“Don’t do this,” he pleaded. He held my arm with that strong hold of his though, his fingers were gentle. I didn’t dare to look at him, couldn’t bear to see the anguish I knew I would find in his familiar steel gaze. He’d followed me here, out to the docks, where the unforgiving sea crashed against broken rocks and splintered wood.
The ship was right in front of us. The sails were down, the crew members busy walking by us with stolen coins clinking in their pockets and provisions carried in their strong arms. That’s what I needed from them, that strength. That’s why I had come. There was another reason I wouldn’t let myself admit either, one that was looking down at me from the bow of the ship. His green eyes almost glowed in the darkness and an interested, almost mocking grin curled at his lips. The hat he wore tilted to the side as he cocked his head, a single gray gull feather stitched into the fabric quivering.
To think that I’d only met the strange man yesterday and that every time I cast a look at him, be a minute or two, he made my heart stutter in such a way that…I turned around to look at the man I once thought I loved. His gray eyes were desperate, just as I thought they’d be. His lips parted to beg me to stay, to call me crazy for running off with a band of pirates. I raised a finger and brought it to his lips to silence him.
He embraced me then, wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close. It surprised me and my forearms fell to his chest as he trapped me against him. I ducked my head down, cheeks turning red when I felt the captain’s eyes boring into the back of my head. It was so wrong to think of that man who was standing up there, waiting for me, waiting for a new adventure, while I was in my old lover’s arms.
Or was it wrong that I was with my lover now, still standing here on this very dock?
“I can’t,” I said through clenched teeth and pushed him away. My throat was raw, tears hot in the corner of my eyes. I had known it would be this hard, hadn’t I? But hadn’t I spent endless nights in this man’s bed, kept awake in his embrace and dreaming of other lands, of a more passionate love? I hadn’t been happy and here was a beautiful, irresistible chance to have what I craved.
“Then I’ll wait for you. I’ll come back to this very dock every morning and every night until you return,” he said. His breath was no more than a whisper in my ear. It was as if he didn’t want the crew that parted around us like the river around a pebble to hear. They could care less, I knew that, but it still made my heart squeeze. I couldn’t let him waste away like this, not when deep down I knew I’d never return. At least, not for this sun-bleached town, not for him.
“No,” I breathed. “Every morning, you’ll head to the bakery and buy the bread you love while it’s still fresh, as you always do. You’ll run your errands and then go to work in the treasury. You’ll find another girl and forget about me.”
“Never,” he said sharply and I looked up at him with a shake of my head. His cold eyes softened.
“Please do this. I can’t leave you with an empty promise. You have to understand that this is good-bye,” I said. I went to untangle myself from his arms but he only pulled me back and crushed our lips together. The kiss was fevered, his lips hot against mine. I kissed him back just as passionately, until we were both taking in deep drags of the salt-filled air.
I saw his heart tear into two as I tore myself from his arms and ran. My boots thudded against the wooden planks of the dock and I shouldered past the crew members loading the ship. When I reached the ramp that rose up to the ship, I looked back. He stood there watching me, face expressionless. Two dark lines marred his cheeks and I knew I was the cause of his tears. I almost turned back right then, almost dove headfirst right back into the dull life I hated so much, but a calloused hand caught mine.
Startled, I whirled back to see the captain. His green eyes sparkled with mischief, rough stubble touching my jaw as his lips touched my ear. “Welcome aboard, my dear,” he said. He leaned back and tilted his hat down to me and when he tugged on my hand again, I stepped onto the ship.
One glance was all I allowed myself, one glance at the life and the man I was leaving behind. His back was turned to me, his walking pace slow, and when he stopped to turn back around, I had already looked away.
“A’right lads,” the captain said and looked down at me. He winked and continued with, “and ladies. To the sea!” The crew cheered and went to work under the second mate’s orders as the captain grabbed my shoulders and bent over to block out the world with his too-green eyes. “I hope you’re ready for an adventure or two, dear,” he said.
I found myself grinning back and to him, that was answer enough.
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