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2:22pm Oct 25 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 2,503
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Oh jeez. I hate myself. I hate how I hate myself! I see all these inspiring things about loving yourself no matter what, but I can't.... oh there are so many things. So, so many things. So many things I can't explain.
...
I hate crying. I cry So so so much. I hate crying! It's silly, I feel like a baby. Ugh. And then I cant see out of my glasses. sigh... ugh.
 psalm 103:12 |-/ |
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8:14pm Oct 27 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 165
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For some reason, I've started to get scared of getting in trouble. Also, I tend to assume people are mad at me when they aren't.
"Hello, this is... Mom Universe. Yes, the children are playing swords. Sorry, playing with swords. They\'re bleeding, oh noo they are dead. Don\'t call again. * click * Sorry I panicked"
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8:36pm Oct 27 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 2,503
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Same here. :I
psalm 103:12 |-/ |
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4:12pm Oct 28 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 655
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Loving yourself doesn't have to be about loving a perfect person. Everyone is flawed; some more so than others. Loving yourself is also loving the bad parts about yourself, and believing that you can improve, even if it takes time. Don't worry. :) Think of it this way - if you have someone else who loves you, whether it's a friend or a relative, then shouldn't that also be another reason to love yourself?
It's normal to suddenly be afraid of getting in trouble, or assuming people are angry at you when they're not. It means you're starting to grow up, and starting to be more aware and more thoughtful of the people and things around you. It might be a bit scary at first, but things will turn out alright in the end.
they/them/theirs :)
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5:48pm Nov 2 2012 (last edited on 6:20pm Nov 2 2012)
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Normal User
Posts: 337
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I have anger management. Opposite to Neomaemae, I be mad for no reason in particular and it's just blah. I'm this close to snapping at my counselor. All she says is take deep breathes among other useless techniques. It akes every ounce of strength not to do it though.
: )
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6:05pm Nov 2 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 3,163
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I seem to have lost quite a bit of my ability to trust after so many of the people who were are friends at our old church never contacted us after my dad stopped being pastor there. Also, though I am usually very happy spirited on the outside, the deaths of 2 grandfathers, 1 grandmother, and 1 great aunt have been a bit much to handle and sometimes I'll stare off into space at school after a test, and think about them as well as tear up a bit and i'm really pretty sad for much of the day, especially since im only 11.
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6:05pm Nov 2 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 3,163
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I seem to have lost quite a bit of my ability to trust after so many of the people who were are friends at our old church never contacted us after my dad stopped being pastor there. Also, though I am usually very happy spirited on the outside, the deaths of 2 grandfathers, 1 grandmother, and 1 great aunt have been a bit much to handle and sometimes I'll stare off into space at school after a test, and think about them as well as tear up a bit and i'm really pretty sad for much of the day, especially since im only 11.
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5:31pm Nov 7 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 733
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I'm so sorry I could never be the perfect little doll that just sits there, just like everyone seems to want me to do.
I'm sorry I have feelings. I'm sorry that when you don't stop when I've asked you multiple times to, I lash out at you when I've had enough, and then you go and blame everything on me. I'm sorry you were gone for so long and can't seem to fit in now. But that doesn't mean you have to take my one friend away from me because of it.
I hate myself for not being able to trust anyone, but whenever I start to trust someone, something always goes wrong, and I just end up worse off than before.
I hate myself for hating things about me, which just frustrates me to no end.
I'm sick of crying. Sick of losing everything I love. Sick of having no contact with the people, things, and places I still do. Two more weeks... two more weeks until I get a chance to recover.
---
Pepper, I wouldn't have changed you for the world, and I'm so sorry you had allergies that eventually got the better of you. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, so sorry that your life had to end the way it did. I hope you forgive me. I tried so hard, spent hours picking out individual pieces of food that I thought were safe for you to eat, and it wasn't a hassle, anything to help you get better. I'm so sorry it was all for nothing, I tried, I really did, I was even going to talk to the vet the next day.
Your enclosure has been in my room for four years, and now it's gone, and I don't know what to do. It's so empty in there now... I guess it's selfish of me to think like that. I didn't want you to suffer, but it hurt so much to lose you. R.I.P little girl, I hope you're comfortable now, playing on the bridge, and I'm sorry that's your life was nothing but chaos.
I hope you know I loved you.
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I'm just so sick of everything right now. I just want to be left alone for a bit, but I'm so accustom to putting on a fake smile, putting on a mask, that all but one of my friends can't seem to realize that I don't want them bothering me. I'm not a loud boisterous or smiley person... but to some people I give the impression that I am... and I guess I've been trying to be what other see me as more than myself. I love the few friends that I have, but I'm not the most social human, I admit, and none of my companions are exactly the quiet type, except for one, and she's not someone I would count as a friend. She constantly teases me for her own amusement, and always tries to exclude me, but gets in my face when I shrug her off, or push her off to the side for once. And she's coming between me and the only other friend I have that I get to see on a regular basis.
I just want a little break, time to think everything over that's happened in the past few weeks, and then I'll be fine, but it doesn't look like I'll be getting any sort of break anytime soon, or at least not for a couple of weeks, and right now, that seems like forever.
This post probably makes very minimal sense, but I really don't care, I just need to rant a bit right now.
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8:26pm Dec 16 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 4,656
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I hate myself because I have a stutter and a lisp. I hate myself because I dont like the same things my friends do.
Okay..... What ever floats ya goat
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3:51pm Dec 17 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 709
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Just because you havestutter and a lisp doesnt mean you should hate yourself. You should talk to people who suffer like you.If your friends dont like the same things you do maybe theres something else you like about them or they're really not your friends.
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9:16pm Dec 17 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 4,656
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Thanks, and I think that Daisuki means something in Japanese..
Okay..... What ever floats ya goat
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3:35pm Dec 18 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 709
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Daisuki means i love you or i like you/something it alot. I lived in japan for a year and know some japanese.
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4:59pm Dec 18 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 4,656
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I'm learning it at school
Okay..... What ever floats ya goat
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10:55am Dec 27 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 158
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I get too upset. I'll get mad at people when they hardly do anything to hurt me. I get angry at them then angry at myself then try to pretend nothing happened. It is a terrible, endless cycle.
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2:57pm Dec 27 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 2,503
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Gosh, the past few days I've really been losing it. My friend, fireofthephoinex on here left our church the day after Easter. It's been so long and lately she hasn't been contacting me, we're just drifting away...
...
I keep hearing 'Without You' on the radio. It just gets worse and worse. I try to think about something else, but we've been friends since we were 3 or 4, and I really don't want to lose her. She can sometimes have a hot temper and all but I love her to death. I don't know what to do anymore... I'm 10 and I shouldn't have to go through this!
psalm 103:12 |-/ |
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3:06pm Dec 27 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 4,744
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Aw, neo </3
I know what it feels like to loose a best friend. I've been losing the girl I gave my popularity and friends and basically life for four years, and she finally slipped away from me this year. She is now so caught up in popularity and friends that will leave her in the bl
ink of an eye, she forgot all about me.
The best thing to do is to try and remain neutral. You love her dearly, yes, but you cannot force someone to be your friend back. It may hurt a little bit at first, but if you have the mindset of "If she wants to come back she can, but I won't make anymore vain efforts to keep her with me," it will eventually hurt less. I've finally come to the realization Frances will never be my friend again, and if I had been trying to win her back I would have lost it. This way, if you do loose them in the end, you've already grasped they are practically already lost, and it isn't so devastating.
It will get better sweetheart, I promise <3
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3:23pm Dec 28 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 2,503
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Aw, thanks. But, you see, she doesn't want to go, she couldn't do anything about it.
But, yes, I'm not sure if she does want to come back anymore. She's a paranoid girl, and she has just given up hope it seems like.
But, gosh, you're so nice. That did help.
psalm 103:12 |-/ |
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3:38pm Dec 28 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 4,893
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I hate how progressively angry I have been during these last few months of the year.I'm easily set off. I realized that my patience and tolerance have decreased significantly and I don't know why. It has gotten so bad that I slammed a hole into one of the doors in the house.. I want to find a better way to vent my rage onto something else but I want to break something in the process. So just taking martial art classes, or punching some bag, isn't enough for me.
i’m such a gamer uwu
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3:43pm Dec 28 2012 (last edited on 3:43pm Dec 28 2012)
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Normal User
Posts: 4,744
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Have you tried video games? (lame, I know)
Sometimes if you get one of the kind of video games that are really easy to beat, and you just wack people over and over again with your sword, it's a really, really good way to vent. Especially with the realistic ones where they look like actual things and actual people that you are just wacking over and over again with a stick. It has worked for me in the past, I hope it helps you c:
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3:47pm Dec 28 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 4,893
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I'm sort of desensitized to video games. It doesn't help.-really plays a lot of video games; it's what I basically do when I'm offline-
i’m such a gamer uwu
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