Chapter One:

     My heart beat rapidly as I ran on the cracked, concrete sidewalk. I had seen some guy lurking in the shadows, holding a large bag. He had looked at me with his strange violet eyes. Somehow, I just knew something was wrong. The man started walking towards me, and had taken something out of his leather bag. I didn't wait to find out what he had in that small bag of his. I ran with as much speed as I could muster.

     I felt immense fear rise in me, as I heard a shout of surprise, and the sound of footsteps; the man was dashing after me. I didn't stop to figure out where I would run, where I would hide. The only place I wanted to go was anywhere but where that man was. I was sure that the man had taken out a knife, from his bag, but I couldn't be too sure, and I wasn't taking any risks to find out. My panicked run took me into the woods, with its oak trees that loomed tall and sorrowful and casted long, mournful shadows along the forest floor.

     My town was a small town where people stole other people's money, and comitted crimes. The woods seemed the only escape from the man. People had spread creepy stories about the woods being haunted, that kept everyone away from it, so the forest seemed like my only hope. I heard the footsteps again, and ducked behind a sturdy, old oak. I glimpsed the man, looking around for me, shivering from cold and fear of the forest. The man sighed with a hint of unusual disappointment, and trudged away.

     I breathed a huge breath of relief. I touched the rough bark of the oak, and silently thanked myself that I hadn't been found by the strange man. Slowly, I stood up, my legs aching from my long run. I ran my fingers down the tree, and felt a hole somewhere. I reached into where I though the hole was, wanting to know what was in there out of curiousity. I felt the smooth surface of something.

I peered inside the hole. I saw four eggs glowing in the darkness of the hole in the oak. Weird. I took in a deep breath of excitement, realizing that this might be a major discovery. I needed to tell my friends now!

So, how does everybody like this so far? Advice is appreciated. I really want to know how to improve my writing.

It's really interesting Wolf ^^ Here's some things I found in your writing that I think should be fixed. Well, first of all, it moves a bit too quickly. Slow down, flesh things out, take some time to describe things.

The man started walking towards me, and had taken something out of his leather bag, but I didn't even wait to find out what.

That is a long sentence. For some strange reason, sentences like that make me read it reallyreallyfastandIfeellikeIcan'tcatchmybreath. Slow it down :3 Describe stuff. Divide it into seperate sentences.

I had ran, with as much speed as I could muster.

Watch the grammar. I'm fairly sure that the correct sentence would be: I had run with as much speed as I could muster. Don't put in the comma. Watch where you place commas; I notice you putting them in places where they shouldn't be.

  I felt immense fear rise in me, as I heard a shout of surprise, and the sound of footsteps, of the man dashing after me.

Whoa! Here it is again. Thereallyreallyreallylongsentence. You have too many commas. Just having a prepositional phrase doesn't mean that you should have a comma before or after it all the time. ;3 If you wanted to write a long sentence like that, I'm fairly sure it should be: I felt immense fear rise in me as I heard a shout of surprise and the sound of footsteps; it was the sound of the man dashing after me. Try reading that to yourself. It's still hard to read because it's so long and you want to rush it. Generally I would put commas where I actually pause when I'm reading it out loud.

My panicked run took me into the woods, with its oak trees, that loomed tall and sorrowful, casting long, mournful shadows along the forest floor.

Yes. It is another one of the long sentences with too many commas. Watch out for those.

That's all I'm going to pick on. There were a couple more really long run on sentences, but I won't put them all down here. Read your stories out loud to youself so you can hear the sentences and maybe take out some uneeded commas. Watch out for making really long sentences. ^^ In other words, shorter sentences, more deion.

I really really like it though. You have me hooked. Good job. xD

Chapter Two:

     I stared upon the eggs, with great hyperness. My heart fluttered in my chest, like a hummingbird beats its wings. I was so hyper just from discovering these things, though I had no idea why. Thoughts were already whirling in my head, thoughts about telling this to my friends.

     Which friends would I tell? How many would I talk to about these curious-looking eggs? I had no idea. Here I was, with four eggs before me, and I just couldn't decide on whom to tell about it.

     I gave a small sigh and brushed my dark brown bangs out of my eyes. I gazed at the eggs fondly. I set my eggs on each one. My eyes stopped at a beautiful obsidian black egg, with a highly polished surface, like opaque glas.s. I bent down to pick the interesting, little egg up with my two hands.

     I held the black egg up, and examined it. Now, that it was close to my face, I could see minuscule, midnight blue spots dotting the egg's shiny surface. So interesting.... I ran my fingers along the egg, feeling how incredibly smooth it was. I realized that this might have been the egg I had touched when I had first reached into the hole in the oak tree.

     My thoughts turned back to my friends, and who I should talk to. I'll tell Nero, Lila, and Jash, that's who I'll tell. And I'll bring this egg with me as proof. Now, I gave a faint smile of satisfaction, and caressed the egg. Slowly, I slid it into the small backpack I had been carrying with me all this time. Then, I looked at the way I had came.

Time to go.

Chapter Three

     It was the next day and I was standing in Nero's bedroom with my friends. I had spent almost all the night calling them one by one, listening to their boring days they had lived, and then excitedly telling them my brilliant story. Occasionally, I had to repeat what I had told over and over again because one of my friends were so amazed with my discovery. After the phone calls I had made, I laid in bed, completely awake, thinking about meeting all of my three friends and showing them the egg that I held in my possession.

     Now, here I was, meeting them right now, in this room. Nero had been the last person I had called and had offered for us to meet in his room. That caused me to phone Lila and Jash again to tell them the meeting place. I stared at Nero, Jash, and Lila, waiting for their attention so I could speak.

     As soon as all eyes were on me, I said, "I am so happy that all of you were able to make it here. I was worried that one of you wouldn't make it and couldn't see my marvelous discovery. Seeing those eggs nestled there was like-"

     "Get on with it, please," Nero interrupted. He stared at me with his ocean blue eyes, which his dark bangs fell into.

     "Sorry," I murmured. "I was getting ahead of myself."

     Nero placed his hand lightly on my right shoulder. "Don't worry. We all know how you like to exaggerate about things."

     "I do not-" I started to protest, but then I saw the serious look on Nero's pale face. "Sorry..."

     "Go on with what you were saying before, please," he said softly. I nodded slowly.

     "Well, as I was about to say, I am happy that you made it here," I continued in a louder voice. "And as you know I have brought proof of my discovery with me." Every person in the room nodded when I said this.

     "But you still haven't shown this 'proof' yet," Jash challenged me, being the skeptic he was. "How do we know that what you will show us is real? That it isn't a toy that you bought at some store to fool us."

     I shrugged my shoulders. "Maybe you'll be able to know if you're able to see it with your eyes and touch it with your own hands."

     Jash crossed his arms, his dark brown eyes glaring at me. "Then show us this egg. Hand over the proof."

     I returned Jash's scorching glare. "I'll give it to you then. And after that, I'll see what you will think then, Mr. Skepticism."

     I walked over to where my backpack was on Nero's bed. I unzipped it and reached inside it, feeling for the egg's smooth, glas.sy shell. After a few minutes, I drew out the black egg. It felt warm in my hands.

     I approached Jash and placed the egg gently into his cupped hands. "There," I defiantly said. "There's your evidence."

     Jash snorted and ran his fingers along the egg's beautiful shell. He examined it carefully. Then, he lifted it and brought it down against the Nero's wooden desk. I yelled at him, but it was too late. For several seconds, I thought Jash would raise his hand and would reveal the egg smashed too pieces. I was wrong.

     Jash revealed the egg to be completely unharmed, his face looking confused. He ran his shaky hands through his black-and-blue-dyed hair. "The egg seemed normal, but when I tried to break it, nothing happened." I glanced at Lila and Nero's faces, trying to see their reactions. Both looked astounded.

     "So, do you believe me now?" I asked Jash, turning my head back towards him. He gave a short nod.

Then, he gazed at me and asked, no longer skeptic,"Can you show us where these eggs were?"

((Bump))

Show us Chapter Four! :DD *Excited*

*Jumps up and down* I think eet ish awesome :D

Thanks. I'll post the next chapter soon. Just so you know, the name of the person I'm writing about, the person who found the eggs, is named Kaina.

Chapter Four

     "Come on," Jash complained. "How long until we get there?" He glared at the large amount of vegetation that surrounded him, keeping him from going to where the eggs were, with their leaves and sharp branches. "Can't we just cut through these plants!"

     "We can't harm nature," Lila protested, speaking for the first time today that I knew of. "They are supposed to be here, unlike some people." Lila glanced at Jash angrily, her holly green eyes flashing.

     I laid a hand on Jash's shoulder before he could deliver a sharp retort back to Lila. "Come on guys," I said, trying to make peace between the two friends. "We don't want to have a fight right now. You are preventing us from getting to those eggs."

     Lila narrowed her eyes. "Fine, but I doubt you'll receive an apology from him," she spat, pointing her finger at Jash who was simmering in fury once again. Jash folded his arms and leaned against one of the trees. He snorted as he glanced at us.

     "Just stop talking," Nero spoke up, stepping beside me. "I'm sure Kaina will bring us to this place soon enough. Then, we can all calm down. The forest is just making us tense, that's all." He smiled at us. "You know we were all born listening to these stories about the woods."

     Jash flicked my hand off his shoulder. "Whatever," he muttered. "As long as Nature Girl over there doesn't annoy me again." The irritating teenager nodded in Lila's direction.

     I sighed loudly. "Well, I guess we won't be able to go to the eggs now since Jash is still being a jerk."

     Jash immediately stopped leaning on the trunk of the tree. He opened his mouth and protested,"No, I'm not being a jerk! I'll be quiet for the rest of the walk."

     I smiled at Jash. Oh, he was so gullible. Of course I wasn't going to hike all the way back to the outside of the forest because he was being so bitter. Though I would make sure he doesn't irritate me again.

     The whole time after that conversation, not a word was spoken. The anxiety could be seen lingering in each person's eyes. I was starting to think that I had actually forgotten the way back to that one place, after all. I knew that sooner or later Jash would break the silence finally, demanding for me to take them there already. I sighed a soft sigh.

     I was about to give up. The sun was blazing high in the sky, its precious light shining through the leaves. Beads of sweat were forming endlessly on my forehead. Why didn't I know where to go?

     "How much longer?" Lila asked. She was the weakest of us all, swaying above the ground and almost ready to fall to the ground.

     I stopped and looked at her, eyes confused. "I don't know," I replied, voice just barely above a whisper. "I just don't know when." With a sigh I leaned against an old oak tree. The hard bark brushed against my back. My fingers ran down the tree's trunk, feeling its prickling touch. That was when I felt my fingers fall where there seemed to be a hole in the oak. It couldn't be. I reached inside the hole to feel the surface. It felt like an egg and it possibly was not a normal egg.

     "Hey!" I yelled excitedly, my eyes gleaming. "I think I found the eggs."

     Jash, who had been hanging his head for the past few hours, lifted his head up and looked at me, a mad glint in his eyes that rivaled my own. "We found it?" He pushed me out of the way and reached into the hole. Then after a second, Jash pulled his hand out, revealing an egg, as unusual as the one that I had taken out yesterday. A wide grin crossed his face. "We really found it!"

     Lila struggled to regain her balance. Soon, she tottered over to the tree and gazed inside. The young teenager drew out a jade green egg with blue spirals dancing around the center of it in a line. "Just as odd as the one you had," Lila commented, her voice soft like the whispering of the wind. Her fingers ran around the shell of the egg. "Rough, like tree bark."

"Mine's weirder than yours," Jash proclaimed, holding up for us to see the egg that he had snatched out. I finally noticed how very strange it was indeed. The egg was round and orb-like and a soft golden color. When you looked closely you could see a sun and a crescent moon depicted on it, looking so life-like. It seemed as if the real sun and moon had been plucked from the sky and shrunken. I reached forward to touch it only to be repelled by a dark prescence that seemed to make an invisible la
yer around the egg.

     Then after he stared at Jash's egg with a kind of wariness, Nero stepped forward and knelt down beside the oak tree, reaching deep into the hole where the remaining egg was. Taking a breath, the dark-haired boy took out the last egg. It was smaller than the other eggs and a shimmering silver. Coal gray stripes wrapped around the whole egg's shell. Several cracks were on the egg, where whatever that laid in wait there had attempted to escape.

     "Well," I said, "These must be all of the eggs. It is a pity that there isn't any more."

     Jash nodded, though he seemed to be plunged into his thoughts. He stared intently at his egg. "Um, let's go home now," Jash spoke, looking up. His black-and-blue hair hid away his eyes, not allowing me to see the unknown ex
pression on his face.