Writing contest for my Black Ezahni. :D


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Caya

10:16pm Jun 20 2010 (last edited on 8:56pm Jun 23 2010)

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I am willing to pay 300k or more, (a) pet(s) from my rancher shop or showroom(that I say is okay for you to take.), and ten random eggs from my hatchery for a nice piece of writing for my pet.
 
Deion:
Name: Natari
Species: Ezahni
Color: Black
Gender: Female
Personality: She is shy and good-hearted. She loves her owner and despite her quietness, she will fight to protect her partner--me--from any harm.
 
So that's it. Come up with something nice. :D I will end this when there is a fair amount of entries.



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3mm4

2:49am Jun 21 2010 (last edited on 2:49am Jun 21 2010)

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Black in color, gold at heart. Natari is brave, sweet and loving.

Hope that meets the requirments, lol. Good luck =D




gothicshadow111

5:40am Jun 21 2010

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So a deion of Natari?
Caya

9:46am Jun 21 2010

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Lol. xD Thanks 3mm4.
 
Gothic: I guess. You could so pretty much anything. A story, a poem, etc. 



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gothicshadow111

10:02am Jun 21 2010

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Ok... I wanna do something, I just don'y know what. For now, I'll do an Acrostic

Not only wonderful, she is

Also wise and respected.

Tremendous at creativity

Acting, dancing, art.

Refined. People think of her as

Inspiring as they watch her gracefully dance.

 

Lol, that's wierd.

I'll do another soon, If I can think of anything =p 

Caya

10:09am Jun 21 2010

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Not exactly what I was looking for. I'd like it to be something long with large deive words. A story would be nice. Like a deion of what it felt as she hatched and the enchantment as she locked eyes with her owner and knew they'd never part.
There's an idea. x3
Or just come up with a different idea for a story.
A poem would be nice as well, a long one.



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Caya

10:10am Jun 21 2010

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The Tu prize has doubled! :D



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Life

11:27am Jun 21 2010

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The egg shining in the spotlight, sitting on the velvet pillow on a small table. The moonlight shone into my the room through the window behind me. All was quiet, peaceful, and nothing was there to interrupt the making of our strong bonds, one thread at a time weaving through my mind and the infant that lay within the egg. I looked at the egg with longing eyes and pictured the two of us, the majestic old green ezahni which has stood by me from the day it was born,  flipping through faded pictures of his first moments, parties, and that time would be exactly like this one. I looked at the clock. Only half a minute had gone. The egg sat still and quiet, unlike the other eggs I have hatched which show signs of life even before they are ready to be hatched. What if this egg was dormant? I thought, frightened thoughts overflowed as I thought about the innocent ezahni, dead and cold, even before he could see the moon, the sky, the earth, the world. I buried my face in my hands and breathed deeply, I had to get these horrendous thoughts out of my mind. What was I thinking?

I calmed down and carressed the egg like how a mother strokes her baby's cheeks, lovingly, tenderly, at that moment i felt nothing could tear us apart. The egg jolted, giving me a fright, a fright which turned into joy soon after, when a pair of huge amber eyes interlocked with mine. Sitting bewildered, it trembled in the cold wind, it's wet, reddish black mane sticking to his fur. I took him into my arms and held him close to my chest, his heart beating against mine, in unison, together as one. The bond we had forged just a matter of seconds ago turned into reality. I looked down at the baby, which had so quickly drifted off to sleep, exhausted from hatching out of it's egg. I reached for the velvet pillow, removed the broken egg shell and placed the baby black ezahni gently onto the pillow, careful not to wake him up. I opened the drawer and fished out a golden collar, the one i had been saving for so long. I knew, i just knew that he was rightful owner of my golden collar. Everybody, is *censored*igned truckloads of bronze and silver collars, but only one gold collar, which can never be removed.

I used my swiss army knife to carve out his name, carefully, line by line I exerted much strength to carve his name permanently into the shining solid gold. And there was the collar, soo carefully and lovingly etched into a once empty and plain golden collar. The buckle snapped open, and i lifted his head and clicked the collar on as softly as possible. I smiled to myself, and whispered, "what a beautiful baby" to myself. I lifted him off the velvet pillow and tucked him into my bed, under the soft, warm quilt, hand-knitted by my mother. He slept so soundly, so peacefully, his chest moving up and down gently, his mane no longer wet and soft like fine threads of silk. Tears welled up in my eyes, glad that the little baby had made it into this world alive, and this little baby i will bring with me and share my happiest memories with. I stroked his head tenderly, lovingly, and whispered goodnight, before dragging an old mattress out onto the floor to sleep, not wanting to disturb his dreams.

The moonlight shone into the room in a straight ray, splashing his collar with moonlight. "Natari," i read, "Natari" 

Life

11:28am Jun 21 2010

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okay that was long.
Caya

12:06pm Jun 21 2010 (last edited on 1:14pm Jun 21 2010)

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That's awesome! But one problem,  Natari's a female. x3 And I was curious, what is the golden collar idea?



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fizzyizze

12:56pm Jun 21 2010

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I'm going to write a small story, if that's alright. I might have to post it somewhere else, I don't wanna screw up this forum up ;D Okay, so expect something from me! :D



Caya

1:10pm Jun 21 2010

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Thanks Fizzy. :)



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Jess

2:56pm Jun 21 2010

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If its okay I'd love to write a story :D




Caya

3:16pm Jun 21 2010

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That'd be great Jess. Thanks. :)



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rainbow12

3:57pm Jun 21 2010 (last edited on 3:25pm Jun 22 2010)

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IT lay on a golden pillow in the clouds, it was an egg, a nice untouched Ezahni egg. So precious and loved but still untouched. The moonlight showed down on it, looking down on the little creature. The egg was still, then the moonight still fixed on the silent gentle egg, moved. The moonlight moved, centered around a small crack. It was a spotlight on the tiniest crack. The silent untouched egg moved a little bit. Barely noticable. But i noticed. Then the egg moved again, the moonlight moving with it. Then it stopped moving, egg and all. My heart pounced. Then a small, small, tini wini voice from inside the touched speaking egg murmured mommy. My heart let out a sigh. IT was still alive. Then is swayed, once more. This time swaying a little faster, then a little faster, and a little faster. The moonlight had focused ALL AROUND the gentle egg. It seemed not to care where it was cracking. Since it was cracking everywhere! My eyes were buldging hearts! This was the last egg! The egg swayed rapidly cracking and moving. Some hair popped up in the egg through a crack. Then a foot and a snout. Soon half the body was out. And i was happier then ever before. SHE was my beauty! Then, the small Ezahni emerged. It was a black beauty, so gentle, so female, so precious. And i was black, a  wonder or a hatch. So tender. She opened her eyes to look at me (me is caya). I held her in my arms. Strocked her like a mother does to a baby, with tender love and care. I kised her on the cheek once. Then i kissed her lips so happy to have her in my arms. Her tender main brushing over my finger tips. Her lips puckered like a kiss. i could tell she kissed me back. Her eyes so oval and sweet. Thats when the name came to me, Natari. A sweet brave ezahni. So wonderful to be around. "NATARI" i tried it out. She moved at attention. I think natari was made to be her name. I said ti again. She moved this time slower. She is a shy,  loving and magical creature. Maybe a magical being from the sky. A wonder of how she could be so shy and sweet but yet so protective. Her eyes flashed. Her black eye lashes opened once more to revele her eyes. Her markings were so pretty, and wonderful i could not help but brush a gentle hand against them. 

Then the day came when Natari ran. She ran across the green field. So graceful and dependable. Her feet like wings, they never touched the ground, or it seemed that way. Then she stood up on two hooves (he hind 2 hooves) and cooed her velvet song. At that moment i knew Natari was someone i would never let go of. I knew such a filly would never let me go, or let me slip from her life at all. She bravely galluped around the meadow, leaving a wonderful golden dust wherever she went. Then she came to me and brushed up against my knee and whispered caya. What a wonderful sound it was, how dreamy her voice was, how wonderful it felt to be loved once more, to be protected and watched with gentle round eyes was a wonderful feeling. An undescribeable feeling. a GREAT feeling. Natari was amazing at everything she did. Her smile so heart warming, even if i was upset, Natari knew how to cheer me up. I think, she was magic. She had to be i was not dreaming that whle time. But i knew Natari was a dream, a dream friend most people never get close to having.  

Caya

4:33pm Jun 21 2010 (last edited on 4:33pm Jun 21 2010)

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Good, accept a stallion is a male, adult horse. As an adult Natari would be a mare, but she is still a baby so she'd be a filly, which is a young female horse. ;)



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rainbow12

4:52pm Jun 21 2010

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okay, i'll fix it
rainbow12

4:53pm Jun 21 2010

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and rate it 1/10
Caya

7:17pm Jun 21 2010

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I don't like rating stuff, in case I make people feel bad. :P
But I'll do it. I am very critical, just warning you.
 
I'd say, 6/10. It could use more deion and detail about the hatch, etc.
 
Update: 
 
 
 Here's an example. I wrote this: (Yeah I entered my own contest. x3)
 
The moonlight shown down ever so brightly on the enchanting egg. It lay motionless, the clock ticked just above it on the wall. 55, 54, 53...the seconds seemed like hours to me as the cold sweat ran down my cheeks. 50, 49, 48, 47. The egg was oddly cool and still. No sudden jerks or sounds as the seconds narrowed lower, lower. 30, 29, 28, 27, 26. I cried as I thought of the possible fate of the helpless body inside, cold and still. 20, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15. I touched the egg, and pulled back my hand instantly. The egg was immensely powerful, yet from just one touch I could tell the creature inside was strong with a true heart, but still small and helpless. Love and loyalty was its power. 3, 2, 1. Nothing. I counted again, 3, 2, 1! Still, nothing. The egg was late. I burst into tears. I knew this meant the egg was dormant. I cradled the egg and sat on the couch. Thinking of the wonders that could have come from it. Thinking, what if it was all my fault? I killed it. I did something wrong. Suddenly I screeched as the egg turned so hot, it could have burst into flames. I dropped it on the couch and got to my feet, staring at the egg suspiciously. Something wasn't right here, the egg still had life. It lit up brightly and just as fast as it was alive it went quiet again. Finally there was a jerk and kick from inside. A crack opened up in the side and the small, limp body fell out onto the floor. The strange thing was, its body was jet black with a blood red mane and stockings. It lifted its small delicate head and locked eyes with mine. In those few seconds we connected. It was almost magical, like everything I knew was transfered through that stare. Like the newborn knew now everything I did and nothing was a secret. We were meant for each other. She is my lifelong partner, my loyal friend. Suddenly the creatu stood. With no problem like any other baby would have. It stood proudly and cantered to my side and curled around my legs. I laid on the ground next to it and it nipped my hair playfully. That night was enchanting. I went to bed with the creatu at my heels. "Natari" I thought, "I'll name her Natari". She curled on a straw bed that I had made the night before.
 
 
So as you can see, that needs work, it's just a rough draft.
 
So I want you guys to make it better. Of course you can't copy my writing. This is an example of Natari's personality, etc.
You don't even have to write a story on the hatch, you can write it something completely different, like when she's an adult Ezahni or something.



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MilliniumFalconDriver

7:19pm Jun 21 2010

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I'll write one. Can I rmail you the end result? :3
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