Wel, it's nice, but it could definitely use some work. There are a lot of spelling errors, unneccessary punctuations, and too many capitals. It has a nice story line, though. I saw that there were a lot of random objects capitalized, which made them seem like proper nouns. A lot of periods were used in spots that didn't make sense, too. Try staying away from periods, and use commas instead. Follow those things, and your story will improve a lot! ;D
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