Hey, where’s Mother Zebez? Our parents said she would be here…
I don’t know, but I wish someone would really replace that flickering light. It’s kind of creepy.
Children. Prepare yourselves,
Omg what was that?
Prepare ourselves for what? What!?
For your DEMISE! *slaps the children in the face while wearing a hockey mask*
Omg we’re all going to die! Arggh! Help! Help! *cries*
*turns on the light and laughs* Ohoho, you children should have seen your faces! *takes off the mask* Now that we’ve had our fun, let’s hear a story.
Mother Zebez…*tears up* how could you do that to us?
Because scaring children is funny and easy. *sits down on the rocking chair slowly and fiddles with the dial on the old radio* Now listen up for something scarier then an old lady in a hockey mask. Something…of the thin variety.
Fog crawled up the second story window, the window to the room where I lay, snuggled safely in my bed, dreaming of lollipops, rainbows, and Antonio Banderas. Sleep was my only refuge these days. Over the past few months I gained a growing paranoia, as if someone were constantly watching me, but I attributed it to a childlike, overactive imagination and pinned it to the refrigerator of easy excuses, allowing me to quell my irrational fear and continue on with my life without change. At least, that’s what I tried to deceive myself and other people into thinking. In reality, I was always frightened, but that fear became stronger at night. I would beg for sleep so the night would p*censored* by faster and I wouldn’t be taunted by hallucinations, but instead be comforted by fantasy. But something pulled me out of my world tonight.
My eyes opened and I scanned the dark room as best I could. My heart rate had jumped considerably and I struggled to keep my breathing under control. I was sure I sensed something there. Paranoia wanted me to stay in my bed, but rationality forced me to get up and turn on the light and prove there was nothing to be afraid of. As I clicked on the light switch, relief filled my eyes, but not my heart. You see rationality lies in the brain, where senses create reality; but paranoia lies in the heart where instinct takes control when the brain cannot or will not. Rationality was what really kept you safe however, so I returned to my bed, and covered my head with the comforter.
Time p*censored*ed slowly as I lay awake, listening the occasional creak of the house and to the argument between my brain and my heart. My brain was shouting the loudest but my heart was gaining the edge. And then my heart won the debate when I felt something brush and tickle my feet.
I sat straight up in the bed and groped for my flashlight on the night stand. My hand bumped into the side of the desk hard but I found it. I clicked the light on and frantically waved the beam across the room. Light only captured glimpses of objects that couldn’t be distinguished until it caught the image of a face. A faceless face. It was him. Him, the tall man in a business suit with the slender arms and slender fingers, the latter of which were walking across my feet, as his thin figure loomed over me. My heart screamed no, and my brain screamed “Stop, that tickles!” which manifested itself into words. He stopped, raising his hands a few inches above my feet, and tilted his head. I tried staring back into what would have been his eyes when he stood straight up turned his whole body towards the door. I remained perfectly still hoping he would leave but then I heard what had caught his attention.
They were loud, thunking foots steps, and they were approaching my door. The slender one and I exchanged confused (or at least what I thought to be confusion, you can’t really read this guy) glances. The footsteps stopped and the door flew open, smashing against my wall. A silhouette framed itself in my doorway. My heart raced. What was this thing and why was it here at the same time as Him? I hugged my comforter and looked up at Him for answers but he didn’t look back at me. With a spring in his step he approached the figure as it stepped into the circle of my light to greet him. The figure had muscular build, and wore a suit as well. Except instead of me not being able to see this new figures face because he didn’t actually have one, I couldn’t see his face because his head was hidden under a giant, red pyramid helmet. Pyramid Head? When did he become a real thing? And when did he start wearing a business suit? I sat frozen in horror as the two exchanged hand (or I guess tentacles) shakes, unable to understand why these two men in business suits were in my room. Was there a meeting I didn’t know about? They both turned towards me as if they read my mind.
“Child,” I never was able to understand how He talked to me without a mouth. “You must do something for us.” These were not the kinds of people a person should do things for. Needless to say, I was a little worried what the task was. He continued on. “It’s simple,” he extended his arms out to make himself look bigger. “Tell us Child,” he demanded. “Who wears the better suit?” They chimed simultaneously. Both of them put their hands on there hips and leaned on one foot, as if they were trying to model for me. I sat there for a moment, carefully considering my options. They both looked and sounded so eager, as if they were sensitive towards her opinion and their own looks; but they were homicidal, torturous maniacs. It’s a good idea not to hurt the feelings of these kinds of people. Maybe I could appease both.
“I think you both look very nice in your suits.” I said in the most heartwarming voice I could muster in my sheer terror. They were unsatisfied.
“No Child,” Slender seemed to say. “You must choose.”
Great. What do I say to them? If I say Slender’s suit is better, Pyramid Head will rip all my skin off and throw it at the wall, but if I say Pyramid Head’s suit is superior, Slender will take out my organs and rearrange them. Either way I would loose my organs, and I had grown really fond of them over the years. I had to think fast.
“Look guys,” I tried remaining calm. “I know someone who knows a lot about fashion and I think he would be able to give you guys better input.” Slendy and Pyramid Head just stood there listening. It was unnerving how unresponsive they were but I continued. “If I could just get to a phone…” I knew I couldn’t use the phone to escape because they would kill me if I tried anything and I think they knew it too.
“I have one,” Pyramid Head pulled out a black camera flip phone, from which a tiny, pink pyramid charm dangled. I reached for the phone and he placed it in my hand with the strength it would take to flay me. I flipped the phone open and dialed the number. Little xylophone tones filled the still room with each press of the buttons. The phone rang a few times, and I looked up into Slendy and Pyramid Heads’ faces. “Come on…pick up…” I thought as my leg anxiously twitched.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Mr. Gunn?”
“Yes, that’s me.”
“Oh hey, my name is Zebez.” God, answering phones at my office job really drained the life out of my conversations.
“Hello Zebez.
“How are you, Tim…do you mind if I call you Tim?”
“No not at all.”
“Great. Well, I know we don’t know each other very well but I was wondering if you could give me some advice. You know your way around a suit, yes?”
“Certainly, what do you need to know?”
“Well, I have these two…friends here and they want to know which of their suits is better.” Slendy and Pyramid Head sat down on either side of me with their hands folded in their laps, watching me talk. “And you know how friends are. You can’t give them good opinions because you always think they’re great. So I was wondering if you could help me.”
“Oh, of course I’ll help you. Send a picture to me right now.”
“Ok, just one second…” I put my hand over the microphone and turned to Slendy. “Slendy, could you stand over against that wall?” He obeyed and I then turned to Pyramid Head. “And can you go turn on the light and then go stand by Slendy so I can take a picture of you both?” He lumbered over to the light switch, turned on the light, and stood next to his “buddy”. I raised the camera phone. “Smile…er on second thought, just stand there and look pretty.” The phone made a little click as it captured the image. “Ok, that’s good.” I fiddled with the text messaging and sent Tim the picture. We all waited anxiously for a reply.
The phone dinged two minutes later and I opened the message. Pyramid Head and Slendy leaned in, as if they could read. I just stared at the message, horrified.
“Hmm, they both need to make it work.”
This was it. These were the words that sealed my fate. I didn’t have the heart to tell them because I didn’t want my heart ripped out. I looked up at the pair, and they tilted their heads. I looked at the window that Slendy had opened to get into my room. I took a deep breath and shot the deadly duo a sideways glance.
I leaped from my bed. Slendy and Pyramid head reacted quickly but not quickly enough. By the time they landed face down on the bed, I was already flying out my second story window. I was going to be the master of my own life. They peered out the window just in time to see my heart stop as I kissed the concrete patio of my house choosing death over fashion critique.
Wait, how are you alive if the jump from the window killed you?
Resurrection children, we have the technology.
Wha-
*radio makes a screeching noise and a dragging can be heard from outside the door. It seems to be coming closer.*
What was that?!
Oh looks like we have visitors, Children.
Who Grandma Zebez? Who? Please tell us, we’re scared.
*thunks are heard on the door and the screeching becomes more intense.*
And it sounds like they want a second opinion.
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