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4:37pm Feb 6 2012
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[[YESIDO. <3]] Oh great. Now she was being even more confusing. God, this was so exasperating. Could she not just answer my question? If she would just explain simply to me how I was meant to 'not bottle things up', then I could do it. If not, I was pretty much screwed.
''Huh...? You're not... Being controlling. Just... Tell me how I'm supposed to express myself, and I'll try.''
By this point, any clarity there had been was completely gone, and I was now completely and totally confused.
Well now. I should... Probably put something intelligent here. At some point. Eventually.
...
... Screw it. HYE. ♥
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4:45pm Feb 6 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 7,283
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[[If I didn't love my banner so much, I'd be asking for one that said 'I love Sanctus' a million times.
And Dan will be jealous. I know it. ]]
I looked at Sanctus with my eyebrows furrowed. Didn't I explain it too him?
"You were doing it, Sanctus. Then I told you how to do it right, when you were already doing it right; which was why I was apologizing. Talking to someone shouldn't be a process or something I tell you, you are doing wrong." I couldn't help but laugh at the situation before adding, "There's no 'way' to let it out. You just talk to someone. Tell them your issues so they're not inside of you, for only you to know."
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4:49pm Feb 6 2012
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[[ROFLMAO. Yes, Dan will be jealous. |D
Ohohoh. I'll see if I can get my scanner to work to show you the pic I did of him. 8D]] I groaned, my head feeling like it was going to explode. This was just getting worse and worse. I didn't have any issues- at least, not any im[injection]portant ones- that needed talking about.
She was just being incredibly confusing, and I found myself wondering what could possibly be going on in her mind.
I held my head in my hands, giving a small laugh along with her.
''You are the most confusing person I have ever met, y'know that?'' I straightened up again, and looked back to her.
''I don't have any issues. What is an issue, anyway? If it's just something that irritates me, that's pretty much everything but you. So... Yeah. I don't have any 'issues'.''
Well now. I should... Probably put something intelligent here. At some point. Eventually.
...
... Screw it. HYE. ♥
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4:54pm Feb 6 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 7,283
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[[ Please do. O_O ]]
I cocked my head to the side, the confusion only increasing. "No an issue is like a problem. You have a problem, Sanctus."
I said, my tone desperate for him to understand.
"For one, your keeping your feelings about your mother inside. Two, you didn't tell me much about your dad, so I guess your holding onto things there. No one at school talks to you, so that pain probably is more issues - problems - inside..."
I finished, hoping this was at least helping him a little bit.
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5:01pm Feb 6 2012
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I thought things were beginning to get just a little bit clearer, but I didn't feel pain from having little contact with other people. At least, not any more. On that much, at least, she was wrong.
''Well, if that's all it is, okay. I guess I can talk if you want.''
I shrugged, wondering which part of my family she would like to hear about first.
''My family used to be 'perfect', until my mom died. She was... The center of everything, and we just kind of revolved around that. She died in a car crash that happened while my dad was at the wheel when I was about four, and my dad just sort of... crashed after that. He held on for about a year or two, but after that he just got worse.''
I wondered if I should let on to some of the things he'd done before, but... It was probably best to keep just that much hidden.
''Right now, he's pretty much a hopeless drunk. I'm pretty sure he's been on drugs too, but I'm not one hundred percent.'' I left it at that, figuring she'd probably have heard enough.
''Is that how you're meant to do it?'' I asked, referring to this 'issue' thing.
Well now. I should... Probably put something intelligent here. At some point. Eventually.
...
... Screw it. HYE. ♥
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5:08pm Feb 6 2012
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Finally those walls were being broken. Either that, or he wasn't as hidden as I thought. "Exactly."
I said, surprisingly, I smiled at him; even after what he told me.
[[ >>>>>> FAIL. <<<<<<< ]]
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5:10pm Feb 6 2012
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[[Lololol. Notfail, CHeese. THIS is fail~]] ''Good. So. Is that it?'' I asked, not really feeling any happier about anything.
If anything at all, I was starting to edge on feeling depressed. Those weren't things I particularly liked to talk about, but I smiled back at her anyway.
Well now. I should... Probably put something intelligent here. At some point. Eventually.
...
... Screw it. HYE. ♥
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5:15pm Feb 6 2012
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Posts: 7,283
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"Well, yeah." I said, glad that he was smiling at me more. "You look good when you smile, Sanctus. You should do it more often."
It was crazy really, for me to say something like that. I wasn't even thinking when I did, but he needed something to boost his ego.
[[ Lolololololololololol, we're so weird. |D ]]
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5:20pm Feb 6 2012
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I bl[injection]inked at her, wondering what in the hell was wrong with her. I might not have known much, but one thing I did know was that I never looked good.
''Whatever you say. By the way, I don't feel any different now than I did before. If anything, I'm feeling depressed now. It doesn't really seem worth it to me, explaining all that for no difference.''
I shrugged, wondering why she would say I looked good when I smiled. Maybe it was just her way of making me smile more or something. [[Yes we are. Btw, Ty has to go bed soon, so prepare for sudden poofing. Dx]]
Well now. I should... Probably put something intelligent here. At some point. Eventually.
...
... Screw it. HYE. ♥
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5:24pm Feb 6 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 7,283
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[[ Thanks for killing me on the inside. x_x ]]
I sighed, mumbling a small, "You really are unbelievable..."
I said before standing up from the stool and going back to the seat. It was a bit more comfortable. "I guess it's one of those things where you can't just state facts, but say how you feel. Like, you told me about your dad. But, how do you feel about it? That sort of thing..."
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5:32pm Feb 6 2012
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[[You're welcome. c:]] ''This seems like a really complex process...'' I said softly, talking more to myself than to her.
''I don't feel anything about it. It's the way things are. There was once a time when I wondered why it was my father was different to other people's dads, why he would come home sometimes barely able to stand, but I just don't bother any more. It's easier if you just... Stop caring.''
I shrugged, not really knowing myself when exactly I'd stopped caring. It was probably when I was around eight or nine, but I wasn't sure.
Well now. I should... Probably put something intelligent here. At some point. Eventually.
...
... Screw it. HYE. ♥
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5:34pm Feb 6 2012
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Unbelievable. You'd think it would be easier to have someone express their feelings. But, no, Sanctus chose to be difficult once again. "Well... There has to be feelings down there somewhere. What... What about your mom?" I hesitated on the question, ready to tell him not to talk about it if he didn't want too, if he hesitated back.
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5:41pm Feb 6 2012
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I paused for a moment. My mother was perhaps the only thing that still held a little bit of care, a little love, in my heart anymore. I didn't like speaking about her because, to put it quite simply, I didn't like the out-of-control feeling I got, not being able to stop my emotions like I usually was.
''... I guess there are some feelings. I don't like them, but they're there.''
I was facing her, but looking more... through her, rather than at her.
''I was young when she died, so I never really... got to know her, but I still... I miss her, even though I never really knew her.'' I looked down, swallowing the lump in my throat before continuing.
''I've found myself wondering more than once what things would have been like if she was still alive. If I'd get on with her, if she'd like me as much as I remember...''
I trailed off, not bringing my gaze back up to her, trying to block out the memories that came fresh.
Well now. I should... Probably put something intelligent here. At some point. Eventually.
...
... Screw it. HYE. ♥
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5:46pm Feb 6 2012
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My heart ached as he spoke, wondering why I had even asked. It only made me feel worse, and him not any better. "I'm sorry."
I said again, for getting him to talk about it.
[[Writers block. -_- ]]
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5:49pm Feb 6 2012
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[[Dun worry. :3 But, at this rate, you're gonna make him cry. |D]] I wasn't aware she had spoken, my eyes not following her words.
I was too distracted with the last memory of her that replayed over and over in my head, shaking up my mind and confusing my thoughts. Of all the memories I had of her, that was the only one I wanted gone. [[Stupid infectious wood. ;c]]
Well now. I should... Probably put something intelligent here. At some point. Eventually.
...
... Screw it. HYE. ♥
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5:53pm Feb 6 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 7,283
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[[Wood? O_O ]]
"Sanctus?" I said, cocking my head to the side slightly as I wondered what was wrong. It was then that I remembered that he couldn't even hear my voice. So, I could call him as much as I want, and he wouldn't notice. Sitting up once again from the seat, I walked over to the stool, and put my hand over top his own. "You alright?"
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5:58pm Feb 6 2012
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[[... Yes. Writer's block. Block= Block o' Wood. o 3o]] I was jolted out of my memory by Dawn's light touch on my hand.
''Huh? Oh... Yeah, I... I'm fine.''
My voice was quiet, though, and not nearly as steady as I would have liked. I didn't like showing any kind of vulnerability at all, and it was exactly what I was doing then.
''Sorry about... Getting distracted like that.''
Well now. I should... Probably put something intelligent here. At some point. Eventually.
...
... Screw it. HYE. ♥
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5:59pm Feb 6 2012
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Posts: 7,283
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[[... Oh dear. ]]
I shrugged, showing that it was no big deal. "What were you thinking about?"
I asked, guessing it was about his mom.
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6:13pm Feb 6 2012
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[[What? o 3o]] I wondered how to explain it. That look in her eyes... The way she'd looked at me, and then... Through me.
I could never explain it to the effect at which I saw it every time I thought about her, but I could try to at least get her to understand just a little.
''I woke up after the crash and there was blood all over her. She had been sat in the passenger seat next to me, and the other car had gone straight into that side, so... I guess... I guess she got the worst of it.''
I paused, remembering it as vividly as if it had been yesterday.
''I remember undoing my seatbelt and going over to her, and there was metal digging into her stomach, torn from the side of the car... I... I called out to her, but she... She never answered.''
Again, I stopped, unsure of how to continue. I looked down, my hair falling in front of my eyes.
''Her eyes... I kept calling her name. I didn't know then to call an ambulance, before it was too late... Her eyes stayed open, but after a few minutes, the life in them... The light that made her my mom... It just disappeared. Her eyes went dead, and I stopped saying her name, stopped shaking her shoulder... I just... Waited for her light to come back...''
I was completely silent after that, and to my shame I felt tears sting my eyes. Despite doing my best not to let them spill out, a tear did get past and rolled down my cheek, dripping onto the bed.
I was suddenly greatful she couldn't see my eyes.
Well now. I should... Probably put something intelligent here. At some point. Eventually.
...
... Screw it. HYE. ♥
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6:23pm Feb 6 2012
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Normal User
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[[TWOHUNDREDTHPOSTTHAT'SWHAT. ]]
Oh, why did I make him talk? Why would I have him talk about something so painful, just for both of us to feel the ache of it? I didn't know what to say. I had no soothing words to appease his heart ache, or words of comfort to show I cared. All I had was my arms. I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his neck, not knowing how he'd react. Honestly, I didn't really care.
[How can Paradise not see his eyes? O_O ]]
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