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5:54pm Jan 2 2010 (last edited on 6:14pm Feb 22 2010)
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See Through the Smile
�
�Chapter One
�
"A best friend can see you with a smile brighter than the sun and still know that something's bothering you."
�
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�
�Why?� Her head landed on the pillows stewn upon the blanket that layered her bed with a dull thump, quickly followed by the rest of her body as she fell.� Two years.� Two devil-cursed, horrible years of her life...� Breathing in the air freshener of vanilla lilac that floated freely in her room, the young girl closed her eyes, dark eyelashes fluttering ever so quietly.� The current situation held a sense of irony, in a way.� In the past, all she had every demanded was things be done quickly and instantly- a great change in a little amount of time.� Of course, people told her a gradual change would be much better, less stressful...� Year one was sort of like that, a bit slower and full of even more hurt than year two...or maybe not.� The ability to make up her mind had fleed, along with a lot of other things she had.� Like her sanity.
�
Am I losing my sanity?� Those words resounded in her mind frequently, and she wondered- was it all my fault?� All and all, she had blamed the other individuals that had made her two years in middle school miserable.� She tried with her might to be the same, to be happy, and to cheer others up as she always had when she still experienced the joys of being a child.� They changed too...everyone did, but not everyone changed for the better. � Looking through her own eyes, she noticed the negativty they gained, the positiveness they originally had lost, and how everyone she previously called her best friends fade away to a lower status no longer close to her.
�
Did she change, though?� Eyes still closed, the girl tried to remember who she was before stepping foot into a new school, surrounded by new people, exposed to new experiences.� Who was she originally?� Everything swam before her head, and the girl struggled to put things together.� She was...just a girl who settled into her old habbits and ventured out with everyone else as they were shoved into a higher school- middle school.� Opening her deep, forest-green eyes, she dragged a hand across her forehead, wiping away imaginary sweatdrops. �
�
Her name?� Jillian.� Her best friends?� Kathleen and Anna.� There were other friends too, but she wouldn't specify.� Of course, that wasn't the same now.� Kathleen...her breath hitched in her throat, and the face of her once deemed as unrelated sister drifted into her head, colliding with other thoughts.� Her name seemed to be, literally, one of the only things that were still the same to her through the period of two years.� Along with everyone else, she took a little more notice to what she wore.� With some sense of pride, definitely not as much as others had, such as Kathleen and Anna- well, in her opinion.
�
True, jeans were seem upon her legs much more than the past, but her every day T-shirts and short sleeved tops in 20 degrees were still normal. � While her hair still remained slightly messy, dark brown hair wrangling together in unseen knots, she began to take the time out of her day to comb it during special events that she began to attend such as Bar/Bat Mitzvahs and concerts she was forced to be in, thanks to her choral music teacher.� No matter what changes she fell under, watching those who previously stood by her drift away with gleaming looks was a strike to the heart.
�
"We'll be best friends- we're sisters that aren't related.� We were born to be friends, and I know we'll be with each other when the other one gets married to someone.� If anyone ever hurts you or breaks up with you, just ask me to beat him up," At that time, Kathleen's smile seemed to real and true, expressing true joy and hope that was supposed to stay with her for the rest of her youth.
�
It was a much better alternative to the nasty sneer plastered upon her features nowadays, hiding a scheming plan waiting to be unleashed upon whoever she felt like it.� Anna, luckily, didn't escalate to as high of a level of evils as Kathleen had, preferring to stand by the center, close to the spotlight but still having room to shove the blame onto anyone just in time.� Her tactics of lying and destroying others' self esteem were minor compared to Kathleen's methods of getting what she wanted.� Anna could try to manipulate, but she never could be as controlling as Kathleen.
�
There were the people that slid into their spots...they were wonderful.� Yes- they were the ones that understood for the most part and made her laugh when all they did was say "Wut?" with a blank expression.� Christopher, Bryan, Gina, Eric, Robert and others were the ones that made up her circle of friends.� However, no matter how hard she yearned for it to go away, each one of them had some connection to her past friends.� Christopher- Kathleen had misread his name on his binder and ran around calling him 'Smithstopher', denying that his name was truly Christopher.� Bryan- friend of Kathleen, and one who rarely saw the bad in people; thus his tolerance.� Gina...one who she would've claimed to be her best friend had Kathleen not reared her ugly head back into her life and tried to clutch the girl in her slimy hands.� There truly was no end.� Eric was crazy, running around screaming and jumping in her face.� Despite how insane he acted, she knew it was just his way of greeting a close friend.� Robert was one of her few remaining childhood friends, now one of her closest.� The funny thing was, he was one of the people she expected time would've worn away from her.� Her expectations proved wrong, and he still ran around hollering funny things and giving her a shoulder to cry on even when there wasn't a reason to cry.
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"Are you all right, Jill?"�
�
The concerned voice of her father echoed her own thoughts- was she really all right?� Even she herself wondered that...was that something to be worried about?� Worrying and wondering if you're okay yourself?� As air entered her lungs while she inhaled, her chest rose slightly, quickly falling back down again as she exhaled swiftly.� Heaving her shoulders forward, she sat upright (which required more effort than it should have...) and glanced nervously towards the door.� What was she supposed to say?� Yes, she was fine and dandy with the weight of the world lifted off her shoulders and thrown to a pit where it would never be seen again? �
�
"Yeah, I'm fine." The words didn't sound as confident as strong as she preferred them to be.
�
Her father didn't respond immediately.� After a few seconds, he said, "Oh, okay.� Are you sure?"
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"Yeah."
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"Well...okay, if you need anything, tell me," Without a doubt, his voice told her he would always listen to her words.
�
"Sure."
�
�
All right, the girl thought once the sound of her father walking away reached her ears, I should really get myself moving and stop moping over every little thing that's been coming my way.� It's not healthy. � There really was no reason to sit around and wonder about things- things would happen, and there would be no stopping it.� Fate was like that.� It toyed with you and liked to give you false hope, or even false...how to describe it?� A false feeling of insecurity.� Yeah.�
�
She flopped over onto her stomach, the floor coming into view to her right.� What was there to do now?� Study?� A chill pas-sed through her body when she remembered one of the last things Kathleen had told her...well, it was through email, but nonetheless, the meaning got to her all the same. �
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"All you do is study in the mornings for tests and quizes, and after school, all you do is go to your programs!� Then, when you are free after and before school, you just talk to stupid, one-faced, Eric.� You rarely read your email anymore, and we don't talk a lot.� I HATE THAT."
�
Obviously Kathleen starved for attention.� She demanded it be fed to her with a silver spoon laced with gold ribbon and smothered in riches.� Absolutely annoyed and ready to explode from everything she had demanded, Jill had finally burst.� In one swift moment, she typed the message she truly felt and hit send.� Oddly, there was no sense of regret when the email returned, smacking her in the face with her own message and the replied one.
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Jillian12>> Well, I guess we're not friends anymore if you can't understand that.
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Kathierocks9>> I don't understand.
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Perhaps she should have quickly replied she was sorry.� Did a possibility exist that she could've saved their friendship?� Of course.� After all, while Kathleen did clamber around sobbing hysterically and knocking down most that held out their hands to her, she showed her appreciation that Jill had been there for her. � The girl found her eyes traveling across the floor, up the chair in front of her desk, and locking on a peculiar box.� It was cylinder-shaped, with engravings and colors resembling a merry go round.� Horses garnished in beautiful wreathes and glossy ribbons pranced around it, heads held high and mouths opened in silent cries.� The top of the container was bras-s colored, and a small key waiting to be turned stuck out from the top.� Though the odd thing didn't look like a music box, it was.� Originally it had held numerous butter cookies, but now it was devoid of any contents other than a lone quarter and a dollar. Unless she threw it out, the memory of the friendship she shared with Kathleen would haunt her in her own room forever.� Anna wasn't that generous even when they were friends, so there was little to miss about her.� At least she wouldn't haunt her memory- Kathleen would.
�
�By now, she shouldn't have been moping around, pondering the past.� A girl of thirteen years wasn't supposed to worry- like most, she was supposed to flip her hair back, smirk, and reply that she didn't care what people thought.� However, she was sensitive.� Even the little things her friends said that meant absolutely nothing cracked her heart.� Had she always been that sensitive and vulnerable to words?� Her eyes slipped towards the clock, realizing she'd been lying on her bed for quite a while.� Time surely flew by when one was having fun, but in certain conditions, while you were submerged in depression as well.� Her body protested, not wanting to move, but she resisted, sitting upright and immediately reaching for her messenger bag. �
�
The sudden weight caused her arm to drop, and she quickly brought her other one to support it.� With a grunt, she heaved the gigantic thing onto her bed, feeling it lean slightly from the weight.� Backpacks were always so heavy, weren't they?� Teachers insisted they always carry around a certain binder, and sometimes, even textbooks.� We're all going to have our backs bent at 20 degree angles within a year, she thought bitterly, flinging the flap open and withdrawing a teal binder, slightly torn papers peeking out of it. �
�
To be honest, after her homework notebook had combusted (a result of falling dropping the book filled with stray papers), she didn't bother to claim a new one, preferring to (try) to jot down everything that was to be done in her mental notepad.� It wasn't always succesful, but she had Robert's number- however, that would be using him, so she worked her memory to its fullest.� As she flipped it open, a few more papers, torn out of the binder's chrome rings, fluttered to the floor in a mess of stuff.� Glancing at it lazily, she breathed out and grasped them, swiftly shoving it into her folder which she had come to name as the-folder-in-which-I-shove-all-papers-I'm-too-lazy-to-put-in-their-place.� Perhaps she was too lazy to even think of a proper name like Robert- he took the time to name his homework notebook Bob.
�
"I really need to clean this," she mused to herself, noting how messy the binder was.
�
Being too lazy to actually PUT the hole-punched papers in the rings, she merely plucked out the loose ones, glancing at the dates and determining whether they were still worth keeping or not.� Among the messily written math notes and doodled-on study guides, she eyed a neatly folded square of paper- notebook paper.� Unlike everything else that had a doodle or random scribble, it appeared completely clean- at least, that side of it was.� Curiosity overwhelming her, she placed the binder down and cautiously picked it up, as if it had a disease that she wasn't too sure about.� Flipping it over, the familiar, bubbly handwriting met her eyes.� It was carefree, and a smiley face along with a number of hearts encircled the large words on the side- I <3 HIM AND U BT IN DIFF WAYS.� Smiling a little at the abbreviations and slight chatspeak, she began to open it but froze.
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Dang, she thought scornfully, immediately recognizing what the note was.� It had been one of many written during lessons too boring to pay attention to, slipped cautiously into her locker in between clas-ses in hopes that she would read it and be able to respond to whatever it was Kathleen felt like saying or whining.� The feeling came again- that heavy, cloud of melancholy and depression that came with losing what you believed was yours forever.� As a kid, your only problems are friend relationships and schoolwork.� As an adult, it's all jobs, money, and spouse connections, her mother had explained to her one day when Jillian first told of how she noticed Kathleen changing.� Perhaps it was true, and maybe having to deal with the stress of working was better, as at least you had more knowledge of the world that as a teenager.
�
Despite the heavy feeling in her chest, she opened the letter, hearing it crinkle in between her hands as she unfolded it.� The handwriting was still neat, just slightly less bubbly due to the lack of space in between the lines, and even from a glance, it was easy to tell it was one of those times where she believed everything was wonderful.� Everything she had said in the note was the result of her feeding off false hope- false hope given to her by a boy who never wanted her in the first place- never even bothered with her.� All of her thoughts were fantasies, and she allowed them to delude her to the point of it was what she thrived on.
�
She lied to herself, and all her lies were her drugs.� Feeling that her senses were a tad dull, Jillian crossed her legs and leaned back against the plush, cushiony pillows that banked her bed.� Above her head, the ceiling light casted a bright glow almost directly on her, ensuring she had a good light source to read from.� The mere note would bring back more memories of false promises, but wasn't that the life of a teenager?� To feel pain, cause pain, be pain.� Heck, she could almost guess what Kathleen was doing.� Even from a distance, one could tell the way she glanced longingly at him and tried to shrug her shirt around herself in a way that she claimed made herself appear more attractive.� Bah- looks were everything, which was mainly why she likely always said 'You're beautiful,' before ever saying 'You're nice.' �
�
To J,
�
I can't believe it.� I think he likes me back too, though I could be wrong but I don't think I am. :) Ms. C placed us next to each other for the third quarter seating, and maybe I'll get to talk to him more often then he'll ask me out!� Sometimes he stares at me and I wonder if it's in hatred, as sometimes he makes these rude comments, but he's so cool and such I don't really think he hates me.� Anyways, Muffin Man (I still don't know his name, which really fails as he's been in my clas-s for a large portion of the year) has also been caught staring at me.�� Once again, stupid Alexa had to go and try to crush my dreams or whatever.�� Everything will be all right as long as I have HIM though, and I know we'll be married and such which may seem like a long way off but still. <33� I'm going to be so happy when I become his Mrs. :))� Mr. W is getting suspicious and wondering what I'm writing other than the stupid project about being positive, so I think I'll stop writing and drop this in your locker.
�
If you're not J and you're somehow reading this...you must be a thief.� I'm not going to sugarcoat my words, so let me say this once.� It takes a thief to know a thief and a stupid thief at that- NOW PUT THIS FREAKING LETTER BACK THIEF.
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Hope to talk to you soon, J. :))) Luv ya,
K � � Yes- it was most definitely false hope. Every glance in her direction- whether it was aimed at her or not- tricked her into thinking she was adored. Jillian gripped the paper tightly, mentally scolding Kathleen (though it wouldn't be surprising if her ways were still the same) and herself for clinging onto a person such as that for so long. It hurt, obviously, but she still, after all this time, fiercely battled herself inside about her actions and if what she did was wrong or right. Maybe for her, it was better- no more of a negative impact rubbing up in her face, no more depressing emails on how she hadn't been asked out yet, and no more constant replies about the love test results she had just pulled up about her and her enemy. It's not like she could change anything now- her parents surely wouldn't allow her anyways, them hearing all she had told them about how Kathleen had been transformed into an entirely different person. Folding the note back up, her eyes wandered around the room again, searching for a familiar green folder without a name. It couldn't be far- though her room was messy, her recent place for throwing things was the spot near the doorway (wasn't the best placement, seeing as everyone literally tripped whenever they stepped in...). Putting the note down, she flopped down from her bed and crawled over to the pile of messy papers, wondering what else she'd find in there. Old tests from last month, stray post-it notes with previous homework, unneeded copies of clas-swork, and everything but the kitchen sink lay in front of her in a, well, straight out mess.
(Chapter in progress ;D)
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Wat.
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5:16pm Jan 3 2010 (last edited on 5:17pm Jan 3 2010)
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Normal User
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WOW! You are really talented!!! I really like how you have the girl asking herself questions, it shows her personality extremely well! Post again soon. Comment on my story and I'll comment on yours :) |
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5:35pm Jan 3 2010
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Posts: 6,216
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Thank you. :] I know I have to work on certain things, but hopefully I'll be able to continue. I'm trying to portray her as a person whose gone through so much through the past years that she's unsure of who and where she exactly is. I'll comment. ^_^
Wat.
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7:34am Jan 8 2010
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I'm excited for more :D
 Call me Cheezy and only Cheezy, I don't go by Ninja. Buddies, call me whatever your name for me is. Amazing banner by Reeses! |
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5:14pm Jan 8 2010
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Sorry I couldn't update it. Now that the weekend's here, I should be able to get it moving a bit.
Wat.
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11:32pm Jan 9 2010
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hey,dood,this is actually pretty neat. N I rarely read long stuff or stuff at all |D /fail Ive always had respect for Non-fiction writers.Fiction is much easier,since mostly,theres action that keeps it all together,rather than the every-day feelings and a portrayal of them,which is much harder than writing about two elven dudes swinging swords at each other xD; Keep it up,hon ;o |
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8:39am Jan 10 2010
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Posts: 6,216
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Thank you Flash. :D I write fiction too sometimes, but it's mostly mermaids bashing each other with shells than elven guys. Seashells are deadly, nobody knows they're poisonous! D:< XD Thanks again.
Wat.
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8:50pm Jan 10 2010
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Added a little more. I'll post chapters once I finish them instead of adding onto a single chapter over and over again. @_@ Don't want to make short chapters anymore.
Wat.
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9:10am Jan 11 2010
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ROFL.That made me remember this Johnny Bravo episode,where pigs came out of sea-shells. omg,look!its pigachuu :o oh,childhood memories~ |
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6:15pm Jan 12 2010
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I remember that show. XD The one I most remember where the one where he had to find a girl he liked him. After failing, he finally found her- his mother. 8D
Wat.
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7:49pm Jan 12 2010
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xD Johnny Bravo was always so funny.. I 'member the special where he and the Scooby gang met in some random hotel. Narrh. Where did you go, awesome cartoons? D8 Right. Story. x3 This is quite good - as always, your emotions and imagery are top-notch. I find myself relating too, since I'd gotten into a similar situation around middle school. It was probably more my fault than others' though. |
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9:03pm Jan 12 2010
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I wrote a paragraph! 8D -procrastinates- The awesome cartoons all died. I always loved it when cartoons visited each other. At one point, I believe, Scooby Doo met Hercules or perhaps it was that Cyberchase show on PBS. Anyways, Hercules was all "lolwut o_o". Thank you. Middle school's annoying like that- I suppose everyone has drama in some way there. Earlier my friend and I started arguing all because I said "I think I drew the circle too big." o_o;; So...I guess middle school makes everyone overreact, in a way. I appreciate your feedback.
Wat.
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4:17pm Feb 21 2010
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._____. I let this die. Shame on me. *revives* Anywho, I'm going to try to be more dedicated to my work, lol. Sorry for turning this into an epic fail. I added some more to it.
Wat.
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5:09pm Feb 22 2010 (last edited on 6:14pm Feb 22 2010)
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I tried to edit it and it messed the whole thing up. T_T Darn itttttt.� I'll just post continuations here then, despite the first chapter not being finished and whatnot. :B EDIT: Heck with this. D:< -adds to first post- lol.
Wat.
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9:27pm Feb 26 2010
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Wat.
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