So, I've got this ongoing debate...
I wrote this Poem for my Creative Writing course last semester and got mixed reviews on it. So I'd like some things cleared up.
Here's the poem.
The Autumn Ballet
Spinning and twirling,
Faster and faster,
The wind catches.
Floating and falling,
Flipping and flying,
Skids along the trunk.
Flashes of red and orange.
Madly dancing with the air.
Nature's graceful ballet.
Ends when it finally touches the ground.
Crunch.
One clomping boot and this dancer is done.
http://fang-not-fnick.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d318wf9 = Link to it on dA.
Now, the debate:
Many people, including my teacher thought that I should take out the last two lines where the leaf gets crunched and end it at 'Ends when it finally touches the ground.'
Now, I like it the way it is. I thin taking out those last two lines leaves it feeling...Unfinished. Though I doubt I'll change it, I would like some other opinions for future reference an such. Agree? Disagree? Any other ideas on this poem?
Thanks!
-Saint
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