When he gestured for me to sit in one of the chairs, I felt a bit hesitant at taking him up on the offer. Would he wait for me to sit down, then attack? I shuddered at the thought; choosing not to sit down.
But, as he spoke, I felt the need too. Maybe it was because I felt more comfortable with him now that he was able to be truthful.
Unless he was lieing.
I shook that thought out of my mind as I slid into the porch seat. It was much more comfortable then I suspected, so I leaned back in the chair; my head back also. Like a child listening to a fairytale during bedtime, I listened in fascination as Alex spoke.
So I really was wrong about him. There was still the fact that he could be lieing about the whole thing. Just waiting for me to be vulnerable, and then 'do his thing'.
Kill me.
But there was something about the way he looked at me, something about his ex
pression.
I wouldn't bet my life on him lieing, because it seemed so far fetch when I stared at him.
"Oh..."
I know I sounded stupid but I was just at a loss for words.
"I'm sorry."
I added quietly, looking at my hands. Those questions came back to my head, and I couldn't suppress the urge.
"So, your saying you've never hurt anyone before?"
Hopefully I was right.

He flinched away from her gaze and instead looked to his right to watch the freshly fallen snow, eyes burning their wolfish amber as memories flooded through him, but he knew he wouldn't change. He was oddly at peace. He spoke in a hushed voice, still not believing that Paradise had taken his story quite so easily; he was a monster.

"I was young when I was turned and had no control over the change at first. Instead of just changing at the moon, I changed at every flash of anger, anything that raised my pulse too high. Yes, Paradise, I've hurt people." He set his amber eyes back on her and shook his head sadly. "I live every day of my life knowing what I've done."

"And I'm not asking for you to understand. I don't want anyone to know about this. Some of the older folks in town knew who my dad really was; a werewolf hunter, and they can't know. I could never do that to my father, even though he's dead." He rested his head against the back of his chair, clear exhaustion from the night sweeping over him. He breathed out a tired sigh.

Alex has made me think he was a monster. He has frightened me. Had me running so hard that I was still sweating and tired, and gave me a headache.
And, now here I was, feeling like I stole his privacy. His space. Like I was the one in the wrong here.
It seemed like he would have been better off not telling me anything. Just nudging me back on the path to my house and rejecting me. And yet, instead, he said everything that was on his mind - from what it seemed, of course. He could always be hiding something. - like I deserved to know everything.
If you really think about it, I didn't deserve one thing from him. He did nothing to me. Other then make me run a quarter of a mile to get him...
I watched him, silently for a long moment. She was still speechless from the whole conversation.
"Don't you get lonely here? All by yourself?"
I asked, though worried about his answer. I was starting to regret being so curious. Regret even running after him. Again, I didn't deserve to hear any of this. I was just being nosy; sometimes that wasn't a great trait to have.

Alex paused midway through a yawn at the question Paradise asked. He forced himself to straighten in his seat, but he felt lightheaded from exhaustion and leaned back again. He thought of the hours he spent sleeping after being a wolf all night, thought of the few hours he got to himself and how he would usually stay from town. Nothing was there for him anymore, he led himself to believe that.

He thought of the best way to answer the question, still unsure himself. He merely accepted it. "Sometimes," he began slowly. "I don't have much time to be lonely, but I guess you can say it's painful to be in this house sometimes. I don't have much free time because of how tired I am all the time," he responded, cracking a smile as he blinked sleepily at her.

"But I guess it's for the best. I can't harm anyone like this."

As before, Alex's response had left me speechless for some time. It made me wonder how he could still act a bit sane - while being by himself so much. Maybe that was why he talked to me at the park. Everyone wants to talk to somebody once in a while.
"Does it hurt? I mean, the... Eh... Change?"
I asked, fingers twiddling anxiously for the answer.
"Sorry I'm asking you so much. I'm keeping you up, when your obviously tired."
I whispered to myself scoldingly, then sat up; feeling lightheaded from the events that had happened.
"I shouldn't even be getting so nosy. Maybe I should just go."
I said with a gesture from my hand. As my feet reluctantly walked down the stairs to the porch, I forgot to say the one thing I wanted Alex to know.
I turned around and stared at him for a long moment, once again. I kept doing that with him. I guessed it was because I was so...
Amazed by him.
"I won't tell anyone about any of this, Alex."
I said just loud enough for him to hear, though still quietly. It was then that I realized how big his house was. He lived all alone - in this mansion?
I backed up a bit to see the full hieght, jaw to the floor in shock.
"Wow."
I whispered to myself with amazement.

I don't know why, but I felt a heavy disappointment burden my shoulders as he agreed that I should go. It was one thing for me to leave without being told too...
But, knowing that he wanted me to leave completely changed my view. Maybe it was just my personality, but I tended to always want to do what people didn't want me doing.
And, I never wanted to do what people wanted me to do.
Grinding my teeth, I glanced behind me at the mansion - more importantly, where Alex lived.
Something told me I'd be here again. And, I knew it was the stubborn side of me saying this.
I kept my stride to a walk, since I was too tired from the running I had done that day. It was then that something dawned on me.
What would I say to my dad when he asks why I was out longer then he expected?
I scoffed. Of course. He probably expected me to go to the park for five minutes, and then come back.
I'm going to have to prove myself to some people some day.

[[/Fail. ]]

[[Up.]]

--time skip. :o--

Alex woke with a start, eyes burning amber at the nightmare that had woken him. Claws ripping and tearing through flesh, Paradise horrified as she watched nearby. He sighed and released the side of the couch he didn't know he had been gripping so tightly. He shook out his bedhead and raked his fingers through his hair as he stood from the couch.

His stomach growled and he rubbed the last of sleep from his eyes as he made his way to the kitchen, which took a lot longer than it should have given the circumstances of how big the house was. He grabbed some milk from the fridge, along with a couple of powerbars, and a few Reeses Peanut Butter cups that he kept cold. They were his favorite treat and after bad nights, he'd always allow himself the measly bit of happiness.

He chomped happily on the powerbar. He had seen the date circled on his calendar and his hazel eyes were brimming with joy. Tonight was the night of the new moon and the moonlight would fail to make him turn. He sighed in peace and flicked on his tv. He would go out tonight, but he would make sure to stay away from the park and the coffee shop. He only hoped Paradise wouldn't come back to the mansion, but part of him hoped she would, too.

Last night was a very long, miserable night. I couldn't sleep. Lately, I haven't been sleeping, but this time it wasn't because of my bitter thoughts and issues about my mother.
It was because of Alex's issues, instead.
For some reason, I couldn't help but wonder how he could stay alone all the time. Of course it was better for everyone else, but did he really deserve such a punishment?
Did he ever get a break from that curse?
I lifted myself from my bed, not even feeling the floor before me.
I wondered what he was doing right now, at this moment.
Was there one unfortunate soul walking around past midnight? Did he hurt them?
Or was he still staring at the cieling in his bedroom this morning, feeling lonely? Maybe, when no one was around, he even cried.
Maybe he liked it that way. Maybe he slept fine last night; used to being so forlorn.
I wasn't alone and yet I didn't sleep a bit.
I walked by my mirror, and saw bags under my eyes as I left my room. I didn't really care.
My father wasn't here today. Maybe he had work. I didn't care about that either.
Honestly, I was having a problem with not caring about anything other then the fact that a monster was all by himself, and for some reason it was bothersome to me.
I was worried about Alex.
And, I wanted to see him again.
I grabbed a bowl, spoon, random cereal - I didn't care what kind it was. -, and milk. After making myself the bowl of cereal, I stood by the sink and stared out the window. Again, a thought rang in my head.
What was he doing right now?
I kept staring, and saw someone pull up in the driveway.
I almost heaved.
My mother.
I poured the cereal down the sink, slipped on my flip flops - I didn't care about the weather. My brother will be my mothers company. I refused to. - and ran out the back door.
Maybe that visit to Alex could be earlier then I had planned.

Alex quickly became bored of the television, but he forced himself to watch reruns of old cartoons for a sense of normalcy to his otherwise whacked up life. After about an hour, he finally gave in to his anxiousness and turned the television off. He stretched his arms and yawned before clapping his hands against his knees and standing up from the couch.

He popped a whole Reeses into his mouth and grinned to himself at the sweet flavor that rolled on his taste buds. He opened his fridge, something that he kept impossibly stocked all the time because of all of the meats downstairs in the freezer where the food kept for months.

He pulled out a packet of chicken he had defrosted over the course of two days and decided on making himself a celebratory dinner tonight; he'd made it another month without killing anyone. Of course, things had gone to a rather swift when talking turn of events, but he half hoped it would breeze by. He liked normalcy, organization, no matter how hard it was to keep.

He slapped the chicken down on a cutting board and sighed when he poked it with a knife, the interior of the chicken still hard from not having defrosted. Humming to himself, he stuck the pieces in a Ziploc bag and filled the sink up with cold water. He stuck that in there and leaned against his counter, trying and failing to not feel lonely.

I retraced my steps from yesterday and after wandering around for what felt like hours, I finally came to the house I was last night.
The house that could probably fit 3 families. Yet only had one person inside.
Sneaking through the back was a good idea, because my mother never saw me once I was gone. All I had to do was jump the fence, and I was in someone else's court. And, then I found my way from there.
And, now I stood right infront of the porch. The porch where I was last night.
Where I learned so much more about Alex.
I all of a sudden felt very anxious about moving forward. Was he still asleep? Was he busy? Did he truly not want me here? Did he think I was being too nosy?
Was he... Hunting?
I swallowed hard and finally started for the front door. My hands shaking violently, I finally had the presence of mind to knock. It was very soft at first. I doubted he heard it. So I did it much louder. It made my whole hand throb since it was freezing from the weather. It was then that I realized that my toes were numb, too. I was also wearing pajamas still! I didn't even do anything with my hair; I can't even imagine what it looked like right now. My face was probably pale from the weather, and from lack of sleep; eyes blood shot. I probably looked worse then a decomposing corpse. I shuddered at the thought.
 He probably thought I was a nutcase.
What if I had woken him?
I did a small groan. What if he was angry that I had woken him? What if I had interrupted something important?
I waited nervously for his answer, expecting an angry ex
pression once he saw who was knocking at his door.

He heard her approach the steps and for a moment, he froze. Because of his wolf side, he had heightened hearing and higher physical capabilities other than normal humans. She knocked softly against the door and he turned slightly to peer from the kitchen to the hallway and finally, to the door. The rooms in the mansion were high-cieling'd and provided a lot of noise to bounce around the building.

He couldn't detach himself from the edge of the counter, fingers frozen on the corner of the table. The nightmare from last night overrode him and he winced, releasing the counter from his tightened hands. He shook his head in a very canid-like gesture before opening the fridge and grabbing another Reeses; that calmed him a little.

He took a bite from a cup before setting it down on the counter and making his way to the front door. He opened the door a crack and met her scent before he actually saw her. Mustering up his best cold gaze and stony face, he opened the door all the way and slouched against the doorframe. "What are you doing here?" he asked, though a bit of surprise leaked in through the question.

This was what I expected. His stern voice and glaring eyes pointed at me. I know he didn't want me here...
So why did I feel so disappointed when he did exactly as I expected?
"I..."
Why was I here, again?
Oh, yeah. My mom. I crossed my arms and stared back at his cold eyes, showing that I wasn't leaving.
"I don't really know..."
I mumbled, pursing my lips. There wasn't a true explaination. I could have went anywhere when my mom came into my view - I just decided to go to Alex.
Maybe it was for security, though I'd never admit that to him.
That pang of disappointment was what brought my attitude in this next comment.
"You're alone all the time, and yet going to reject the one person that wants to come in?"
I didn't mean to make my tone sound so... Fiesty, but he caught me off guard. For some reason, I was hoping for a smile of some kind when he saw me. Some kind of happiness in his ex
pression.

Alex ran one hand through his dark brown hair and closed his eyes, all sense of tiredness from the boy yesterday gone. He listened to what Paradise had to say and everything she said was true, even the question at the end. He grimaced and placed his hands in his pockets, shutting the door behind him and stepping out onto the porch.

"Look. It's not that I don't want you here, Paradise. I told you last night that I don't let anyone into my life because I hurt them. The more time I spend with them, the more my...wolf self hones in on the target and thirsts for their blood," he said bitterly, but he knew he had to tell her.

"Don't be foolish. Just stay away," he said stiffly and crossed his arms over his chest, but he made no move to go inside. He couldn't.

I don't care what kind of explaination he had.
If he was literally telling me to leave...
He must be some idiot.
Or I must be really annoying.
I would have smirked to myself about how true that probably was, but I was too irritated at his answer.
"I'm not leaving."
I mumbled, crossing my arms tighter and looking down. Where else could I go? I wasn't going home, it was freezing, my body was numb and shivering from the cold...
My mom was at my house. My bitter arguementive mom.
I needed to feel safe and whether Alex liked it or not, he was my target.
"Please, Alex."
I pleaded, looking up at him.
"Please, just let me come in. You don't have to... Talk to me. I just..."
I was about to add, 'I just don't want to be at my house.', but I didn't need him questioning me.
"Please?"
I asked again. He'll crack. I'll press all day until he's frozen solid if I have too. Sooner or later he'll let me in.

"Paradise," he said doubtfully, drawing out the end of her name in a sigh which could have sounded like a hiss. He rubbed his cheek with the palm of his hand and held his temples with his fingers for a moment. Her scent was already stored to memory, her face already commited to his thoughts. Though whatever sane, human part of him was left and screaming at him to keep her safe, he opened the door again.

He turned back to her and placed his hands on her freezing shoulders. He kept his gaze even with hers. "I can't promise that I'll keep you safe from myself. You could die, Paradise." With that, he pulled back and stepped into his house, but kept the door open for her.

//fail post. :c

[[Did you mean 'her shoulders'? DDDD: ]]

[[ -lurks- Shadow-chan... O-O ]]