I really want some constructive criticism for my writing. I'll just post whatever I've recently written and hope for feedback. Feel free to read, criticize or just post comments about it.

Thanks :)

Um... This one has a really sad ending so if you don't like sad stories then I advise you not to read this one:

Foreword/Blurb

Chapter One ~ Alison Jane Fox

ript MT'; color: windowtext; font-size: 22pt">Everyone is different, but some cases are extreme…

 I woke up in my normal room, on my normal bed, in my normal pajamas, awaiting yet another normal day at school. The thing is, I myself am not at all normal. I am Alison Jane Fox of fourteen and a half years old and I have a secret – A huge secret. My secret is one that is not at all hard to keep, because if I told anyone, they wouldn’t believe me. I am a kanaiicho, a dog-person, a half-fox, or in other words; a freak. No one knew my secret except mum, because she made the mistake of marrying my dad who is, of course, a kanaiicho. My dad didn’t exactly tell her what he was, but it kind of let slip when I was born with furry ears and a tail. Mum was human, so it was a bit of a shock, and, of course, she didn’t take it lightly and they split up. I used to visit my dad every weekend and we’d do father-daughter dog stuff together. But then he vanished. No one knows what happened to him or where he disappeared to and for all we know, he could be Osama’s best friend, hiding out in a rocky cave somewhere. But, as you do, we as.sumed he was dead and we made a memorial stone down the road. Well, back to life as it was. “Alice get dressed, you’re going to be late for school again!” Mum called from the bottom of the stairs. Why does it matter? I’m already a social outcast and probably not ever going to be a success. But, I suppose I couldn’t argue, this is my mum we’re talking about. “”Kay!” I shouted back as I raised my tired self out of bed. My long, red hair flicked my face as I shook it away and it whipped my liquid green eyes. Ouch. 

* 

Getting to school was a huge rush, for my mum anyway. She had to get to work by nine and was usually late. Her boss said that if she didn’t sort it out, she’d have to start looking for a new job. Meanwhile, I just stared out the window of the car and shut off my brain. I came back to my senses as I heard the familiar sound of my mum’s car pulling up at the school gates. I got out of the car with my bag and murmured a ‘see you later’. I watched as mum sped out of sight in her shabby, old Toyota. I stayed where I was; my mind was blank. The cool, morning breeze played at my face, the slow, Monday-morning grogginess crept into my brain. The bell rang and I rushed to clas.s. How long had I been standing there?  I awkwardly shuffled through the door. Damnit, a new teacher. “You’re late.” He said dryly. “Um, sorry. I lost track of time.” I mumbled in reply.“That’s no excuse, go sit down. Oh- and no hats on in clas.s" he added. Uh-oh, my secret would’ve been revealed then and there if I took it off. People would stare at my furry, ginger ears. “I can’t,” I stammered “I, err, have… a condition.” Smooth… yeah right. What was I thinking?!

“Very well,” said the new teacher, Mr. Righland it said on the whiteboard “What condition do you have that makes you unable to take you cap off inside?” Oh darn…

“Um… severe burning…?” I lied through my teeth. The rest of the clas.s giggled. Did they want me to get busted? Wait- They actually probably did. Mr. Righland frowned and gestured to a seat at the back of the room. “Take a seat,” he ordered, his withered grey eyes bore into mine. I gulped. “You’ve got a detention at the end of clas.s, I hope you’re happy.”

 *

After I was made to write ‘I will not wear a hideous hat in clas.s and lie about serious conditions’ at least fifty times, I was let out. 

Chapter Two ~ Jennifer Tayle

ript MT'; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 22pt">No friend is perfect, but is that the honest truth? 

It was about two seconds after I had left detention that I noticed a new kid approaching me, she looked about fifteen. How come she got to wear a hat? “Um, hi,” she said “I’m Jennifer Tayle, I’m kind of new here. Mr. Righland was pretty hard on you back in clas.s. He let me off pretty easily when I came in. Did you make a bad impression on him at the start of the year or something?”

“No,” I replied “I’ve never met him before; he’s new I think.”

“Maybe it’s because you were late,” she said “Hey, what’s your name? You never said.”

“Alice.” I replied too quickly.  Was she being nice? To me??? Well, she seems pretty sincere… But you can never be sure, she  might be in with the cool group, trying to get a few laughs out of me thinking I might have actually made a friend. “Um, hello?” I heard her say “Alice, are you okay?”

“Huh?” I stammered “Oh- Um, yeah, I’m fine.”

“You didn’t look like it,” she said worriedly “You looked like you were in another dimension.”

“I did?” I mumbled. Why must I make such a fool of myself?!

“Um, yeah, you did,” she said “Well, I gotta go now, I’ll see you later.” It was at that moment that her hat slipped, revealing a white tipped, brown fluffy ear. She quickly pulled her hat back on and hurried away. That was when I realized; she was a kanaiicho. My heart overflowed with joy as I realised my life was no longer a living hell. 

*

Could it be? Could she really be a kanaiicho too? I looked up at the clock. Jeez, it was past two in the morning. I suddenly realised how tired I was and my eyelids heavily fell closed as I floated into the clutches of sleep. I was in a strange, white room. There were no doors or windows, just whiteness. Strangely, Jennifer knelt over me and reached out for my hand. I went to take it and she lifted me up off the cool, cloudlike floor. I floated in what seemed like thin air, the room felt like an eerie nothingness. “Hey Alice,” she asked “Am I your best friend?”… 

“Alice! Wake up and come get yourself some breakfast!” I awoke at my mum’s words.

“Coming!” I mumbled as I lugged myself out of bed. As soon as I shook off my drowsiness I began anticipating the day ahead of me with excitement. Would I get to see Jennifer again? I rushed through breakfast and got dressed in record time. Gosh, am I really that much of a loner?  

* 

“Hey.” I said when I managed to find her at first break.

“Hi Alice,” she greeted me “Listen, about yesterday. I didn’t mean to run off like that, it’s just-”

“That you’re a kanaiicho?” I interrupted.

“Err, yeah,” she said quietly “Please don’t tell anyone! I know you probably don’t understand because you’re human but I have to keep it a secret if I want to live a good life. If anyone knew they’d laugh and make my life a total misery. Oh, please promise me you won’t te-”

“Jen,” I laughed “I’m a kanaiicho too, how else would I have guessed that quickly?”

“Oh… yeah, I suppose you’re right,” she agreed as she saw the funny side of her rambling “Hey, do you want to come to my house on Saturday? We can probably go up to the beach as well if you want to.”  I couldn’t believe my ears. She was my friend, my best friend. Even though I’d only met her yesterday. Was it even possible for me to have a friend? Apparently yes. “Yeah, sure.” I tried to sound cool… and failed. Jennifer laughed as she saw my coolness attempt. I tried hard to hide my embarras.sment. “So, is two o’clock fine with you?” I asked.“Sounds good.” she said. 

Chapter Three ~ Clueless Parents

ript MT'; font-size: 22pt">Ever feel like your parents are on a totally different planet? 

Saturday came and it was almost two in the afternoon. I absolutely couldn’t wait to go to Jennifer’s house! “Alice, come and get in the car! Do you want to get to your friends place on time or not?” mum called from outside. I bounced to the old Toyota and excitedly got in the pas.senger seat. “Why are you so happy?” Mum asked “You’ve got tons of friends at school, what makes Jennifer so special?” Me? Tons of friends??? Honestly, the cluelessness of some parents. 

* 

Jen and I went up to her room while our mums' boringly chit-chatted on the front porch. Jennifer’s house was beautiful. From the white, detailed balcony and the red brick path leading into the garden to the art-deco style rooms, it was stunning. Jennifer was really nice; she made us both friendship bracelets out of string and little trinkets. We walked down the beach at about four o’clock and squelched the hot sand between our toes. I ended up covered in wet sand; Jennifer was a pro sand-kicker. There were countless giggle-fits on the way back and at her house; it was just so much fun! 

* 

The next day, Jennifer and I had a great time chatting in the park over ham and cheese toasties. They were fantastic, the way the flavour of cheese melted into the ham and the bread crumbled in your mouth. My life was perfect! I told myself. Jen and I were going to the public pools the next day, I absolutely couldn’t wait! 

Chapter Four ~ Watery Graves

ript MT'; font-size: 22pt">Honesty is always the best policy, especially in life and death situations... 

Mum drove me to the pools at ten in the morning to meet Jennifer and go swimming. Hmm… I probably should’ve told her… I couldn’t swim!!! I reluctantly got into the water with Jen at my side. Was water usually this cold? I shivered and went under. “Hey Alice, do you want to go to the diving pool?” Jennifer asked me as I raised my dripping head out of the water.

“Sure, okay.” I replied. Oh god…  We made our way out of the water and over to the other end of the pool. Jennifer jumped in and emerged out of the surface, water dripping off the thick brown hair that poked out the sides of her swim cap. “You coming in?” she asked.

“Err, yeah.” I replied. Okay, here we go… One… Two… Three! I jumped off the edge and splashed into the water. Jennifer had somehow come up from under the water, but I wasn’t.  I panicked, my arms flailing around in the murderous liquid but my limbs soon tired and I gave in to the demon, sucking me in. Now that I realised it, the water was actually cool and refreshing. I closed my eyes and let all the air be pushed out of my lungs. I felt the soft tingling of the rippling water, and the loud thumping of my head that was telling me I needed oxygen. My relaxation left me suddenly as I saw Jennifer’s panicked face drawing nearer to me. I was furious and frightened that this cruel but inviting thing was going to take me away from my first and only friend. Anger clouded my thoughts and the last thing I saw was Jen swimming towards me, her face drenched with anguish. 

* 

What was going on? My brain unclouded and my eyes fluttered open. Was I dead? Was this heaven? Jennifer leaned over me, her face was flushed with relief. I felt the cold starchiness of hospital sheets. I heard the faint beeping of a heart monitor beside me. Happiness flooded my senses as I realised I wasn’t dead. I was in hospital, yes, but I was alive.   “Jen?” I croaked.

“I’m right here Alice,” she said “I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have made you go in the deep pool. I didn’t know you couldn’t swim. Oh, Alice, I’m so sorry!”

“It’s fine, Jen,” I said “I should’ve told you.” She smiled a warm smile and sat down next to my bed. 

* 

The next day I was allowed to leave the hospital. I slowly pulled myself into mum’s car and clicked my seatbelt into place. It was about an hour to get to our house from the hospital so I ended up falling asleep on the way. 

Chapter Five ~ Mt. Riverway

ript MT'; font-size: 22pt">Graveyards can come in all shapes and sizes…Jennifer and I had been best friends for a while now. We went ice-skating, to the zoo and countless other places. Jen had gone away for a week or two to see her grandmother. Only a day before, I had found a note in my desk at school:ript MT'; font-size: 22pt"> 

Well, I suppose I could build a bridge, get over it and wait for her to get back. 

* 

It was the third day since Jen left and her mother said that I could wait for her at their house. She would be back at about five. I stood by her front door, eagerly awaiting her arrival. The clock struck five. I was practically shaking with anticipation; she could arrive home at any moment. The clock struck six. So what if she was a little late? They probably just got stuck in traffic.  In the back of my mind I heard the phone ring and Jennifer’s mum rush to answer it.

“Hello?” I heard her say “Oh, hi there mum! Are you stuck in traffic?” and then “Oh my god. Is she okay?” That was when I heard Mrs. Tayle muffle a sob and hang up the phone.  Why was she upset? Was Jen okay? All these terrible thoughts whizzed through my head as she walked slowly up to me and rested a hand on my shoulder. As I looked behind me I saw that her eyes glistened with tears. She turned to me.

“Alice, I’m so sorry.” What was she trying to tell me? Well, whatever it was, it couldn’t be good if it was making her eyes look like a malfunctioning water-feature. “I’m so sorry, Alice,” she repeated “Jennifer is… gone,”  I couldn’t breathe, I just stood there motionless, my mind running through all the ways that that couldn’t be possible. “She got hit by a bus on the way back from hiking on Mt. Riverway. Here grandma got a call from the ranger there.”

My heart sank in grief as she put her arms around me. Tears rolled from my eyes as I realised that this was real. Jen was dead. She wasn’t coming back. I sniffed back a sob but it managed to get out anyway. 

Chapter Six ~ Death’s Open Arms

ript MT'; font-size: 22pt">Who wouldn’t give up their mortal life for the ones they truly love? 

It was then that I ran. I sprinted across the street and into the trees I didn’t stop running for at least two or three hours. It was when I came across a jagged cliff that I realised that I could not run nor hide from reality. 

I gulped as I slowly walked to the edge of the cliff. This was it, I told myself. I raised one leg off the ground and simply walked into death’s open arms. The pain faded after a while and I looked up. There was Jennifer standing over me, my father crouched down next to me. I was joining them and leaving my mortal life. I am Alice, and that was my story.

I'm thinking of calling it Tails- any comments there?

Criticism is welcome, infact it is greatly appreciated :)

It's good but this part I think you missed a word :

Jen and I went up to her room while our mum’s boringly chit-chatted on the front porch. Jennifer’s house was beautiful. From the white, detailed balcony and the red brick path leading into the garden to the art-deco style rooms, it was stunning. Jennifer was really nice; she made us both friendship bracelets out of string and little trinkets. We walked down the beach at about four o’clock and squelched the hot sand between out toes. I ended up covered in wet sand; Jennifer was a pro sand-kicker. There were countless giggle-fits on the way back and at her house; it was just so much fun!

Sorry, little spelling mistake xD

Changed to our toes

Thanks so much! :)