me a little, though, is how fast everything happened. It was almost like a blur, as it came so fast. Maybe elaborate parts a bit more? Describe what the cave is like, how the humans are dressed, what weapons they have, what Space looked like, maybe even what the humans were muttering to each other. Or if he could understand them. There's a lot of stuff that can be added, but don't worry, you get better at that as time goes on.

Overall, it has a good feel. Needs more detail and length, I think, but you can go pretty far with this. Dragon books have always been a thumbs up of mine, so you get many plus for that. xD




FoxCrazy

9:33pm Aug 5 2009 (last edited on 9:34pm Aug 5 2009)

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Yeah, it is Time, and thanks for the comment. I will be adding more soon (I will not let laziness keep me from typing it!!) so continue to check back, If you will. And I base many of my stories off dragons, as well as most of my drawings. I occasionally draw or write other things, but dragons rule supreme!

And I was thinking that abot length, too. I have the Prologue printed, and it is the cover to my binder. So whenever I reach writer's block, I read it. It does seem a bit short to me. But I have worked on this story for about a year, so I have progressed greatly.

As far as what happens to Time, that is what the whole story is about! I can't reveal it in the first part. ;3

Again, continue to check back! I will keep a link on the PFOR thread, so you can go there incase this gets left in the dust.



"You're off the edge of the map, mate. Here there be monsters."
mr wutz it to ya

6:39pm Aug 6 2009

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Wutz this?


MrsWutz
FoxCrazy

6:41pm Aug 6 2009

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Posts: 3,469
My story. I said it wasn't an ad.


"You're off the edge of the map, mate. Here there be monsters."
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