8:59pm Jan 15 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 1,652
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To anonymous:
This explains exactly how I feel. The Bible is a story, and although it is made to teach wisdom and other important traits, it do not feel that it is necessarily to be worshiped. Religion, in my eyes, is a way to both bring people together, and a way to learn. I don't truly believe in god. And that doesn't mean I worship the Devil, either, it just means I do not believe there are beings that are.... "up there" so to speak.
Well, whoever you are, I tip my hat to you. :)
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6:58pm Jan 16 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 4,355
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I have one huge confession but. Never telling any one it. o_o Um, probably a big one is...I believe in the loch ness monster. I do! It's weird but. Ohwell. I'm weird. :3
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7:06pm Jan 16 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 1,652
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sona: If you feel you need to let it out, I'm sure Jenny wouldn't mind another anonymous. Oh, and for Nessie, go girl!
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7:11pm Jan 16 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 4,893
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Confession by an anonymous:
I've had thoughts of suicide. Now, I really shouldn't be ashamed of it, but I shouldn't of had the thought in the first place. I have an amazing home, good friends and parents. What more could I need? But they keep creeping into my head, and every day I find it harder to chop up tomatoes with a large knife. I tell myself I won't, and I think I can control it.
i’m such a gamer uwu
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7:27pm Jan 16 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 1,652
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Anonymous:
I can't imagine how that feels. I just can't. But suicide is never the way to go. No person should want to give up their life when there is still so much as a second left to live. Being an Atheist of sorts myself, I believe that this life is our one shot. I don't think there is anything more after this, so I feel you have to live and feel everything you can in the time you have. That's why it is so sad when some die young.
If I can offer advice, try looking for every good thing life has to offer you. Friends, family... but you should also cherish the small things. Music. Pets. Drawings. Laughter. It all means so much when you think of an eternity without it. Even if you do have a faith, and believe in some sort of heaven... could there really be anything like this life? Could there ever be everything life has to offer you? In some ways, I cherish the things I don't have just as much as the things I do. I see everything wrong with me, everything unpleasant or distasteful... as a chance. As a possibility. Perhaps, I even see it as a test. Everything wrong is something that has a chance to turn right. Everything bad has the possibility of becoming good. I don't mean to preach to anyone, but...
To me, this life is all we have. Now I would hope that nobody would ever, ever waste it.
I hope that whatever has happened to you, you make it through. I can't show you how sincere I am, but for you, I hope.
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7:48pm Jan 16 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 4,355
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...Okay another confession. My...my name isn't Zoey. It's Madi. And I don't have blonde hair and green eyes. I have brown hair and blue-green eyes. You might be wondering why I lied in the first place. Well, when I first joined Res, I thought I had to lie to look cool. I've always thought the name Zoey was awesome and that blonde hair and green eyes rocked together. But after staying here a while, I realized I don't need to lie. I never intended to tell this but it was so heavy on my shoulder I had to get it out.
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7:56pm Jan 16 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 4,893
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Confession by an anonymous:
Years ago I was basically bent on destroying my self, I didn't eat, didn't sleep and barely had proper conversations. Whenever I had a cigarette (yes I smoke) I always wanted to bring that ember just a little closer to my skin so it would burn...just a little. I did terrible things to those closest to me so they'd hate me as much as I hated myself. I basically just stopped caring and sort of wondered about in a emotionless daze and whenever I started to feel something I would self harm to make them go away.
I don't know how much longer I would have gone on hurting and hating for if my now boyfriend didn't swoop in and save me from myself. I'll love him forever and always be grateful....but now things seem to be changing. He doesn't act the same as he used to. He hurt me multiple times and every.single.time I forgive him. I still love him but I don't see him as the almighty loving savior like I used to. I've wised up and now he is just a man...who I'll love, forever, no matter what comes of us.
My family also isn't that great. Perpetually drunk mother who is also cheating on my dad with god knows who/how many, social services popping around occasionally due to my sister who is driving my mum to suicide which isn't helping the drinking problem annnd a suicidal sister with anger issues. It's fair to say that fights in my house aren't pretty.
My family has many 'carrots' (<-reference from a book=things we won't talk about) These things are about me even though I've always been the calm one and the one that will always help and be relativity nice, yet I'm the one with the ''dark past''. I've made mistakes that aren't suitable for res forums and these mistakes hover over my family...I always think someone will bring it up one day and talk about it but they never do...the subjects just there lingering all the time..it'll probably help me, even if they are messed up too. I can't say what it is but I will say that I had counseling and it sucked. They couldn't help me I dont open up to people. (well most people who know me)
Despite all the complications and the occasional emotional onslaught, I'm happy. College is good, I have lovely friends and a nice job. I still forget to eat and sometimes I remember the 'carrot' and just walk away from people for no reason, just to think and sometimes cry. But I truly am happy now that I've got over it and out of that spiral of depression.
i’m such a gamer uwu
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9:06pm Jan 23 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 3,426
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Was going to post it as a blog, but I figured it'd be fitting here as well.
Why is English Class so invasive? It's my life, and it's my business, not anyone else's.
I'm really getting tired of all these essays my English teacher gives my class. They just keep trying to worm deeper and deeper into my life. And today he assigned us to write a 14 chapter Autobiography. I have absolutely no problem writing. I love writing fiction and Roleplaying, and I'm pretty okay at it. I can conjure up fiction in 10 minutes, and write a several page essay in ten minutes minus research. The 14 chapters is not the issue. It's the fact that he's forcing us to spread our lives out for him on paper. Did he ever think there are things we don't want to share?
I'm open about a lot of things, but only when I'm behind a shield. No one truly knows the man behind Graveyardfox. This isn't to say I'm lying to you all. I'm more honest as Loki than I ever am in real life. I can't be myself in real life, I have to hide away. Online, I feel protected. Matthew "Silvers" is more of a fake than Loki will ever be.
That being said, I hate what my teacher is doing to me. He's forcing me to write down the darkness of my life that to him is just a casual assignment. How am I supposed to pour the darkness in me out to a man I barely know. How am I supposed to say that when for nearly a third of my life I've been struggling with depression, self-harm, suicidalness, coming to terms with my own homosexuality, a completely effed up family (well, that's been a lifelong trial), and so much other strange stuff? How am I supposed to write out my beliefs without making myself look like an *censored*? Or tell him who I am when I don't really even know? Or my interests that label me as an outcast 95% of the time? Or my online boyfriend that's the love of my life and such a major part of my life, yet no one knows about him? There's so much horrible and weird stuff that has happened in my life he would be required by law to report me because I'm such a danger to myself. That man would never look at me the same again...
The worst part is I can't lie. I can lie to anyone straight to their face. Words are just words when spoken. What I write is my very soul.
HypnoxSpazz 5evr
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3:25pm Jan 24 2012 (last edited on 3:36pm Jan 24 2012)
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Normal User
Posts: 733
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I'm not really sure how to start to say any of what I feel from reading all these posts. Yes, I've been following this thread roughly since it was posted. I feel like any of what I might say will seem fake, and won't mean much to any of you.
But I feel like I have to say something.
I'm sure everything will get better.
I had a discussion with one of my RL friends today, about how I hate it when teachers ask for personal information in one form or another through various assignments. They're just looking for a piece of paper to grade, they don't ever seem to care what it might take for someone to write something down on paper. Teachers see me as a good student. But I've got to say, I haven't seen many of my close RL friends for a nice long year, and I don't have many of them in the first place. I've had too many cases where I begin to trust someone, and they turn their back on me. I'm finding it even harder to trust people these days.
I think more people live more through their writing tools then they do through their words. I couldn't lie on an assignment. Then the work would seem fake, and I really would be someone else.
As I said above, teachers see me as a good student, others see me as someone to go to for answers. I hate working in an assigned group on a large assignment. Everyone looks at me to be the leader that will sort things out for them. I hate it when people think of me like that, I don't always want to be the one to step up and do things, but nobody listens when I try to say anything. So I play along, while I just drift further and further away from everyone because I'm pretending to be someone I'm not.
My family. I love my brother. But I always feel so distant with everybody. I'm sure this will sound weird, but I'm not sure I would be the same person if it weren't for my pets. I feel closer to them than I do some of my family members. They're another living creature that doesn't care what I think of things as long as I treat them well. I'm not really sure how to put something like that into words, but the animals in my life mean a lot to me.
If they hadn't been there, I'm not sure I would be the same person I am today. And I'm not talking about dogs or cats, I'm talking about a bunch of little gerbils and frogs. I currently own a beautiful little nutmeg gerbil named Pepper, and a couple tree frogs who I brought home about nine months ago.
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6:00pm Jan 25 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 622
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Hi! :D XD I haven't been or Res much lately at all, with school and such. But I do come on often to keep up with the posts on this thread. Now Marsy got another confession! xDx
School has been really, really hard on me lately. Having straight A's went to having A and B's sometimes a C in math. I don't know what happened. I just get distracted, don't pay attention so when I come home to do homework I don't know what to do. So I don't do it at all. I'm only in 8th grade, I really shouldn't complain because I know it's going to get even harder. But I don't even think I am falling back because of homework. Sometimes, instead of doing my work I copy off of my friends. I am not proud of it, and I have only really done it twice. But I know I can get away with it and I am scared it's going to get the best of me. And I think I am like ADHD or something. I get distracted a lot. But that's not even it. Lately I don't really care for eating anymore. Like my school starts so early we get out at one. I don't eat breakfast. I am not hungary at 5 in the morning. Then during school, even though I am starving I don't eat anything. I get home do everything and I don't eat. It's like I forget and I didn't think it really matter. So I weigh myself and not eating right for a week I dropped a good ten pounds that I really didn't need to. My friends are noticing and calling me AN. I ignore them. But I'm kinda scared and I don't know what to do. Then not eating I get mad at my family and it seems they all hate me. I really shouldn't complain, reading everyone else posts. But idk. I feel like I really cant talk to anyone. My friends dont know what there talking about and family would just stuff me til I burst. Not telling the school because they really cant do anything but tell my parents. I am scared I am slowly killing myself.
(-_-) zzZ
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5:29am Jan 26 2012 (last edited on 9:52pm Jan 26 2012)
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Normal User
Posts: 4,893
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I can't sleep. I think too much when I'm not remotely exhausted. Which is why I usually try to stay up until I'm sure to pass out.
One of the many things bothering me right now concerns financial issues and my husband. Since I don't have joint ownership of his bank account anymore.. Which is completely absurd because his family requested it because they were freaking out that I might rob him or try to steal his money. Even when I did have access to his account, I never used any of his money without asking him directly. Plus I'm not a gold digger like they like to think me to be.
Anyways, I'm only concerned because I'm not even sure he wants me on his account. Part of me thinks he might since he's willing to try things with me again. But part of me (the naive yet selfless self) wants him to put his sister (the new mommy) on his account. Since his family would need the money more than me. But then I'm like wait.. Me and my mom need it way more than them. They have an extremely huge family. My mom and I are struggling to barely keep the house. And he's supposed to put me as his priority since I'm his wife. Not below the rest of his family.
He always had a problem of giving away too much money to just help out his family (that's not even including me). He's having the problem of giving too much too quickly. So now his family expects too highly of him and they demand just as high. Which is causing him to stress out because he always wants to take care of everyone. Which we both know he can't. Since he's barely taking care of himself, let alone the both of us.
So I'm going to have to eventually step in and have a word with him about how he handles his money and what his priorities should be. It's not wrong to help family; but it's unnecessary to help them with literally everything. They're supposed to be independent by themselves, not the opposite.
edit: not only that, but I'm scared to sleep. I keep having recurring nightmares. They're not scary at all. But they play upon my worst fears. All the same, yet different scenarios.
i’m such a gamer uwu
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6:26am Jan 26 2012 (last edited on 7:42am Jan 26 2012)
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Normal User
Posts: 1,775
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To whoever confessed what 7650 posted:
I MEANT 7650
I was a straight A student when I was your age. My grades fell as I grew older, not because I slacked or anything. Just because I couldn't cope with the difficulty of what I was learning. Don't let that get to you. If you do poorly, commit yourself to working harder. People would kill me if I say this, but I think that copying off your friends is fine if you understand what you're writing down (don't make a habit of it, you're only in year 8. I only started sharing answers in year 12. Try to stop copying or you'll fall back xD).
DON'T THINK YOU HAVE ADHD. EVEN IF YOU MAY ACTUALLY HAVE IT. If you keep this mindset that you have some sort of mental condition, you give yourself an excuse. You think it's okay to get distracted. That's not cool, you can't excuse poor bad behaviour. Try to make yourself more hard working, it will benefit you in the future craploads. Two of the codes I live by are 'no excuses' and 'shut up (sometimes including ',stop wingeing') and do your work'. If you seriously think you have ADHD and it is affecting your live negatively, tell your parents or a school counsellor. Don't ever keep such things to yourself. You need to seek help.
Going to school at 1 am? That's crazy. Bro how do you cope with that? Anyways, what I would do to deal with the food thing is bring a granola bar with you. GRANOLA BARS ARE MAGICAL. They're so portable and stuff, like you can just bring it around in your pocket and maybe snack while you're walking or eat it in the bathroom ;D
Bro, if you don't know what to do. Why not just eat? Eat while you're doing your homework or soemthing. Bring a plate of food to your room. It's not okay to not eat. If you just 'forget', write 'EAT' on your hand/forehead/whateveryoulookatprettyoften.�
Don't get mad at your family if they didn't really do anything to you. They are your family, they last forever. It's in your blood. A healthy relationship with your family will lead to a better life, don't introduce any unnessecary conflict. It's not worth it. If you can't keep your cool and they really do treat you badly, write a well-phrased, calm letter. Verbally talking about things sometimes isn't great as your emotions get in the way and you'll lose your temper.
You're so young, you're only in year 8 (I realised I've been saying 'year 8' instead of '8th grade' the whole time, just so you know, it's because I've been educated under the European system). Bad things have happened, sorry to say but it's all your fault. You've done a few things that have just made you unhappy. Not blaming other people, knowing that there are no outside influences to your sorrow is actually good! Everything being all your fault is something you should want, you can repair it. You don't have to deal with anyone, you can fix it yourself. You've made mistakes, just don't repeat what you did again. Don't say it's alright to do whatever you do that's� making you unhappy. Try your best and don't let it get worse. You may feel that your problems aren't as grave as others, but they will be if you don't do anything.
A funny thing about me, I want everyone to read this. I think it'll help with their woes. I never thought I had problems ever, not at all. I thought about it a while ago and I found it strange. Then I realised that it's just my brain works funny. I treat all my problems as 'things I must resolve' and 'things to do'. I don't label them as problems. Really, a mindset can change the world. Just be proactive, try your best and you'll be happy ;D
I (HATE)' YOU
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