Professor Elm: I will first tell you importa—hey! What’re you doing?!

Me: I’m mashing my B button, I don’t give a damn about this crap.

Elm: *grumble*…Hmmm…interest—

Meanwhile, I’m still mashing my B button, still not giving a damn.

Elm: fdjfhsdkgsdhgsdgjs9wordwordsblahasd;fgb

Me: Oh, hey, I lied. You’re Professor Oak. Gimme Pokemon.

Elm  Oak: Excuse me?

Me: Now.

Oak: Shut the hell up and listen.

Me: *glower*

Oak: This world is widely inhabited by creatures known as Pokemon.
*poof*
I’M A MARILL SO DEAL WIF IT YO!

MARILLMARILLMARILLMARILLMAR—

Me: SHUT THIS THING UP!

Oak: trololol. We humans live alongside Pokemon as friends. At times we—

MARILLMARILLMARILLMARILL!

Me: ASDFGHJKL; GOWAI GOWAI KILL IT WITH FIRE

Oak: Actually, Marill’s a Water-type so fire isn’t very effective.

Me:…I hate you.

Oak: ^o^ Anyways. Some people use their Marill Pokemon to battle and develop closer bonds with them.

Me: Why would anyone want to make friends with a—

MARILLMARILLMARILLIMMAMARILLLOLOLMARILL!

 Me: AAAAAAAAAGHHHH.

*Marill disappears*

Oak: Now, why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself?

Me: Creeper.

Oak: Are you a boy? Or are you a girl? Won’t you please tell me?

Me:…I’m insulted. I’m a boy.

Oak: So you’re a boy then?

Me: I just said, git…

Oak: Please tell me your name.”

Me: I’m Leo.

Oak: Your name is Leo?

Me:….*Sigh*…

Oak: LEO! Are you ready? Your very own tale of grand adventure is about to unfold. Fun experiences, difficult experiences, there’s so much waiting for you!

Dreams! Adventure! Girly-haired rivals—

Me: What?

Oak:…*cough* Let’s go to the world of Pokemon! But…first…

Me: Yeah?

Oak: Have you ever heard of the Nuzlocke Challenge?

Me: Can’t say I have. Why?

Oak: The Nuzlocke Challenge is only for experienced trainers. This is how it goes.

Rule one:

You may only catch the first Pokemon you encounter on a Route. If you fail, you can’t catch any others on the Route until you reach this route.

Me: I’m getting interested…go on.

Rule two:

Any Pokemon that faint must be treated as dead and released.

Me: Why released? Can’t I just reserve a few PC boxes for “dead” pokemon? That way I can trade them over the GTS.

Oak:…How do you know these things…?

Me: Dude I’ve played Pokemon ever since the first games came out. I know these things.

Oak:…anyways.

Me: And as for the catching rule. If I encounter a shiny, I’m going to catch it no matter what. ‘kay?

Oak: Fine. I’ll see you later, Leo. Good luck.

*fades away*

End Chapter 1. Comments? :D 

Mum: I wonder when Leo is going to walk down the stairs…I want to bug him trolololol.

Me: Oh, hey Mum.

Mum: Hi, Leo! You’re finally awake. Your friend Lyra was just here.

Me: That chick with the creepy hair? Mum, have you ever thought how much hairspray it takes to keep those things up?

Mum:…She was playing hide-and-seek with her Marill.

*vivid flashback*

MARILLMARILLMARILLMARILLMARILLIMMAMARILLAND

BUGTHELIVINGCRAPOUTOFYOUMARILLMARILL! LOLOLOLOL!

Mum:..Leo? Are you okay?!

Me:…;A; No. No I’m not.

Mum: Sucks for you. OK I ALMOST FORGOT! Our acquaintance, Professor Elm, was looking for you….are you sure you’re okay?..

Me: *whimper* No….

Mum: …Um. He said he had a favour to ask of you. You know where the lab is, right? It’s right next door to us.

Me: Got it.

Mum: By the way, do you have everything you need to go out?
Me: I’m pretty sure I have underwear on, yeah. Why?

Mum: o___o… Here, use this Bag to carry things…

Me: Yup, I checked. I have underwear on.

Mum:…*cough* This is your Trainer Card…

Me: Come to think of it, was I wearing underwear when I got that picture taken..?

Mum: *cringe* Um…Here you can save a record of your progress…

Me: Um. Mum. You do know you packed a thong in my Bag, right?

Mum:…Oh crap. Um… These are also rather helpful…

Me: A boy teen's required wallet accessory? *wink*

Mum:…no. Options.

Me: Oh…

Mum: Just try touching the buttons, and you’ll know what to do in no time—

Me: Mum, are you SURE you aren’t giving me “The Talk”?
Mum: I’m through talking with you…*walks away*

Me: Finally, I’m out of the ho—OH CRAP IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS

*bump*
Marill: *stare*
Me: *stare*

Marill:…
…

MARILLMARILLMARILLMARILLMARILLLOLOLMARILL IMMA MARILL TROLOLOLOLOLL

Me: ASDFGHJKL NOOOOOO—

*Peppy music appears and a girl materializes from a door*

Me: Oh, hey, it’s the hairspray chick. Huh.

*Girl has exclamation point*

*Annoying-as-hell-Marill-has-one-as-well*

*Marill twirls and sprints to join the hairspray chick*

Me:…Dear God. I think I’ll have to put up with that Marill thing for the rest of my game now…*sigh*

*regular music resumes*

Me: I’m just gonna walk to the lab and—

What’s that red-haired chick doing up there?

Red-head:… So this is the famous Elm Pokemon Lab…

Me: Uh, yeah, it is.

Red-head: O_O!!! WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT? I’M NOT UP TO ANYTHING I SWEAR!

*shove*

Me:o_o…Okay…

THE LAB :D :D :D

*Even more upbeat music than the hairspray chick, if that’s even possible*

Elm: Hi, Leo! I’ve been waiting for you!

Me: You’re more of a creeper than Oak is.

Elm: Do you know anything about my research? :D

Me: No. Why should I?

Elm: As you know—

Me: I just said I didn—

Elm: SHUT UP AND LISTEN DAMMIT.

Me: O_O…

Elm: Ahem. S you know, Pokemon are carried in Poke Balls these days.

Me: *snort* Balls…

Elm: But, before the Poke Ball—

Me: *snort*

Elm:…:/ Before they were invented, people used to walk with Pokémon.

Me: “Runs with Zoroark”?

Elm:…Sure. Anyways, people walked with them like your friend Lyra does!
Me: Oh, wait, her name’s Lyra?

Elm: Yes. You do know she isn’t really named “Hairspray Chick”, right?

Me: *facedesk*

Elm: Poke ball DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT Poke balls are great because you can carry many Pokémon.

Me: Wouldn’t that get heavy? I mean. All those balls take a lot of work carrying around…LOL

Elm: >:C

Me: …Go on..

Elm: *sigh* But walking with Pokémon must have some advantages. It could have something to do with how Pokémon grow or evolve…

Me: Do you have any concrete evidence?

Elm: That’s why I’m giving you a Pokem—

Me: FINALLY! YESSSSS!

Elm: Can you walk beside this Pokemo outside of its Poke Ball, to see if this brings any special feelings or bonds between Pokemon and people?

Me: Dude I’m not into that kind of thing. I dunno about you though…

Elm:…What happens on Route 34 stays on Route 34, Leo.

Me: …o_o…

Elm: Choose a Pokemon, Leo.

RING RING RING RING

Elm: Oh, hey, I got an Email!

Me: No, you have a phone call.

Elm: No. It’s an Email…

Me: But it just rang like a telep—

Elm: IT’S AN EMAIL OKAY DAMMIT? D:<

Me: Okay D: Choosing Pokemon now…:c

Elm: No I’m done now. Hey, listen--

Me: OH GOD ITS ZELDA ALL OVER AGAIN ASDFGHJKL;

Elm: Sthu. I have this acquaintance that people call Mr. Pokemon.

Me: Dude is he into that kind of stuff as well as you? Freaks.

Elm:…He keeps finding weird things and raving about his discoveries.

Me: Case and point.

Elm:…:/ Anyway, I just got a telephone—I MEAN EMAIL from him saying that this time it’s real. It’s probably another Pokemon egg, but we’re still so busy with our Pokemon research…

Me: Dude. Seriously. Tell your pants it’s rude to point.

Elm: O_O… WAIT! I KNOW!

Me: .-.;;

Elm: You can go in our place, right? Can we count on you?

Me: Uh. Sure…?

Elm: You can choose one of the Pokemon over there.

Me: Finally! Which one to choose, though…Um…

Elm: Touch a Poke Ball

Me: DUDE SERIOUSLY QUIT TRYING TO GET ME INTO THAT KIND OF THING.

Elm:…Touch a Poke Ball to see what Pokemon is inside.

Chikorita, the Grass-type Pokemon, is in this Pokeball!

 Me: Well, this is pretty bad type-wise, I can’t get a Water-type that early in the game easily… NEXT.

Cyndaquil, the Fire-type Pokemon, is in this Poke ball!

Me: Well, this isn’t that bad…I could get a Grass or Bug-type super easily.

Totodile, the Water-type Pokemon, is in this Pokeball!

Me: Well, I could very easily get a Flying-type. But, if I chose Cyndaquil, I could get an Electric-type too… My mind’s set. I’ll get THAT Pokemon.

Elm: You’ll take Cyndaquil, the Fire-type Pokemon?

Me: Yup. But not in that way…=/

DOO DA DOO! Give a nickname to  the Cyndaquil you received?

Me: Sure. What to call it… I know. Ignis—OH PSH YEAH IT’S A FEMALE!

Elm: How do you like walking with your Pokemon? It’s not bad, is it? You can take it all the way to Mr. Pokemon’s house. If your Pokemon gets hurt…you can always just keep going.

Me: O_O…

Elm: O_o After visiting a Pokemon Center. Mr. Pokemon’s house is past Cherrygrove City. Go North a little past Cherrygrove. I’m counting on you, Leo!

Me: Let’s go, Ignis! :D :D :D

LONG CHAPTER IS LONG. Comments, anyone? 

WIN.

Moar.

Moarmoarmoarmoarmoar. Moar. Kthnx plz?

Me: I made it. After annoying, pointless battles with Pidgey, Caterpie, and Hoothoot, along with this pedophile Pokeathlon sprinter who gave me free shoes, I’m finally at Mr. Pokemon’s house. Let’s go, Ignis!

Ignis: QUIL. :D

I enter the house.

Guy: You must be Leo.

Me: Dude quit being the creep to my er…

Guy: o_O?

Me:…Errr…

Guy: Anyways. It was I who sent a telephone call to Professor Elm earlier.

Me: So it WAS a phone call!

Guy: Uh no. It was an email. .___.

Me: *facedesk*

Walk to the table.

Mr. Pokemon, I guess: This is what I want Professor Elm to examine.

Me: *notices something* Hey, what’s that old grey-haired man doing in the backgr—

Mr. Pokemon: DO NOT MENTION HIM. HE COMES LATER. e___e

Me: 8c ‘Kay.

Leo obtained the Mystery Egg! Leo put the mystery egg in the Key Items pocket.

Me:…I think this might get smashed in my bag, you know.

Mr. Pokemon: Just be REALLLY careful. O_o A friend of mine from Ecruteak gave it to me. I bet you can’t find this egg in Johto. I thought Professor Elm might be able to tell what it is.

Me:…Go on.

Mr. Pokemon: “He’s the best when it comes to the research—

Me: Gross.

Mr. Pokemon: ….Will you let me finish…

Me: Once again. Gross.

Mr. Pokemon: *glares* :/ “He’s the best when it comes to the research of Pokemon evolution.” That’s a quote from the famous Professor Oak.

Me: If he’s so famous why haven’t I heard about him?

Mr. Pokemon: HHHNGHH D8!!

Me: o_o…

Mr. Pokemon:…:c You are returning to Professor Elm? But I’m so lonely..:’c Here. Your Pokemon should have some rest.

Me: Uh. No. Not with you.

That weird gray-haired guy walks up.

Grey-head: And with that… I’m Professor Oak, a Pokemon researcher!

Me: OH GOD NOT ANOTHER ONE ASDFGHJKL;’

Oak: So you’re Leo! I was just visiting my friend Mr. Pokemon.

Me: Why? >_>

Oak: We have a secret love affair. Why do you ask? :3

 Me:…Whatever.

Oak: I heard you were running an errand for Professor Elm, so I waited here. I want you to know…

Me: What?

Oak: Your hair looks luscious…@u@

Me: O_O!!!!

Oak: Not you. Your Pokemon. It’s very well cared for.

Me: That doesn’t make me feel better…

Oak: I see…You must be helping Professor Elm’s research!
Me: DUDE QUIT ASSUMING I’M LIKE YOU FREAKS. I DON’T LIKE THEM LIKE THAT. D:<

Oak: *ignores* I think I understand why Professor Elm gave you that Pokemon. You will treat your Pokemon with love and care, it seems.

Me: In what way are you referring…? :/

Oak: Apparently not my favourite way. :c

Me: *cough*…

Oak: …Ah! You seem to be dependable. How would you like to help me out?

Me: O_O…

Oak: See? This is the latest version of the Pokedex.

Me: Saywut?

Oak: It automatically records data on Pokemon you’ve seen or caught. It’s a high-tech encyclopedia! I’d like you to have it.

Me: Does it…does it have any images of questionable nature?

Oak: No. :/

Me: Alright. :D

Leo received the Pokedex from Professor Oak!

Oak: Go meet many kinds of Pokemon and complete that Pokedex!

Me: Okie Dokie~ <3

Oak:…blah…stayed too long…show…Goldenrod…feeling that….meet….adfnsldfisnWHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Me: Mashing my B button. I don’t give a damn any more than I did with the whole intro thing with Professor Elm.

Oak: *glare* Let’s exchange numbers, just in case.

Me: You better not go Pedo-Ursaring on me.

Oak: :C

Oak was registered! Yaaay!

___

Comment? c': 

RING RING RING RING

Me: Wth?
Elm: H-hello? Leo?

Me: Yeah, Elm? What, did you get tested and it turned out HIV positive?

Elm: It’s a disaster! Uh, um, it’s just terrible!
Me: Rmph. Though so.

Elm: What should I do? It…Oh, no…

Me: Have you told your family yet? Wait…do you even HAVE family?

Elm: Please get back here right now!

CLICK Beepbeepbeep

Me:….:/ Whatever. Let’s go, Ignis.

Ignis: Cyn. :c

DUN DUN DUN DUUNNNN

A wild Caterpie appeared!

Go! Ignis!

Ignis: :D!

Me: No. c:

Got away safely!

Ignis: :c….

DUNN DUNNN DUNNNNN

A wild Caterpie appeared!

Go! Ignis!

Ignis: 8D!!

Me: Lol no. :D

Ignis: 8c….Quil…?

Me: Nope. :D

Got away safely!

DUN DUN DUNNNNN

A wild Pidgey appeared!

Go! Ignis!

Ignis:…Quilll….:’c

Me: :D See, you’re learning something!

Got away safely!

DUN DUNNN DUNNNN

A wild Metapod appeared!

Go! Ignis!

Ignis: ….

Got away safely!

DUN DUNN DU—

Got away safely!

Meanwhile, I reach Cherrygrove City…Stay tuned!

(Sorry for the stupid chapter…:c)

So much win you make Nny smile.

Smiley happy Nny. You made Nny smile.c:

*runs off creepily*

This. This is just TOO funny.

...

I love you. Will you marry me? O.O now. Right now. Seriously? Now. ... Now.

:(

CLOSING.

I just remembered that I really didn't like the remake that much...plus Sprout Tower annoys the hell out of me 

Don't worry though. I'm making an

UNOVA NUZLOCKE CHRONICLES! :D :D :D