Cosine(1) = 540 words
I wasn’t going to graduate. Ever.
I stood on the cliff edge, feeling the wind send careless fingers hearing the waves smash against the rocks some fifty meters below. A single tear traced down my cheek; I hardly noticed.
I had just come from my oncologist1 Dr. Mills’ office. He had told me I wasn’t going to graduate – my leukaemia had reached the final stages. My three years were up – I was at the blastic stage2.
“I’m so, so sorry, Taya. There’s nothing more we can do.” His blue eyes look at me with so much sympathy I nearly threw up.
My bottom lip trembled as I remembered Dr. Mills’ kind voice giving me the news that hit me harder than I’d ever been hit. I wanted to cry, but there were no more tears left; only a desolate, hopeless ache that nothing could cure. I screwed my hands into tight, tight fists. All my hard work...for nothing.
Suddenly I was angry. All the ‘sorry’s in the world wouldn’t cure my cancer. I screamed, long and loud, so mad. I smashed my fist into the rocky ground, kicked a rock as hard as I could. The pain felt good, kept me from thinking. I ripped grass up furiously, raked my nails down my arms, punched the ground again and again.
“No!” I shouted, screamed. My voice was hoarse. “No! NONONONO! I want to live!”
It couldn’t end like this! It couldn’t! I was sobbing, tears I didn’t know I had streaming down my face. I felt like flinging myself over the cliff and letting the stormy waters claim me. Time seemed to stretch on endlessly, unrelenting. Bitterness, fury, loss, pain and loneliness swamped me. I was dying.
I screamed, my voice raw, no words only sound. I was on my knees, my fists bleeding, my arms bleeding, my knees red. Crimson spatters surrounded me and all I was aware of was the bitter, bitter taste of defeat.
And then warm, strong arms were around me, pulling me up, crushing me against a strong, warm chest. A voice, achingly familiar, was whispering in my ear. I cried harder than I ever had before, shaking, my body wracked with tears.
“Tay, oh my gosh.” It was him, it was Chris. “Oh Taya.” I didn’t have to look up – I knew the handsome features by heart. His arms were still holding me tight and I wanted to curl up in them and sleep and never wake up.
Gradually my sobs slowed, reduced to a few hiccups. I knew I looked a mess, with my mascara running in streaks down my face, mingled with the tears, my eyes red and puffy. My head was wet from Chris’s own tears, and I screwed my eyes shut. Even with him I felt so alienated, so different and misunderstood.
“I-I’m n-n-not going to gr-graduate,” I mumbled.
“I was told.” Chris’s voice was soft and trembling as he rested his head on mine. “But we all have to die sometime.”
“I guess.”
“Stay strong, Tay. I love you,” he murmured, and I started silently crying all over again.
I wasn’t going to graduate. Ever.
1 a doctor who specializes in cancer treatment
2 The final stages of leukaemia
That was exactly 540 words =) Sorry if that was a little too raw...