But your not here.
That your is supposed to be a you're* c:
The rhyming scheme seems a little off in the first one. It's pretty good with the first few lines, though it seems with the fifth and seventh lines, with the way you repeat "I died for you," it makes it seem like you just ran out of something to say. I died for you is a pretty powerful thing to say, and you sort of draw away from that power when you repeat it like that.
As for the second one, all the talk about sounds that you hear is really good. It draws away from the poem when you simply state in the last line: "I like sounds." It's a very primal way of wording things and you may be better off saying something along the lines of: "Music to my ears," or "a cacophony of beautiful noise." Say something that makes the reader know that you like the sounds without directly saying it.
Hope the critique helped! :3
Normal User
Normal User