Knock, Knock

Who's there

cows go

cows go who?

Cows don't go who!Cows go moo!

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting c- MOO

Knock Knock.

Who's There?

I done a lil p.

I done a lil p-who (poo)?

xDDDD That one kills me!

A couple in their 90's visit an attorny and announce that they want to get a divorce.

"How long have yo been married?" asks the attorny.

"75 years," said the couple.

The attorny said that was a long time and asked why they wanted to get a divorce after so long.

"We can't stand eachother!" the couple cried.

"Are you sure there is no chance of working it out?" the attorny pressed.

"We cannot STAND each other!" the couple repeated.

"Then why were you together for so long before you decided to divorce?" the attorny asked.

The couple said, "We were waiting for the kids to die."

I have a few doctor jokes -

Patient: doctor, i feel like a cup of coffee

Doctor: oh dont be a drip!

Doctor: what's your problem?

Man: I like bowties

Doctor: is that all? a lot of people like bowties, i prefer them myself

Man: you do? what a relief! how do you like them - boiled or fried?

Patient: could i have a glass of water?

Doctor: to drink?

Patient: no, i want to go waterskiing

Patient: doctor, i have a feeling people don't care about what i say

Doctor: so?

Patient: doctor, i think everyone's ignoring me

Doctor: next!

  And this

Sheriff: if you had a gun with only one bullet, and two outlaws were coming at you from the north and south, which one would you shoot?

Deputy: i'd shoot the gun

just some old ones i found

Q: Why do birds fly south?

A: Cuz it's too far to walk. DUH! xD

Q: Why did tigger look in the toilet?

A: To look for Pooh. xDha!ha!ha!ha!ha.....:I

What is in common with

Santa claus, smart blonde and talking bunnies?

None of them excist! ;d 

HAHAHAHAHA HAHA HAha haha .. ha .. .. . Okay it even wasnt that good ._.

A Brunette was standing on the side of the highway saying 88, 88, 88, 88, 88, 88...

A Blonde walks up and thinks what she doing is really cool. so she joins "88, 88, 88, 88, 88..."

Then the brunette tells her to go and stand in the middle of the road and do it.

So the blonde goes...

The blonde obviously got hit by a car and so the brunette stands there watching and began to say 89, 89, 89, 89, 89, 89..

ERROR: So the blonde goes

88, 88, 88, 88 ,88 ,88...

(sorry! I thought i had typed that in)

Yo mama so stupid she thought a quarterback was a refund.

(( I'm not trying to affend anyone by telling these jokes... :P ))

Yo mama so stupid she though she was human.

 Yo mama so stupid she asked a blond to teach her to be smart.

 ~

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really mad.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.  XD

One day, there was a blonde convention. One blonde stepped up with a microphone and stood at a podium on a small stage. He yelled, "We are here today to prove that blondes aren't stupid!!! Who would like to help prove that blondes are smart?"
A young blonde girl stepped forward! "I will prove that blondes are smart!"
The crowd roared, "Yes! Yes! Yes!"
The blonde man hosting the convention said, "Okay! Answer these questions! What is 5 + 5?"
The blonde girl thought for a few seconds and said, "3!"
The crowd roared, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The host said, "Okay, okay! What is 1 + 0?"
The girl thought for a minute and said, "8!"
The crowd screamed, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
"Okay, okay," said the host. He said, "Last chance! Final question! What is 8 + 2?"
The blonde girl thought for many minutes, and the crowd was quiet. She finally said, "10...?"
The host opened his mouth to say something when the crowd screamed, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!!! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!!!" 

Sorry about the blonde joke. O_O I didn't really like this one, but I couldn't think of anything else. xD I know blondes aren't stupid! I'm stupid, but I'm not blonde. ;D Mwahaha.

no offense to blondes, ppl:

a blonde and a brunette were entered in a swimming competion in a big lake. the type of swimming u were supposed to do was the breaststroke. the ref blew the horn to signal the start and everyone (including the judges and ref) raced to the finish line to wait for them. half an hour later, the brunette showed up at the finish line. the ref said "lets wait a little longer for the blonde before we do the awarding ceremony. so they all waited.

and waited.

and waited.

finally, 5 hours later, the blonde showed up. the judges asked "what took u so long?" the blonde replied "well, i don't want to be a tattletale, but i saw the brunette using her arms to swim too"

Knock Knock.
Who's There?
Hi.
Hi who?
Hi, I wanted to talk to you.

;D ;D ;D Yeah I know, epic fail.

Lol, I'm a blonde and not stupid but it's still fun reading the jokes. XD

 Here are two... they're sort of horror story-style jokes, but at the end they're not that scary.

 A woman was on a cruise with her boyfriend, and she was absolutely sick of him. She couldn't get rid of him. So one night, she stabbed him and threw him overboard. He was never seen again. But the next night, while she was in her cabin, she heard a strange voice coming from outside. "It floats... it floats..." She was really freaked out, and ran outside to see what it was. But no one was there. The night after that, she was sitting outside her cabin, and the voice came again down from the deck of the ship. "It floats... It floats..." The woman was freaked out again. She ran to the deck to see what it was, but again, no one was there. The night after that, she was sitting on the ship's deck and, again, heard the strange voice, coming from over the edge of the ship. "It floats... it floats..." Now she was more freaked out than ever, and she ran to the very edge, crying out, "What is it? What floats!?" And the voice came back, saying, "Ivory soap..."

Next!

On a dark and stormy night, a traveling man came to an old motel. He went up and asked the man at the front desk, "Do you have any rooms open where I can stay the night?" The man told him that there was only one room open, and it was haunted. The man claimed he was not afraid of anything and took the room. But in the dead of night, the man awoke to a horrible voice, saying, "Bloody fingers... Bloody fingers..." He looked up and saw a terrifying ghost stepping out of the closet and coming towards him. In shock, he jumped out the window and ran away. The night after that, a woman came to the same motel, and asked the same question. She was given the same answer, for still, the only room not taken was the haunted room. She replied saying that she was not afraid of ghosts and took it. But in the dead of night, she heard the same voice, "Bloody fingers... Bloody fingers..." Saw the same ghost, and, like the man, jumped out the window and fled in shock. The next night, another man came, a musician. He, like the other two, asked for a room, and was given the same option, the haunted room. He, like the other two, took it, claiming he was not afraid of ghosts. That night, instead of going straight to sleep, he sat up late playing his guitar. In the dead of night, the ghost stepped out of its closet, whispering, "Bloody fingers... Bloody fingers..." But the man didn't look up, he just kept playing. Enraged, the ghost raised his voice at the man. "Bloody fingers... Bloody fingers!" But still he didn't look up. At this, the ghost lifted its head and shreiked, "Bloody fingers!! Bloody fingers!!" And finally the man looked up and said to the ghost, "Cool it man, get yourself a band-aid."

Okay I got two.

First one!:

A blonde girl was driving in her car and she looked out the window and saw another blonde in the middle of a meadow, sitting in a boat, trying to row through the grass. Outraged, the blonde pulled over and started yelling at the other blonde, "It's blondes like you that give us our bad name! If I could swim I'd go out there and punch you!"

Number two!:

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are running from a pack of wild dogs when they come to cliff. A genie appears out of no where and tells them that if they jump off the cliff and say the name of an animal they will temparily turn into that animal until they reach the other side. So the brunette jumps off the cliff and yells eagle, she flies over to the other side. The redhead jumps and says hawk, she makes it to the other side as well. The blonde jumps off but forgets to the say the name of an animal. Just as she is about to hit the ground she says, "Oh crap!"

I laughed so hard the first time I heard that one xD

What's the difference between a thousand dead babies and a ferrari?

...

I don't have a ferrari in my garage. 

a blonde chick goes in a store and say i want this TV the guy says srry i cant sell that to u blondes the blonde says ok and leaves then she dies her hair black she goes back and says i want to buy this tv the guy says srry cant sell this to u blonde she says hey how u no i was a blonde guy says cuz this is a micowave not a TV :)

A butcher was 170 centimeters tall and had an averege build. Guess what he weighed?

Meat.

Why was FizzyTongue entering this contest?

To get a laugh. HA HA HA