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11:22pm May 5 2009
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Normal User
Posts: 1,588
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This is unfinished, comments are welcome, It was snowing in the city, this was strange, because it was summer, a young, white cat with black patches watched the snow from her home, a cardboard box on it's side, near the top of a skyscraper.
"When is this strange weather going to end" the cat thought to herself, curled up in a ball and went to sleep. When she awoke a grey cat was watching her
"Tey" the grey cat meowed
the Black and white cat whose name was Tey stretched
"what do you want" she replied rather grumply
"you must find the elemental collars" the grey cat meowed
"what are Elemental collars" Tey asked
"Seven cats with powers, spiecal powers" The grey cat replied
99.99% of the Girls in America would pass out if Edward Cullen disappeared. Post this to your siggy if you were the .01% Happily locking him in Sheldon Cooper's Apartment
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8:40am May 6 2009
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Normal User
Posts: 185
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I'd love to read this!!!
French rule, Brits suck.
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3:46pm May 6 2009
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Normal User
Posts: 1,588
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thanks chantico, here is some more fourteen images flashed through Tey's mind, a white cat, a snowflake, a panther, the moon, a tiger, a flame, a calico, the sun, a muddy brown tabby, a leaf, a silver-white cat, a cloud, a silver-blue cat and a rain drop.
"you have to find them" The grey cat repeted.
Tey woke with a start, the grey cat was just a dream
"who are these Elemental Collars" she thought, then poked her head a little outside the box, it wasn't snowing anymore, it was raining.
Sighing, Tey stepped outside wondering about how she fitted into the picture, her stomach growled, she ran down the stairs to the park, there was lots of food there.
99.99% of the Girls in America would pass out if Edward Cullen disappeared. Post this to your siggy if you were the .01% Happily locking him in Sheldon Cooper's Apartment
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4:00pm May 6 2009
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Normal User
Posts: 185
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*sits and watches intently*
French rule, Brits suck.
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4:23pm May 6 2009
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Normal User
Posts: 1,588
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Tey spotted a muddy brown tabby sitting on a park bench, she jumped up to sit beside him.
"hello, i'm Tey" she meowed
"Elm" the tabby replied
Tey looked at the tabby, he was the tabby from her dream she was sure of it, she looked at Elm's neck, there was a muddy, brown leather collar with a shining silver leaf where the name tag should be. "could this be the first of the Elemental Collars" Tey thought as she washed a white paw absent mindedly, aslo trying to think of a way not to sound completly crazy
"Elemental Collars" she mumbled hoping it would help
"what's an Elemental Collar" Elm asked
" a Cat with powers" Tey Replied
Elm jumped off the bench onto the grass, a patch of dasies grew where his paws had been, then jumped back up onto the bench.
99.99% of the Girls in America would pass out if Edward Cullen disappeared. Post this to your siggy if you were the .01% Happily locking him in Sheldon Cooper's Apartment
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4:27pm May 6 2009
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Normal User
Posts: 185
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:P (sit and read with tounge out for no reason)
French rule, Brits suck.
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4:47pm May 6 2009
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Normal User
Posts: 1,588
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"wow, you are the first of the Elemental Collars" Tey mewed stunned by what she had just seen.
her stomach growled again, remebering the reason she was there, Tey jumped off the bench to look for food, finding none, she left the park and climbed the stairs to her home at the top of the skyscraper, the rain had stopped now, then she curled up in her box and went to sleep
a longhaired tabby kitten mewed "Tey, wake up Tey"
Tey's eyes slowly blinked open "Tora"
"Big sister" The kitten whose name was Tora mewed
Tey looked around at the ruins,
"where are we"
"home" Tora replied
"how is this home" Tey asked
Tora opened her mouth to speak, then Tey woke up,
it was morning, today looked to be sunny for once
99.99% of the Girls in America would pass out if Edward Cullen disappeared. Post this to your siggy if you were the .01% Happily locking him in Sheldon Cooper's Apartment
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9:43pm May 6 2009
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Normal User
Posts: 934
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Three things that I find realy help: Punctuation. Don't want to sound rude, but it was all jumbled to gether, and difficult to read. I noticed, too, that you have a few run on scentences. THey go on, and on, and on, without pause. Two: Emotions. Your characters seem flat to me. On a flat surface, you can only see one side of the charcter, and only a simple, flat out way that they think. Try to make your characters round, like a ball, where you can see the character from every angle. It helps the reader relate to what the character is doing, feeling, speaking, or simply how he or she is acting. This can draw readers in, making it funner to read. Three: Details, Details, DEATAILS!! You can NEVER have enough. THis allso relates to emotions because then we know more about the character. Tell me more about Tey. Where are her spots? Does she had long or short hair? LArge, miscivous eyes? Bright green or golden yellow eyes? Which paws are white? Does she have any scarfs? Why is she living on the streets? Ect, ect. Hope this helps. Sorry, it was kinda long. You have a great idea, but some expiriences to back it up.
Offline; back and looking to get roleplaying again (as well as reviving my poor pets!)
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8:29am May 7 2009
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Normal User
Posts: 185
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funner ain't a word Morgain
French rule, Brits suck.
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1:40pm May 7 2009
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Normal User
Posts: 1,588
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Thanks Morgain Very Helpful
99.99% of the Girls in America would pass out if Edward Cullen disappeared. Post this to your siggy if you were the .01% Happily locking him in Sheldon Cooper's Apartment
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4:35pm May 14 2009
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Normal User
Posts: 934
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Chantico: Niether is "Ain't". lol Glad to help, Jemi!
Offline; back and looking to get roleplaying again (as well as reviving my poor pets!)
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9:03am May 15 2009
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Normal User
Posts: 185
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whatever,some people consider it a word
French rule, Brits suck.
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