The Other Side- Chapter One- A Rash Decision


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Fox

9:43pm May 25 2011

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*Note that this story was something I began in 2009, meaning I was only thirteen.  Please, don't criticize me harshly.  I know there are grammer and spelling errors, and there could be an improved flow.  But again, this was two years ago.*
 
There I stood, a tall and slender figure, 5'11 to be exact.  My hair gave a volcanic look, black like soot with magma red streaks mixed in.  It streched down to my chin, almost all the ends split and frayed.  A shimmer came upon my stunning emerald eyes as the sun beat down.  The bright light exagerated my pale skin.

My wrist flicked as I shot a stone forward, the stone touching the lake water and skipping three times.
"Skipping stones are we Salem?"
A sweet and friendly voice cooed to me unexpectedly.
"Yeah, you wanna join me?"
I replied back to Luna, the best friend I had ever made.  She was caring, and always cheerful.  But we were just friends, nothing more.  Without another word, she came up beside me.  She took a few turns at skipping the stray stones that were strewn across the area.  A few unsuccessful attempts led to a perfect skip, four times.  Luna squealed in delight, her eyes brightening up.
"Good one."
I spoke as I peered over at her, grinning.  She blushed my way.  I've no clue why, as this was not an embarrassing moment for her.  A couple more skips went by before I grasped my checkered back pack.
"I've got to get home, bye."
Luna replied to me with a cheerful good- bye.

I made my way down the barren streets that adorned the town.  Everything was peaceful and quiet as usual.  I came upon my home, a white two-story house, a brand new one.  It had just been built a year or so ago.  Though it was new, it had it's creaks and flaws.  The front door being one of them.  Every time someone entered, it let out a loud and annoying squeak.  I approached the front door, aware of the noise I was sure it would emit.  I slowly put my hand on the knob, turning it and opening the door.  An obnoxious screech flooded my ears, forcing a shudder down my spine.  My mom chimed in at the noise. 
"Hi dear, how was your day?"
My mom had a caring and sweet personality, sometimes to the point of being a nuisance.
"It was fine, mom.  Thanks for asking."
I stepped up the carpeted stairs, friction gathering in my shoes.  This friction was released when I reached for my doorknob and got a sudden surprise.  I entered my bedroom, the first thing I noticed was the bright blue paint that covered my walls.  I didn't choose this, it was all my mom's decision.  The digital clock on my night stand read 7:32 pm.  I tossed my back pack aside, having a seat on my twin sized bed.  I leaned back on a cushiony pillow that was nearby.  A familiar voice echoed up the stairs, my mother's voice.
"Supper time!"
I got up and climbed down the stairs, having a seat at the dinner table.  My mom brought a ham out of the oven.  She paired it with peas and mashed potatoes, then we dug in.  It was just me and my mom.  I never knew what happened to my father, nor will I ask.  Some things are better left unsaid.

After dining on one of my mother's average dinners, I thanked her and made my way up the stairs and to the bedroom.  I laid in my bed and watched TV for a decent amount of time.  The clock now showed a display of bright green letters reading 10:17 pm.  I clicked the light off and settled back in my comfy spot of the bed.  Then I pushed a button on the remote, setting the sleep timer so it'd go off forty- five minutes later.

I dozed off, into a deep slumber.  I slept hard, awaking in the morning around 8:00.  It was a Saturday, my favorite day of the week.  I almost tripped down the stairs, that would have been a horrid fall.  Pacing into the kitchen, I fixed myself a bowl of cereal.  The milk had made the sugary sweet flakes soggy before I had a chance to take even one bite.  Nevertheless, I ate every last bit of it.  That's how I was, not wasteful that's for sure.  I cleaned up my mess and placed my bowl and spoon in the sink, running a stream of water in it.

The day went by like nothing, and before I knew it, I was back in bed.  Sleep timer all set, I fell fast asleep.  When I woke up early that rainy Sunday morning, I knew I had dreamt the night before.  I could not remember even the slightest detail, but I knew it was a bad dream.  A dark and creepy nightmare.  As usual, I set a course down the stairs.  The Sunday paper sat on the table, heavy and thick.  My eyes shifted slightly towards it.  I was normally not a fan of the news, but this time there was something different about it.  Something eerie.  A face I had known was sketched into the paper on a side column.  I scanned through, my pupils shrinking as I read on:

'Young girl missing.  Luna Kole, A 15 year old female local resident has recently gone missing.  Her parents say she vanished after she left the house to go on a walk.  Investigators say they will soon start a thorough search of the county.  We all prey she will be found soon.'

A stroke of severe depression hit me then.  She was my only real, true friend.  The only thing holding me from an emotional breakdown was the fact that she had only just gone missing.  There was still a great chance that she would be found.  I kept a bright and hopeful smile on my face, one that landed me nowhere.  I read the news everyday from that point on, awaiting the day she would be found. 

A whole month had come and gone by and still no response.  My optimistic hopes had been replaced by pessimistic doubts.  At this point, I was sure she was gone forever, good as dead.  My doubtful mind led to many troubles.  I stayed secluded away in my bedroom most of the time.  I couldn't stand the thought of loosing a friend, the best friend I'd ever have.  No one could replace her, and I knew it for a fact.  She had put the sunshine in my life.  She gave me a reason to get up in the morning, a reason to live on this Earth.  Without her cheerful and caring ways life to me was pointless.

I nabbed my thin jacket off it's hanger, wrapping it around my shoulders securely.  
"I'm gonna go outside for awhile mom."
I didn't even wait for a response.  I just stomped out the front door, ignoring the annoying creak it let out.  I wandered through the park, and into the woods, I took a peek in the nearby neighborhood.  An old and deserted town had caught my eye and beckoned me closer.  There were no signs of life at all there.  Not a sound, not a glimpse, nothing.  Even the trees were dead and decaying.  There was something strange there, to say the least.  I couldn't put my finger on it, but I could feel it's dark aura surrounding me completely, drowning me in a gray dreariness. 

I ventured to the center of the town, seeing a spiraling vortex whirled around like a tornado.  It had a strong barrier of wind surrounding it.  I made an extremely rash decision then.  I moved in too close, I had underestimated it's true power.  I feel victim to the gloomy portal as it sucked and pulled me closer and closer, inch by inch.  I made an attempt to go against the current, and it was a futile one.  I went nearly limp and surrendered to the strong pull of the deep tunnel.  It sucked me up like a noodle, shoving me off into lands unknown. 
 
 
*Thanks for reading*



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YvaineEspada

6:56am May 26 2011

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Posts: 158

Hey, that's really nice, I like the last three paragraphs the best! You almost describe things too much though, some of the things about what she does in her day (walking up the stairs to the bedroom, walking downstairs again etc) you've described every action in detail which starts to make it a little boring. As a reader we can assume some of these actions, we do them every day after all! Although that's not exactly what I mean... um... look at these sentence beginnings you've usesd: 'I got up', 'I entered my bedroom', 'I leaned back'; these are all in the third paragraph of the story and I think that paragraph is my least favourite, because it seems a little repetitive.

Maybe that's the style you were going for though, and it's just not my cup of tea! I just remember my English teacher telling me when I first started writing to stop describing every little detail of what a person does, otherwise it gets in the way of the story! Which in this case is getting interesting and I really want to find out what happens next! Anyway, this has turned really long and rambling so I'll stop xD looking forward to reading more! ^.^




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Fox

4:26pm May 26 2011

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Thanks ;D  Yeah, I know, I was bothered at the way I used the word 'I' at the start of so many sentences.  It creates a strange flow.  But again, this was written two years ago, and I merely did a quick spell check and then posted it here.  Didn't take the time to edit much.  

And I think I'd better convey the fact that the main character is male in a more obvious way XD  Everyone seems to assume it's a she, which could make the story a bit confusing down the road.  Depending on how I decide to go with this, of course.

I'll cut out some of the little, unimportant details if I get the chance.  I think I was going for a sort of mysterious vibe at the start, which could be why I went through every little action.  You know, like those old black and white detective show- things? XD 

I actually do have more written, but decided that it was good to end it where I did, considering I found it a decent cliff- hanger.




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YvaineEspada

6:27am May 27 2011

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0.0" Salem's a guy? Oops xD

Yeah the black-and-white detective show thing sorta makes sense actually, I can see where you're coming from!  And yeah it was a good place to end it for now, I've certainly been left wanting to read more!




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Fox

4:43pm May 27 2011

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Lol, common error.

I'm gonna revamp the style later in the story, though.  It sorta breaks out into extreme fantasy, which wouldn't pair right with an eerie detective theme.  And thanks for the read, it makes me excited that someone actually enjoys my work.  Ashame the writing section of these forums isn't very popular.  People would rather look at a picture which, in my opinion, isn't worth the thousand words they claim it to be.




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GreenKat

5:17pm May 27 2011

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I think that it's pretty good. I also like to write stories and need some help deciding what to post. #1 is He Knows, #2 is Every Clue is a Mystery Too, #3 is Broadway Mystery, and #4 is The Haunting of Harold Manor. Any help?



YvaineEspada

6:49pm May 27 2011

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Posts: 158

Hey no problem, I love reading and writing, and I also think it's a shame that not much attention is paid to this section either. No one's commented on the beginning of a story I posted the other day :( The thread is titled 'A Work in Progress... comments?' if you fancy having a read for me xD

Oooh extreme fantasy? *is intrigued* I love pretty much anything fantasy, I'm constantly living in my own little made up worlds! They're much nicer than the real thing a lot of the time =P




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YvaineEspada

6:51pm May 27 2011

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Posts: 158

Oh and GreenKat, I like the sound of #2, mainly coz it rhymes xD but as a ti
tle it's the one that grabs me the most ^.^




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Fox

7:23pm May 27 2011

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I'll be sure to give it a read, Yvaine.  And I agree, I like #2.  Reminds me of a Nancy Drew book ti
tle XD



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Fox

8:07pm May 29 2011

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Bump~



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